To think actually no my dd doesn't need to learn letters at 3

[Nicpem1982]

My dd is 3 in September, and mil was asking for present ideas this evening. The budget is silly so have asked her for a couple of small educational toys and some school shoes and remaineder into savings as don't want a house full of toys

Told her what we've bought mainly STEM based toys and games to which mil replied

"She needs to concentrate on letters from her birthday not just science and nature (my dd is a huge fan) she'll be behind if she can't read for reception"

I'm in no rush for my dd to read and write we encourage her interests (for the record she has fun toys to but she shows little interest in anything outside of the following

Nature hunts
Mud pie making
Playing on the park and generally being outside
Playing with her toys (mainly Lego, dinosaurs, board games, small world imaginative play)
Arts and crafts

For the record I have an excellent relationship with my mil but this has really irritated me, I don't want my dd forced into reading until she is ready the issue is my mil covers a large portion of our child care I'm now worried that she will start forcing her to try and learn to read and my dd will lose the love of books she has

Aibu to be irritated and think let my dd be herself at her own pace or should she be learning to read?

My dd could write her name in capitals and recognise numbers up to 20 before she started school. That was it! Didn't know her letters, couldn't read a thing.
She's just finished reception and has done fantastically. Really don't worry about what she is learning before school. As long as she is having fun and is happy just let her be little!

I'm a teacher too and I don't believe in formal teaching before children start school (which is what it sounded like the OP was worried about in realation to her MIL).
Where did I say to teach that reading is boring? I read to my children everyday; we love books and I read a lot as an adult!
There are lots of ways of introducing children to reading and writing in a 'fun' way without formal teaching and there is absolutely no need for a child to be able to read and write before starting school.
Emotional and social learning is just as important!

Daily - she would stop if dd was unhappy but she'd also keep trying regularly.

Im not dictating how mil spends time with dd I just don't want my dd forced into formal learning as I've said previously I'm happy for literacy toys to be at mols house but there must be other choices

We have various literacy toys at home and play things like alphabet fishing and snap as and when dd directs

Peng- I'm also fine with formal learning as and when i feel it's appropriate and I just don't think 3 is the age for my dd my dh and I are big believers in our dd having a rounded balanced education that is at her pace with as much applied examples as possible.

I could read before I started school, loved reading as a child and love reading as an adult... I was taught with flash cards at first!

So I wouldn't say gentle and fun steps towards teaching to read at this age are the end of the world...

She sounds like a completely normal almost 3 year old- and most schools prefer that they don't learn before they start as it often isn't done correctly, especially with phonics which is tricky unless you have had training.
Let her play for as long as possible- if she is a summer born she will be v young when she starts school.

I would assume she can identify the letters and numbers by now though?

This is pure mumsnet

The OP's child is 2.

Perhaps our definitions of formal learning are different. I personally think it can be very detrimental for a parent who is not a teacher to 'teach' a child to read and write at home, especially if said child is not ready. Often bad habits and incorrect strategies are taught which can be quite difficult to unteach once a child starts school. Just because you enjoyed learning to read in a formal way at a young age doesn't mean every child will or is ready to learn to read at a young age. To foster a love of reading and writing you have to approach it the correct way and forced formal learning from a young age is rarely the way to go.

I taughtall 4 of my kids to read before they started school. We did it as casual fun rather than lessons and they loved it, it gave them huge confidence starting school and all are still avid readers and good at spelling .I taught them using look and say method. Although the current Wisdom is that children should learn phonetically. I personally do not agree with this approach. It is not how adults read. When one fills up a large bank of words one can recognise by sight, the brain subconsciously develops its own phonics rules. And analogy would be trying to teach a 3 year old how to recognise a dog.the average three year old can distinguish a dog from any other animal more reliably than the best computer. Through experience he or she's brain has determined it's own a se before having a sight vocabulary undermines this process to make sense of the world. It is amazingly effective at doing this. Teaching phonics before having her sight vocabulary undermines this process.

From what you say your mil seems to love your dd so I really think you're worrying over nothing. Re her poss not teaching her in same way as school, again I think you're over worrying. She'll be getting info and ideas from every experience, you're hardly going to determine/ manage her every experience, by the way school might do it?

I do think you sound a bit invested in her being into stem and being seen as a little ',odd' , maybe you should do an honest review about whether ur supporting all her interests or just ones u approve of?

And on a tangent and completely unreasonably, what is this obsession with educational toys, such a marketing success... I'd go with toys she likes and you think she'll have gun with, whether that's a doll, a truck, a teddy, a jigsaw or whatever.... All able to provide hours of fun, for her.

Personally taught my child to read before reception because they loved books and being able to read themselves is such a bonus.

It also meant I didn't need to worry so much about phonics.

Nursery taught all the kids to recognise letters and numbers from age 1. It is fine. They are like sponges at that age anyway.

DM often laments that DD can't read and has been since she was about 2. This is disappointing apparently because I could read at that age and it's a "sign of academic ability." I'm afraid she gets pretty short shrift from me over this. If DD wants to play outside rather than read a book that's fine. She knows all her letters and numbers to 12. That's enough for now.

Just brush it off, nod and smile and if she wants to do a bit with your DD the days she has her, it won't hurt. At that age if she isn't interested she'll soon wander off and do something else!

Maybe just mention to mil that your dd is still so little and you would prefer them to just play together for now. I'm sure your dd won't put up with being 'forced' into formal learning if she doesn't want to. My 3yr old gets very suspicious and stubborn if he thinks you are trying to teach him something he doesn't want to know

As for all 2&3 yr olds knowing numbers and letters I wouldn't say that's the norm at all. When ds started school we were told 'it would be helpful if they can recognise their own name to find their pegs/clothes etc' not can they be reading fluently

How old is your DD puppymouse?

Totally agree OP. Learning through play is so.much better at that age.

Worried reading this...DS is 3 and I've started to say introduce flash cards (.not in any kind of forceful way but just looking and handling them as I thought the sight of the words would help) but I've also been pointing letters out in other ways but have been saying "muh for mummy, duh for dog" etc - I thought this was phonics? Can someone explain please I get so confused when phonics is mentioned :-(

It's not an issue I could get excited about - nice to have a MIL who adores your dd. She's hardly feeding her haribo and sticking her in front of barbie.

Ds is 3 and can recognise numbers 1-12 and recognises some letters I thought this was normal. I do agree children learn at their own/different paces though. As a child I think I was ahead at primary school academically but other kids caught up or exceeded my learning at secondary. Lots in bottom sets went on to get good a levels and degrees (and I didn't! )

YANBU, your DD sounds exactly like my DS. We are having similar issues but with nursery instead of in laws and them insisting he should be recognising the shapes of numbers by now (25monrhs!).
Leave your DD be until she shows an interest of her own accord, she's only just three!

How bloody depressing

I think only reading at bedtime is far too small amount at nearly 3. We had baskets of books everywhere and as such they turned to books more than anything else and we read throughout the day. Maybe she wants more books at your mil's house. Kids need a huge variety of books and continual refreshing in addition to old favourites. What reading/writing materials has she mentioned? If it's just new books,some plastic magnetic letters, an alphabet book or two and writing materials to experiment with I see no harm in that. All are very useful at that age. I never taught my DC to read but knowing that a plastic letter in the bath could be found in words and how to hold a pencil correctly were very useful skills to have learnt before school. I did teach them a few correct phonic sounds as they cropped up now and again( often they asked) and from that they taught themselves to read before school. Yes not crucial but they were more than ready and all became avid readers very early on and still are.

I'd find out what she has in my mind,she'll get them anyway as its her house and she's doing you a favour. If you are involved you could steer her towards materials you like.

I remember feeling pressure to teach my dd to read/do maths at that age, mainly because she had little friends whose parents had them doing accelerated specialist programs 3 afternoons a week. Bloody expensive stuff!

I stuck with my gut instinct and did the kind of developmental play stuff you're doing instead. What happened was that these other kids were bored senseless when they all got to school. They played up, and (I think) have missed out on the joy of learning. Within 18 months of school they are all at the same reading level anyway.

I'm glad I spent those extra afternoons at 3yo emphasising other things and stretching our legs at the park!