Do not read if you're a stepmum hater, you'll hate me even more ....

[betteroffwithouthim]

We usually have OH's children EOW and two days in the week. This is a long term arrangement that works relatively well.

Their mother works approx. 12 hours per week and is essentially a bone idle, entitled moaning old witch who will find any excuse to feel the victim. She is “exhausted” and has asked us to have the kids extra in the school holidays so she can have a rest! WTAF, both me and OH work long full time hours. Both children are teenagers and more than capable of looking after themselves for a few hours whilst she works. They will be bored stupid at ours but we’ve had far too many rows for me to argue anymore. OH has argued that its his parental responsibility to look after them extra in the holidays and that’s the end of that.

Anyway, we have them for 7 nights out of the next 8, with them supposed to be going back to their mother for one evening. She has “misunderstood” and has made plans for that night, meaning we have them for 8 nights. We hadn’t made plans, we were just going to enjoy not having the children around for one night.

OH is a spineless wanker at times and won’t go back to her and argue the point. I want to shout and scream but instead I’ll post on here.

I know i'll get flamed to death but need to air this here rather than in real life when it'll end up in a horrible row.

Six yoghurts? Pointless in my house. . I buy double that at least.

ParentingEnnuie that's what grannie's are for. We are supportive and don't knock people for the sake of it. Oh and we grew up at a time when 16 year olds didn't need people exhausting themselves looking after them. The idea of someone doing your ironing once you were at senior school would have been a bit of a scandal when I was growing up, you also did your share of housework, cooking and if you had younger brothers and sisters you knew all about childcare. You also managed a part time job and school work. Of course we weren't distracted by mobile phones, ipads or computers. Amazing how much extra time it gave us.

Oh I think the knocking has very much been not for the sake of it.

Grannie - you are not helping in any way shape or form by continuing to massage the ridiculous notion that this op's feelings should come before those of his kids.

She has been with their dad around 2 years although that changes with every post , so likely in the kids lives for 12-18 months. His daughter has already seen her for what she is a d chooses to have no interaction with her which quite frankly I can't blame her for.

She is nothing more than their dad's girlfriend. She is nothing to them. She has done no raising of them and she outs herself out to be an obstacle to their relationship with their dad.

SHE is the exact reason those of us step parents who would walk over hot coals to protect our partners kids get such a rough time on here. Because people like this self centred fool are the ones that stick in the minds of people and tarnish their opinion of us as a group.

You are pretty much a lone voice - does that not tell you how far off piste you both are???

grannie there is a big difference between a 12/13 year old one one at 17.
Training takes time. And supervision. If you want things done properly.
The father should have the kids for half the time.

And maybe grannie you weren't doing technical, challenging A levels that support was needed with.

What an unpleasant attitude the OP has to her husband: I wouldn't take kindly to being called a spineless wanker simply because I recognised my responsibility to my children. On the other hand, if he's a spineless wanker, then he is probably too polite to tell you what you are.

I reckon Granny is OP by another name. 😂

Aurora

Granny is NOT the op. She clearly states the children come first. I don't like the ops attitude at all btw. From what I read in granny's posts on the last few pages, she hasn't been condoning the ops attitude at all.

Another SM here. Moved in with DH 9 years ago when DSD was 9. He had her every other weekend, long weekends during half terms (Fri night-Tuesdsy night) and half of the other holidays (alternating Christmas and New Year) The only reason he didn't do 50/50 during term time was because DSD lived in London at the time and we were in Manchester so obviously not feasible and naturally DSDs Mum wanted to see her some weekends.

He's your SCs father. Just because he is with you doesn't mean he doesn't want to see them and doesn't mean he is going to loose his sense of responsibility.

You don't come first I'm afraid princess

Mummyoflittledragon - it was a tongue in cheek comment really. Considering all we know I don't understand how anyone could try to defend the OP's position on any level.

Thanks Mummyoflittledragon, I was thinking about this thread earlier and actually thought I wondered why people said I was defending OP. As you say I have said the kids wants/needs come first. What I do hate, and it happens on here so often, is that the OP gets twisted to mean whatever people want it to mean so we get comments like, "So he is only having them for 8 days all summer" or words to that effect when the OP clearly said they have them for 6 days every fortnight. I also hate the over justification like the mother is so exhausted because when she isn't working 12 hrs a week she spends all her time looking after them. That would be pretty ridiculous anyway at this age, obviously different if they were severely disabled, but when you think they are with dad either 2 or 4 days a week it can't be true. They probably go to school as well and even socialise with friends, I hope so anyway.

So to clarify I think kids come first, I don't think people have to pile in and make things up and OP I would never agree to be a step parent, I think it is a hard thankless job and I think you feel much the same. You have to make the decision, he is always going to be a dad and that won't change, my eldest is in his 40s and I'm still his mum and still see him, help him with childcare and occasionally money so don't think this is going to end any time soon.

Aurora I am bitterly disappointed that it was a tongue in cheek comment, I've never been accused of being the OP before and now you've gone and spoiled it.

Grannytomine you need to read all the threads this person has started and then you will realise how despicable they are being.

poweredbybread, I never do that. If I'm reading a thread I read it, maybe that is why people are making stuff up because they are judging on other threads?

Grannytomine neither have I before but I found that this thread sounded so like a story she had put on but totally skewed the angle of a thread she started same name ( more than one thread all very recent) People were so kind etc. I think it's all fake, and I hope it is because I hope there are not children being treated this way.

I would advise reading other threads started by the OP if you get the opportunity and it's pointed out to you. It gives you extra information and stops you getting hoodwinked

I don't just mean this OP (actually there's ample info on this thread to form an opinion that she's deluded)

.... that was a namechange BTW

Sorry grannytomine, I confess to not reading the entire thread. I agree that it is irritating when people assume and infer things that aren't there. But my disgust at the OP's position and follow up comments override the irritation.

Aurora, apology accepted. It irritates me on lots of threads, sometimes it feels like a fantasy and sometimes more like The Two Ronnies as someone questions something and the answer is about something totally different.

Probably particularly annoys me as it reminds me of holding disciplinaries (was HR manager before retirement) and people would often do this e.g. "had you been drinking" and the answer is "I don't drink alot." "Ok but had you been drinking" and the normal answer then would be "I don't drink anymore than anyone else," which actually means nothing unless you don't drink at all as obviously some people don't but doesn't answer the question. Used to drive me mad as I would think do they really think I don't realise they haven't answered the question.

Honestly I think the fundamental problem here is that in spite of hoping for kids of her own, it hasn't happened. Is it not possible that not having experienced what would not be unreasonably described as a life changing experience for most (i.e. Motherhood), it is difficult for the OP to put herself in the position of unconditional love that (in most cases) comes with having your own (and I also include /foster mothers etc in this equation)? I was a selfish brat before I had my own kids. I was a step mum with ideas about what was acceptable regarding my step children (it was a very very long time ago) and looking back I'm horrified at my sense of entitlement. Having my own three has changed me for the better. But I know how hard that is if you've never been through it. The OP is clearly unhappy, but I do understand, in some cases where the connection just doesn't work.

You see MNetters as the "enemy", as mothers or, as you'd put it "biomothers". Not all of us are, and many MNetters are both mothers and stepmothers. I am both, I have walked in those shoes, too. You do not sound like you will ever be happy with a man who is a father.

Wow.. what a horrible thread with an awful op.

Seriously read your posts back and try to understand why you are so hypocritical of yourself, then get back to us and explain because I cannot understand why you keep saying something and then trying to change it. It's written in black and white for all to see.

Britt bugs as I said recently fo divorced grand parents babysit together? Unlikely.

My nan and grandad aren't together but they look after my eldest occasionally together.

I worked full time all summers except a week and had my 5 children every night of their 8 week school summer holiday as their father didn't do one night of the summer. I think both parents should be forced to have the children half the time whether they like it or not.

No.. you shouldn't force the parents to have their kids, I get why you would think that but how would the kids feel? They will feel the resentment.