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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do not read if you're a stepmum hater, you'll hate me even more ....

503 replies

betteroffwithouthim · 21/07/2017 15:52

We usually have OH's children EOW and two days in the week. This is a long term arrangement that works relatively well.

Their mother works approx. 12 hours per week and is essentially a bone idle, entitled moaning old witch who will find any excuse to feel the victim. She is “exhausted” and has asked us to have the kids extra in the school holidays so she can have a rest! WTAF, both me and OH work long full time hours. Both children are teenagers and more than capable of looking after themselves for a few hours whilst she works. They will be bored stupid at ours but we’ve had far too many rows for me to argue anymore. OH has argued that its his parental responsibility to look after them extra in the holidays and that’s the end of that.

Anyway, we have them for 7 nights out of the next 8, with them supposed to be going back to their mother for one evening. She has “misunderstood” and has made plans for that night, meaning we have them for 8 nights. We hadn’t made plans, we were just going to enjoy not having the children around for one night.

OH is a spineless wanker at times and won’t go back to her and argue the point. I want to shout and scream but instead I’ll post on here.

I know i'll get flamed to death but need to air this here rather than in real life when it'll end up in a horrible row.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 21/07/2017 15:56

So after the eight days how long will she have them for? And how long before Your husband is right, he should do his fair share, they are his kids. He doesn't even do 50 percent in term time.

Why should he go back and argue she should look after the kids more than him so you can enjoy not being with them? On what universe is that the right thing to do?

wheresthel1ght · 21/07/2017 15:56

Sorry, I am a step mum and have major issues around the kids mum. I normally defend the step mum...

But you absolutely arse.

Good on your oh. It is his responsibility and good on him for stepping up.

You however sound like a self entitled witch. Get over yourself or get out of their lives.

JacquesHammer · 21/07/2017 15:58

essentially a bone idle, entitled moaning old witch

YABU for that alone. I hope the children don't pick up on your tasteless attitude to their mother

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 21/07/2017 15:59

I'm not going to flame you

But i do think that fathers should do extra to their usual over the holidays

Penny4UrThoughts · 21/07/2017 15:59

YABU. But I think you know that.

I'm not a stepmum hater. But you are with a man who has children, and so should expect that they will be a significant factor in his life.

Just know that there may come a point for whatever reason he needs to have them full time. Then you'd look back at this fondly.

Bobbiepin · 21/07/2017 15:59

If they are teenagers and more than capable of looking after themselves why is it such a hassle to have them at yours? Give them the wifi password and the tv remote, get a take away, pull up your big girl pants and start taking some responsibility.

RaspberryRuffless · 21/07/2017 16:00

What's wrong with their mother wanting a rest? She has them a majority of the time so nothing wrong with their father sharing that responsibility. They're his kids too.

youarenotkiddingme · 21/07/2017 16:00

After 9 days solid of them you'll change your attitude Wink

Hissy · 21/07/2017 16:03

The more people do, the more they can do.

She probably IS exhausted, its that kind of time in the year to be exhausted and in need of a break.

Rant all you want, but your oh kids are his to look after too and it's right that he has them, you get plenty of time to yourselves at other times.

gingergenius · 21/07/2017 16:05

My ex has my 3 eow and zero times during the week. One week in summer and that's it. I work part time and I'm absofuckingluteky exhausted on a daily basis.

Your post is sanctimonious shit. I've also been a step mum. You don't have an easy job, but calling the mum shitty names makes you look bad. Be bloody grateful you don't have the responsibility full time like a lot of us do!!!!!! Angry

NoCureForLove · 21/07/2017 16:06

I'm not "a stepmum hater" , (why would anyone "hate step mums"?... BUT, you don't sound very nice at all OP. Why shouldn't his children be welcome for as long as they want to come in their Dad's home? Why do you need a night off from teenagers? The joy of teenagers (one of them) is that you can go out and have a night out - leaving them at home.
What exactly is so difficult about them being there?

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 21/07/2017 16:06

Maybe he's not a "spineless wanker" but just likes having his kids around?

Sunshinegirls · 21/07/2017 16:08

He should have them for 50% of the holidays.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/07/2017 16:08

Those kids must feel really loved and wanted.

Hapaxlegomenon · 21/07/2017 16:08

Why did you choose to be with someone who had children?

flickerty · 21/07/2017 16:08

Out of the 6/8 weeks holidays (depends on the school, etc) are you only having them 8 nights? 🙃

I'm a stepmum and I understand looking forward to quiet time once the kids have gone back but really, you are being VVVVVVVU

Peakyblinders · 21/07/2017 16:09

So after the 8 days then what??

Funnyblastard · 21/07/2017 16:09

Wow op, them comments didn't go well for you. Whereas I think I took the time to read and understand your post, the problem is she basicly does a few hours work a few days of the week? Or a long shift the one? Teenage kids and not so much looking after as opposed to toddlers? While I can see both sides, they are still his kids so shouldn't have a problem to look after them. Are you unreasonable to be peed off at the way she goes on? No your not, but would be if you voiced those directly to anybody. Nothing wring with that aslong as you can vent frustration but nobody gets hurt along the way

youaredeluded · 21/07/2017 16:10

You are the kind of woman that gives step mums a bad name.

Bluntness100 · 21/07/2017 16:10

And calling your husband a spineless wanker. That's really just the cherry on the cake.

Collidascope · 21/07/2017 16:12

Your partner is right, they're his children and he doesn't do 50% of the care normally. Of course he should step up when their mother asks. You must have known his children would come first when you got with him.
Also don't see why they'll be bored stiff at yours. Again, they're his children. It should feel like their home and there should be stuff around to entertain them.
I do understand that they aren't your kids and that the additional, unagreed 8th night must be annoying, but seriously, they're his kids. He brought them into this world and owes it to them to put them first. Be glad he's doing that because if he wasn't, your other half would be a feckless turd.

WonderLime · 21/07/2017 16:13

Your OH is a 'spineless wanker' because he's agreed to look after HIS children for 8 more nights over the summer holidays?

Right. I don't think the problem is him or the 'bone idle, entitled moaning old witch' of a mother. Perhaps he should take on a larger share of the childcare!

Gemini69 · 21/07/2017 16:13

OOoffttt.... the OP assassinations began pretty swiftly there ... Flowers

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 21/07/2017 16:14

funny

Loads of people took the time to read and understand her post

They just don't agree with her

FittonTower · 21/07/2017 16:15

I don't really see why having the kids for a week over the holidays is either a problem or unusual. Do you not normally see them more than eow even in the holidays? That sounds like a shame for your husband and his children.