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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask friends to come back early to look after their DC?

183 replies

zazas · 21/07/2017 00:09

Friends are going to a wedding this Saturday and I'm looking after their two children. The wedding is at 12.30 and they are staying the night in their campervan. It's about 35 mins from where we live. I have a DD who is the same age as their DD which is why I was asked but she has now had to go away and won't be with us. It's just unfortunate it's this weekend as it would have been a very very rare moment with my DH and DD away and with only my teenage DS in the house to have caught up on myself but it is what it is. Anyway tonight my friend has said that on the Sunday morning they were now going to meet with friends for brunch and will be home early afternoon. I was expecting them home mid morning to be honest. If my DD was with us I could probably stretch the time out but I will have worked over 50 hours this week (because she is away) and need time to get on top of things on Sunday plus get back to my DS. I'm really not being unreasonable to ask them to be home earlier am I?

OP posts:
YoureNotASausage · 21/07/2017 00:11

No, not unreasonable. Just tell them that since your dd isn't there you already had plans from mid morning as that was when you understood they would be back.

Expellibramus · 21/07/2017 00:11

No, not unreasonable, surprised they'd do that - in fact if it's 35 mins away, why are they even staying?

Do they know your dd is away now?

TwoAndTwoEqualsChaos · 21/07/2017 00:11

No. Not at all.

AndNowItIsSeven · 21/07/2017 00:12

Depends how old she is?

3boys3dogshelp · 21/07/2017 00:12

Definitely not, I think they're being a bit cheeky expecting you to give up most of Sunday.
It's good of you to be having their dc for the wedding, presumably you agreed to the wedding not the whole weekend.

MissBax · 21/07/2017 00:12

I'd just say, sorry I thought you were coming back morning and we've already made plans for that day.

CremeFresh · 21/07/2017 00:13

If they didn't specify a time when this was first arranged , then I'd say you'd be ok with asking them to come home earlier.

ChasedByBees · 21/07/2017 00:13

YANBU.

Bizzysocks · 21/07/2017 00:19

Do the parents and daughter know your DD won't be there. Their DD may not want to come now, they may have other options.

Original poster
zazas · 21/07/2017 00:20

I agreed to the wedding as in I would expect that they would be reasonable around being away for that. It's not a close friend's wedding but a young guy who works for them and they only know one other couple going, so it's not a big catch up with friends or anything. As it is they are leaving at 11am for the 12.30 start. They know I have nothing on specifically on the Sunday... And I can't lie 🙄 My dd and theirs are 10 and the younger child is 5.

OP posts:
Original poster
zazas · 21/07/2017 00:24

I'm going to their house as they have cats! Which does mean my DS will be home alone for the night but he's 16 and ok with that. Yes my friends DD is a bit upset that my DD won't be there...

OP posts:
JiggyTuff · 21/07/2017 00:28

They're taking the piss. You could make up a lie for Sunday or just say that you want your day to yourself

Nocabbageinmyeye · 21/07/2017 00:28

Definitely tell them, to be honest I think they were super cheeky to just announce they had plans for the Sunday without actually asking you would it suit you first

numbmum83 · 21/07/2017 00:34

I expect this will be updated later with a post saying it's now 6pm and you still have the dc! You need to say something or this "brunch" may turn into an all day piss up with friends whilst you babysit .

OlennasWimple · 21/07/2017 00:34

It's honestly OK to tell them that you need to get away from their house by, say, 10am.

OlennasWimple · 21/07/2017 00:35

don't think of it as asking them to "come back early", by the way - it's not! It's asking them to stick to the original agreement

3boys3dogshelp · 21/07/2017 00:35

This is a bit weird OP! If it's not a close friend's wedding and is only half an hour away surely they could have just driven home after staying for long enough to be polite?! I'd be pretty pissed off if I was you. No need to lie - you haven't done anything wrong and you never agreed to mind their children all Sunday - just tell them you were expecting them to be home mid morning and have work to catch up with/don't want to leave your ds too long.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/07/2017 00:40

Oo no, I'd be very clear that you were expecting them to be home by say 10:30 and that you Have Plans for the rest of the day, so you can't stay any later!
They're taking the pee a bit.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 21/07/2017 00:49

YANBU.

As they are 35 minutes away one of them could come back to collect their DD and then join the other parent and the friends for brunch afterwards.

But then the school run takes me 70 minutes there and back so it doesn't seem like much of a drive to me.

Gemini69 · 21/07/2017 00:56

tell them you cannot do it x

quizqueen · 21/07/2017 00:59

30 odd minutes away- I'd tell them to get a taxi that evening after the wedding so you don't have to do the overnight stuff at all.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 21/07/2017 01:25

What is your DD going to go & do? I think unless it's VERY important, it's a bit off allowing her to go away when the other kids were expecting her to come to stay.

You have options

  • say 'No, it's not ok for you to stay for brunch, I'm ok until x time, then I need to go home'
  • drop the kids off to them early
  • take the kids to yours after breakfast, put the telly on, let them bring screens. You'll barely know you've got them.
CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 21/07/2017 01:27

They want to get drunk and have loud sex without the kids around - fair play.

However - brunch is taking the piss if it wasn't pre-arranged.
They won't be home until late afternoon.

notangelinajolie · 21/07/2017 01:33

Give them a time they need to collect their DC by. Assuming Brunch is around 11 ish and they are only 35 mins away then it wouldn't be unreasonable to ask them to collect before 12.30. Tell them you are taking advantage of the fact your DC isn't at home and are going out for a special lunch together.

CrabPots · 21/07/2017 01:46

I think sticking brunch on is a bit much. Do they know dd is away?

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