To think actually no my dd doesn't need to learn letters at 3

[Nicpem1982]

My dd is 3 in September, and mil was asking for present ideas this evening. The budget is silly so have asked her for a couple of small educational toys and some school shoes and remaineder into savings as don't want a house full of toys

Told her what we've bought mainly STEM based toys and games to which mil replied

"She needs to concentrate on letters from her birthday not just science and nature (my dd is a huge fan) she'll be behind if she can't read for reception"

I'm in no rush for my dd to read and write we encourage her interests (for the record she has fun toys to but she shows little interest in anything outside of the following

Nature hunts
Mud pie making
Playing on the park and generally being outside
Playing with her toys (mainly Lego, dinosaurs, board games, small world imaginative play)
Arts and crafts

For the record I have an excellent relationship with my mil but this has really irritated me, I don't want my dd forced into reading until she is ready the issue is my mil covers a large portion of our child care I'm now worried that she will start forcing her to try and learn to read and my dd will lose the love of books she has

Aibu to be irritated and think let my dd be herself at her own pace or should she be learning to read?

It's up to you I suppose.

I would assume she can identify the letters and numbers by now though?

Well, she has 2 whole years before she starts reception, so MIL is being unreasonable.

However, it could well be that in a year's time your DD starts showing an interest (especially if in nature related books or whatever), in which case it wouldn't be unreasonable for you to start doing phonics / reading with her then.

StillDriving - the child is only 2 - why would you assume they can identify letters and numbers yet? Some may be able to, but the majority won't.

She can and will point out letters in signs etc when were out and numbers on the bus to pre school

Mil wants to start teaching her to read and phonics etc

Id rather her play and learn though a more absorbed method and naturally at her own pace than bombard her with flash cards and the oxford reading tree

But Im not sure if that's the right thing to do

I hear what you're saying but think you need to calm down. Does your mil babysit or something for you to worry about your dd being forced ? If you're not doing the forcing then where would that come from .

I was an early years teacher for five years .
I've had to explain to parents and colleagues many a time that :

• recognising letters at this stage is not important
• memorising sight words is not important
• blending and segmenting are not important

What needs to be well established are 'pre reading ' skills .

• accessing a range of books to play with
• being read with/ to ( with no intent of learning how to read)
• developing vocab. No need for books here

-looking at picture books with interest , knowing how to hold a book , turn pages etc

• children looking at pictures and orally telling their own stories
• being able to orally sequence events

When these skills are super strong , reading flows so naturally . The better the pre reading skills , the better the reader . You could do some research on pre reading and share this with your mil? If she is still quite traditional about it , smile and nod? You said you have an excellent relationship which isn't worth spoiling over this .

Surely you have those contraptions called books! All you need to support a child to read is to read with them, no pushing required.

Bonkers - the op's dd is 2 - my dd is a similar age and can identify perhaps 7 letters and no numbers but nursery report this as being a little ahead of her age range development (not meant as stealth boast, just commenting on your surprise)

Tears she has her 3 days a week

As long as it's taught in a fun way through play and dd is enjoying it, I'd be grateful that mil was showing such an interest and putting so much time in!

I can't imagine any decent person would force a child to read and I don't think is something you can force anyway. She might love it, she might not be interested!

She does not need to recognise letters, many children dont when start reception and I say that as someone who has taught it. Its better not to force it as it turns them off reading. They want them to know phonics at school rather than letters anyway and they will all start at same place. You are much better concencenting on the science and nature stuff, reading lots of books and maybe have a few words games to do if shows interest. Most kids start school with picture books to bring home as reading books. Its handy if they can recognise name. Other countries dont even start reading until 6 and they pick it up a lot quicker because of this

We read to her every day she has a wide range of books it's part of her bedtime routine

she has the pre reading skills described above, but I don't want mil trying to force reading

What I would do however, is make sure that MIL is 'up to date' with how to learn to read. i.e. You do not want her teaching/showing letter names or saying 'muh' instead of 'mmm'.

There is no hard if your DD says 'what's that?' to answering 'that's an mmm' , but you don't want her to learn letter names first as some children find that very confusing when they do learn to read (and you don't know in advance which children that will be).

Bakery - I'm immensely greatful for my pil and the effort that she puts in with my dd she's very invested

I also know my mil and when she thinks she's right it's a mare 😂

why would you assume they can identify letters and numbers yet? Some may be able to, but the majority won't.

Really ? If you say so, I can't be arsed with a Friday night bun fight

Teen - is have no issue with that as that's answering my dds natural curiosity I think she's up to date as she assists my dn and attended a workshop at her school

Ds2 is the same age as your dd, op. He can identify the letters in his name (lucky for him he only has a short name) and also the first letter of his brother's name. He's in no way ready to read. Ds1 who's just finished reception, could recognise and write his own name at the beginning of reception but couldn't read anything else. It's made no difference to him at all and he's now doing brilliantly at reading and more importantly, really enjoys it. Don't let Mil push dd onto reading just yet. She's got 3 more Septembers until school anyway!
Just as an aside, I'm a teacher and believe totally that children develop these skills when they are ready. I'm amazed and thrilled at how far ds1 has come in a year but at his age I'd be thrilled with any progress. Let dd develop her reading skills at her own rate. She'll be fine!

Well my 3 year old can't identify letters and numbers yet. Perhaps a few, like the ones in his name. He knows the letter 'names' as in "a, b, c" but I very much doubt he could match them up.

It doesn't bother me in the slightest. My eldest couldn't either at this age, and he's now an excellent reader for his age. He learnt to read at school.

OP, I completely agree, playing and learning about the world is far more important at this age.

I don't want her pushed we've always allowed her to do things at her own pace and to some degree it's been very successful for us and relatively stress free. I don't want this to be any different.

She's often viewed as an odd little girl in comparison to her peers both in and out of pre school I've had many comments, so I don't really want her being pushed into stuff to early iyswim

Yes, really still.
It would not, in any way be 'expected' for a 2 yr old (or 3 yr old come to that) to be able to " identify the letters and numbers". What an odd thing to say.
Nicpem - what you are doing sounds fine. However, if your in laws care for your dd 3 days a week, then she will have a lot of influence.

Back - that's my concern a conversation needs to be had I think

On the plus side my dd is able to describe in detail what's happened at grandmas that day 😂

Most 2 year olds and many 3 year olds cannot identify letters and numbers, it certainly isn't "expected" anywhere.

I have been an early years teacher ( not in uk) for 14 years. The children that start in my class ( aged between 4 and half and 5 and a half) cannot read. A few can identify some letters and one or two a year can blend or sight read words. I have a 2 and half year old dd. We read stories and work on motor skills, threading/plasticine etc . Her pre school she will go to next year does not teach letters or sounds.

Dds preschool is Montessori they certainly do not teach letters or sounds either

We chose this preschool because of the focus on freedom and play

Haven't read the thread but I just wanted to say that your little one sounds lovely!
Also, we are expecting 1st and were discussing over dinner a book that DH was reading called 'the Danish way of parenting'
About how the Danish are such a happy and 'got it together' nation. They seem to advocate exactly what you are doing - letting a child learn at their own pace. It says that it doesn't matter necessarily what speed your child learns to read or count as they will when they are ready and eventually the whole class will be at the same pace.
It got us to thinking how competitive some parents can seem to be in our culture rather than not putting so much pressure on and letting their children explore their environment and learn at their own pace.
Of course I can't speak from experience as I'm not a parent (yet) but I do like the sound of being more relaxed about the speed in which our child learns things.

Ethel - congrats 💜

And thank you she is generally lovely but had her moments 😂

HAs mil actually said she's going to force her to learn her letters? IS she not just going to buy a few different books and toys? You mention going at DDs pace but she's not likely to just learn it without help. She might really enjoy it.