Do not read if you're a stepmum hater, you'll hate me even more ....

[betteroffwithouthim]

We usually have OH's children EOW and two days in the week. This is a long term arrangement that works relatively well.

Their mother works approx. 12 hours per week and is essentially a bone idle, entitled moaning old witch who will find any excuse to feel the victim. She is “exhausted” and has asked us to have the kids extra in the school holidays so she can have a rest! WTAF, both me and OH work long full time hours. Both children are teenagers and more than capable of looking after themselves for a few hours whilst she works. They will be bored stupid at ours but we’ve had far too many rows for me to argue anymore. OH has argued that its his parental responsibility to look after them extra in the holidays and that’s the end of that.

Anyway, we have them for 7 nights out of the next 8, with them supposed to be going back to their mother for one evening. She has “misunderstood” and has made plans for that night, meaning we have them for 8 nights. We hadn’t made plans, we were just going to enjoy not having the children around for one night.

OH is a spineless wanker at times and won’t go back to her and argue the point. I want to shout and scream but instead I’ll post on here.

I know i'll get flamed to death but need to air this here rather than in real life when it'll end up in a horrible row.

Logical - you are absolutely right re Granchildren. DH and I have both been married before and we have certainly been involved in more events with exes since DGC came on the scene. DH isn't keen on my ex ( neither am I!) however everyone makes an effort .

You say she will cease to exist but that simply isn't the case and frankly you're delusional if you believe that

You'd love me as the ex i work 80hours a week ask for very little financially from my ex, i ensure as he is their father and i am their mother we co parent .....Our marriage ended not us being parents

As it happens for a variety of outing reasons i am likely to move on first and that still won't make him or me obsolete because neither of us would model that behaviour to our children ever

We work hard so they still see a positive parental relationship, if a partner of mine or his behaved for a second like you i guarantee we would wet ourselves laughing as they were told to get on their bike

And seriously id be your freaking dream i earn far more than ex and am financially and environmentally stable.....But darlin.....I'm my dc mum.....Nothing a d noone can change that or that exdh is their father....Partners can absolutely be apositive family but mum and dad....Are mum and dad (excl where parents are absent or abusive)

So do divorced grandparents look after their GCs together?? No I didn't think so either. We may see her at the christening but I can cope with a few hours and could even be polite! As for the one who keeps attempting to belittle me for just being the GF of the guy with kids - i may just be the GF but I am who he's choosing to spend his life with and share his time with his kids with. So just a girlfriend or partner/step mum whatever I'm called it's all the same thing.

It is my strong suspicion that her mother is making her feel guilty if she enjoys time with us

Wow so even when there they can't bond or make an effort , this is hard and sounds like even when do you do make an effort it's a one way street

And the 12 year old wets the bed which is a sign of something (my friends stepson had this too)

And we suspect etc their Mum is depressed and either way her exhaustion is sourced by something

It's really sounding like none of you are happy and that's so fucking sad OP

I seem to say this all the time but time to take a step back , do some thinking about where you want to be a few years from now

I am sure you are all good
People and you deserve to be happy !

And maybe if you take a break they can all focus on what's the real issue

Can you get a break . Take some time out OP ? I would if I were you

better

Divorced grandparents may not look after the grandchildren together, (unless the split was amicable and they still get in) but there are loads of children's events that grandparents turn up to and have to be civil at

Not get in

Get on

Ffs

No one wets the bed you've got your posts mixed up??

Yes Rufus I can do civil occasionally. I'm civil to the cashier in the post office. Doesn't mean she's in my life does it??

We may see her at the christening but I can cope with a few hours and could even be polite!

if you're invited

So there you go, she won't cease to exist. You will still have to cope with her presence in your life.

When the kids are old enough she will cease to exist in his life, yes believe it or not that will happen.

The above is what you said

I am not referring to your life i am referring to his

So mummy grandparent and daddy grandparent will need to be in each others lives and civil...not necessarily step grandparent

And what mean said

Snap, Oldbutstillgotit my parents divorced when I was 2. All drops offs and pick ups were civil, but I suppose you'd just call them doorstep formalities.
I'd never really seen them in one room until I was grown up, got married and had my own DCs

I expect we we'll also see my XH and DH's XP in the same ways in a few years, when our teen DS's from our first relationships each have their own families. We aren't all particularly keen on each other either, but as we have a shared interest in the future of our DC, and we are civilised human beings, we'll just carry on when that situation arises

OP really hasn't a clue.

I think to be fair you could probably get away with never seeing or speaking to her ever

But he will be seeing and speaking to her

I'm their step mum and his partner. She's their biological mother

She indeed is their biological mum - though most of us just stick to saying mum - but you are not married to OH so legally you are not actually their step mum or emotionally as you continue to bang on about them being her children and not yours so you can leave that step mum title alone!

Yes there'll be weddings, etc and we'll all be there. I won't be airbrushed out.

I can really see your OHs DD inviting her dads girlfriend, who she does not speak to, along to her wedding...
You're not even in the picture as far as she is concerned and I doubt her mother needed to 'poison' her against you. I should think your 'children are a deal breaker' attitude sprays enough venom for DC to notice all by themselves.

You say your OH cannot stand his XW yet he isn't even saying she is being unreasonable with the maintenance and contact with DC because quite rightly he is acting in the best interests of his DC. You are quite clearly jealous of the XW and the behaviour that comes along with that jealousy is probably soon going to be too much for your OH and it may be you who he sees as not a necessary part of his life anymore.

The fact that your OH won't even have a conversation with you about his plans for DC indicates that he doesn't even value your opinion so why don't you embrace your username and leave? There is clearly no positives (for anyone) to you staying.

On your side and I am the mum.
She won't have them back for the only day in 9 days , so she scammed you, annoy her big style take the kids out for a meal and the pictures, so instead of her getting one over on you, she gets the kids saying they had a great time....
Loads of pictures on facebook and rave about it, and how it wasn't planned and how good the kids were, she will hate it...

Yes there'll be weddings, etc and we'll all be there. I won't be airbrushed out.

You won't get that far.

I may just be the GF but I am who he's choosing to spend his life with and share his time with his kids with. So just a girlfriend or partner/step mum whatever I'm called it's all the same thing

And you are two faced. No wonder his daughter won't talk to you. Your a girlfriend whose made it clear that you couldn't be less interested in his kids and have said you haven't left because you can't afford to rent by yourself.

And you think you won't be phased out by the children?! Bless you.

It's really weird how you refer to the ex wife as biological mum.
People usually only refer to biological mum when they aren't in the picture and a step mum stepped in and there is another 'mum' but this isn't the case.
Do you refer to your partner as kids biological father?

Better this lot are so bitter. I am shocked at if you read this you will see it really all about one point.

The mum was going to have her pair back for one night so Better and her DP could have a quiet night, instead the mum decided not to. Nothing else matters really all the OP wants to know is was this fair, and she kept quiet at home and just wanted a rant here, knowing it's a done deal...

Now your all attacking her over everything... not fair.

I hate you can't edit. I am shocked, if you read...

Do you want kinds with your DP?

kids no 'kinds'

but I can cope with a few hours and could even be polite!

And what about babysitting the Grandchildren?

Being a Grandparent is more than a couple of hours at a christening.

And why is your username betteroffwithouthim ?

Now your all attacking her over everything... not fair

Is it fair she said she would never have met him if she knew about the kids?

Is it fair that his son nearly moved in and she said that was a deal-breaker?

Is it fair that she calls her partner spineless because he won't say no to having the children because he actually wanted to have them?

Is it fair that she actively doesn't talk to the daughter and anything that occurs in the house, such as the daughter leaving sanitary products in a box rather than binning them, she thinks the Mom hasn't told her how to dispose of them and rather than guiding her, continues to ignore her and wants to raise the subject with the ex?

Is it fair that she has never met the ex and hates her and slags her off?

Is it fair that she has admitted if she could afford to rent on her own then she would, but she can't afford it so is staying with him?

Is it fair that she believes the children can look after themselves so their Mom doesn't really have to do anything but can't accept they could do this at their other home?

Is it fair she doesn't consider the home she shares with her partner his children's home too?