Do not read if you're a stepmum hater, you'll hate me even more ....

[betteroffwithouthim]

We usually have OH's children EOW and two days in the week. This is a long term arrangement that works relatively well.

Their mother works approx. 12 hours per week and is essentially a bone idle, entitled moaning old witch who will find any excuse to feel the victim. She is “exhausted” and has asked us to have the kids extra in the school holidays so she can have a rest! WTAF, both me and OH work long full time hours. Both children are teenagers and more than capable of looking after themselves for a few hours whilst she works. They will be bored stupid at ours but we’ve had far too many rows for me to argue anymore. OH has argued that its his parental responsibility to look after them extra in the holidays and that’s the end of that.

Anyway, we have them for 7 nights out of the next 8, with them supposed to be going back to their mother for one evening. She has “misunderstood” and has made plans for that night, meaning we have them for 8 nights. We hadn’t made plans, we were just going to enjoy not having the children around for one night.

OH is a spineless wanker at times and won’t go back to her and argue the point. I want to shout and scream but instead I’ll post on here.

I know i'll get flamed to death but need to air this here rather than in real life when it'll end up in a horrible row.

I also think that if you work full time and don't have your own children you are within your rights to feel put out in your own home

This is true. I have never understood the vitriol directed at Step parents if they so much as mention they would like some child free time. Bio parents are allowed to, why not SP?

But I have also never understood women who hook up with men with children and then complain about money/time/emotions being directed at the kids.

I'm not a step mum hater, I am a mum and a step mum.
I'm lucky but I love my step children and have a good relationship with them, this has been achieved over time and with some hard work and compromise on everyones' part.
It doesn't sound to me like you want to make the sacrifices and do the compromising.

YABU they are his children and he should be looking after them.

I'd leave OP, you aren't happy with the situation. Find a situation you are happy with.

If @wheresthel1ght isn't backing you up, you're completely beyond the pale. AS her if you don't believe me. She's not lying when she says she defends stepmuns

wow you sound like my ex's OW - who I am nothing but polite to btw - despite her shagging my husband when our youngest was 4 months old (and yes his fault totally)

She moans about EVERYTHING I do - she sees Ex's money as her money (not married) and checks everything in his bank statements - he has to pay me cash for any extras we agree on (split cost of school trips etc) because she goes mental

She sulks, cries and slaggs me off in front of the kids - sad thing is ex hates her - he makes peace to keep everyone happy but he cries to me about how trapped he feels - join mortgage - it's a very sad situation

Your DH sounds lovely - what a good kind man - you sound rather mean

@he should be having them whenever asked, and full time if necessary

Why? She chose to be the stay at home mum / work very limited hours now they are older so OH could go out and work to support them all. Now they're no longer together she wants spousal maintenance from him so she doesn't have to work full time and wants him to be responsible for the childcare for 70% of the summer holidays when in actual fact she's not even working for most of this and he is!

I get your point op, vent away. It's also very annoying when agreements get changed. Suck it up for a few more years. And rant to your hearts content, who does it hurt?

Clearly you have them less than 50% in term time so having them more in the hols evens things out? No?
Being with teenagers isn't relaxing. Believe me. It's irrelevant what the ex does with her time or how long she works for.

Maybe it's time to call time on this relationship. It's really not bringing out a very nice side to you.

No Mrs DV you mist the last step mum thread where it was deemed totally unreasonable bordering on neglectful for a lone parent to want 4 days a month off!

mist! oh dear Missed obviously

@ghostys - I sound like your exes other woman do I? I did not even set eyes on my OH until a year after they broke up. I do not have anything to do with his finances and have no wish to. How do you know what she does in her own home with her own partner? He tells you does he? He's still a cheater then?

But she has them seventy percent of the time during term time. Seems fair to me.

Are you now saying she has both child maintenance and spousal maintenance and you object to how he financially supports them too?

Why are you with someone who has a family? Clearly you object strongly. Leave and find someone childless who will spend his money on just you.

I think most non-resident parents spend a week or two with their children during the summer holiday. Teenagers probably aren't that bothered about where they are, as long as they've got their phone and can see their friends, but no reason why they wouldn't spend at least a week or the 6 week break with their Dad.

My daughter is 14 and is spending a week with her other Granny this holiday, despite me only working a few hours a week currently. She and her brother are also going to a couple of holiday activities, later in the summer. Does that make me ultra lazy too?

I've just noticed what your username is....nice

You don't come across very well at all. If I were you I would leave your OH (who you obviously don't even want to be with) and let him meet someone who will appreciate him and his DC.

Ha! Public forum...

YBVU. Your partner should care for his children extra during the holidays. Their mother has a right to work whatever hours suit her and her children. Their mother has a right to feel exhausted on part time hours.

If the children are bored stupid at your house, what makes you think they feel any less bored at their mum's? Perhaps suggest to your partner that he entertains them? Perhaps engage with them rather than see them as some kind of burden to be endured?

You are a complete and utter moo to speak about someone who's life you know little about in such unpleasant terms. Don't think your step children don't know what you think of their mother because they do.

wow you really missed the point of my post there didn't you!

"Why does the amount of hours she works make a difference to how often your OH looks after his own kids?
Do you think he should only have them if she can't?"

Precisely.

They're his kids for gods sake. You really need to get used to that fact. Oh and make them welcome in their fathers and therefore their home.

Sometimes people become sahm, because it's the most logical thing at the time or its fostered upon you. It's not always by choice - even though it appears to be and is ever so convenient fir the man to say well you chose to do it. Sometimes it's circumstances at the time. And then it trashes your career.

It's very hard to argue to work and pay more childcare than you earn, and be less available to do the wife work, and find your housework us t shared adequately etc.

She needs recompense for the sacrifices she made for the benefit if the joint family at the time.

I don't suppose you'd consider calming down OP?

I can see this thread going beserk.

Poor kids! I can't even imagine what it must be like to have to spend your time between homes where it seems no one really welcomes them. It's very sad.

OP, I don't think you're cut out for the whole step-parent thing.

You have huge resentment for your OH ex for some strange reason and you resent his DC spending more time with their dad.

I think it might be time to walk away...

If the teenagers are anything like my DS and DSD then you will barely see them anyway.

There is only one thing that slightly miffs me about DSD and that is being used as a taxi driver. When I met her dad she was five and he has seen her at least twice a week since then (she's 14 now). Even now if his ex texts him to ask if we can have her extra he asks me if it's ok. Why???

She's 14, almost 15. She's no trouble (other than the aforementioned taxi driving) and spends most of her life in her bedroom. We have to feed her and that's about it. It's like having a plant, only prettier, nicer and funnier (when she can be arsed to sit with us)

To conclude it's not like you have been landed with two three year old children for the week. Please don't be difficult about this, it must be horrible for your DH to be piggy in the middle between you and his children.

OP, having read this and your previous thread I honestly think you should leave this relationship. Clearly you have a problem with the fact that your DH has DC to another woman and I am pretty sure the DC will pick up on that. For everyone ' sake , leave as the DC will ALWAYS come first; my DSD is in her 40s and is still in our lives . Good luck .

"She wants maintenance so she doesn't have to work full time" - working has nothing to do with it! Whether she works full time or not at all, they are his kids and he should provide financial help with them!

You sound bloody awful OP.

OP.. do you get on with your DH normally?

I can see how it would rankle for arrangements to regularly change on a whim.

Are the kids happy and content at yours (as much as teens are anywhere)?

It must be very hard on teenagers to be away from their friends as well...