Do not read if you're a stepmum hater, you'll hate me even more ....

[betteroffwithouthim]

We usually have OH's children EOW and two days in the week. This is a long term arrangement that works relatively well.

Their mother works approx. 12 hours per week and is essentially a bone idle, entitled moaning old witch who will find any excuse to feel the victim. She is “exhausted” and has asked us to have the kids extra in the school holidays so she can have a rest! WTAF, both me and OH work long full time hours. Both children are teenagers and more than capable of looking after themselves for a few hours whilst she works. They will be bored stupid at ours but we’ve had far too many rows for me to argue anymore. OH has argued that its his parental responsibility to look after them extra in the holidays and that’s the end of that.

Anyway, we have them for 7 nights out of the next 8, with them supposed to be going back to their mother for one evening. She has “misunderstood” and has made plans for that night, meaning we have them for 8 nights. We hadn’t made plans, we were just going to enjoy not having the children around for one night.

OH is a spineless wanker at times and won’t go back to her and argue the point. I want to shout and scream but instead I’ll post on here.

I know i'll get flamed to death but need to air this here rather than in real life when it'll end up in a horrible row.

Unfortunately for your husband (or boyfriend - even less committed to you) has two children and loves them. They ARE his parental responsibility.

I'm afraid most people dont abandon their children for their girlfriend, so you are just going to live with your husband as he is - with 2 children.

Being a primary carer is, I would imagine as, if not more, tiring than a job, so the mother is entitled to expect your OH to share in the job during the holidays.

Does OH hate the kids, or might he in fact want to see them and your bitching is just making him think you're an ahole?

I don't think these children deserve to be treated like this by you, and I think you should just live with the family you have moved yourself into, not try to break it up.

I don't understand your question at 16.28.

What do you mean WHY should he have them whenever asked, and full time if necessary?

Because he is their father, and that is what father's do?

And I don't see what childcare arrangements decided whilst they were still married have to do with anything?

Oh, and I work full time and guess what? My ex-husband still pays maintenance.

What the ex does is nothing to do with anything, her finances are none of your business. Concentrate on you and why you are unhappy. Resentment is like poison and will turn you into someone you will not like. Either plaster a smile on your face and get over it or leave him. These are your choices.

Jane, are you the ex wife?

If you and you husband have them 2 nights a week and every other weekend you aren't far off 50% are you, 6 nights to 8 by my reckoning. Listening to some on here you'd think he hardly saw them. I am assuming you aren't just having them for the 8 days but normally for the rest of the holidays.

Has anyone asked them what they want to do?

Your dh is not spineless, he's just stood up to you, which you clearly do not like.
Why should he not have his kids more in the holidays??
They're HIS kids.
You got with a man who has kids.
Would you like it if someone did this to yours?
No wonder she's exhausted, she has them the rest of the time!
If you don't like it, then leave.

Why is it ok for you to say you were looking forward to not having them for the extra night but you say the ex wife is lazy for wanting a rest and a break?

Because poster, they are his and her kids, not mine!!!! I work 60 hours a week, she works 12, why can't she look after her own kids?

it's pretty ironic that a MAN was destroyed on the same pages yesterday.. for daring to question his ex wife finding child care for his children instead of letting him have them ..... and now we have a MAN being slated for not having them enough... Im literally baffled ..

go figure

here's the very Thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2982755-Children-being-looked-after-by-others-when-with-ExW?

bewildering ...

I wouldn't want to be a step parent

Sounds like you don't want to either

"OH has argued that its his parental responsibility to look after them extra in the holidays and that’s the end of that. "

That pretty much sums it up OP, he is their father and he's putting his children first.
The issue is with your relationship not who has the children.

I would say your OH has been really lucky. She wants him to have his kids more! Bonus!

I hate the (incorrect) narrative that stepmothers always get treated unfairly on MN. It allows twats like the OP to file away disagreement as bias.

why can't she look after her own kids?

They're your boyfriend's children as well. Did you miss biology classes in school?

We hadn’t made plans, we were just going to enjoy not having the children around for one night.

It is nice to have a break from the kids every now and then, isn't it?

I work 60 hours a week, she works 12, why can't she look after her own kids?

But you got with him op!
You knew he had kids, so you can't now moan!
So what if she works less hours, she has them the rest of the time!
No, why can't HE look After his own kids?

Better because they aren't just her kids, they're his too!

You got with a man with kids, you have to accept he is a father

Ultimately OP from your other posts the kids are a deal breaker for you. Step parenting is hard. So is parenting. And it's relentless. 24/7 every single day without respite. She may only work 12 hours a week but she's been a parent for 14 years. Non-stop. It's exhausting.

Because poster, they are his and her kids, not mine!!!! I work 60 hours a week, she works 12, why can't she look after her own kids

Because when you get involved with someone who already has children, they become part of your life too whether you like it or not. If it isn't acceptable then you don't involved or end the relationship.

If you can't take this then don't be with him.
His kids come first, as they should.

OP, why the fuck are you in a relationship with someone who has kids?

Your whole 'not my kids, not my responsibility' attitude is total shite. You are a partnership, but his children should always come first.

Also, don't question her needing a break when she 'only works 12 hours a week'. You haven't got children and until you do, you will never understand that working isn't the only thing to make you want a break as a parent.

Geez, poor DP and the poor children.

Why is he spineless for agreeing to have his children? He clearly isn't spineless as he's told you to suck it up because it's happening.

And surely your home is their home too, after all their Dad lives there. Do they not have their own room?

OH is a spineless wanker at times and won’t go back to her and argue the point. I want to shout and scream but instead I’ll post on here

What point is there to argue?

I think he seems to see it that way too - that it's a good thing to have his kids plenty.

Gemini - I can't see the parallel!

Here the man in the equation is being defended by all!

they are his and her kids, not mine!!!!

But OP this is the reality when you get into a relationship with someone who has children, they come as a package.

I've read some of your other posts and it comes across that you are deeply unhappy in this relationship, for various reasons.

I think the only way you come across well is the fact that you posted here rather than making this felt IRL. I hope that your step children have never picked up on the way you feel about their mother, or about their father doing something close to his share of bringing up HIS children.