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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask friends to come back early to look after their DC?

183 replies

zazas · 21/07/2017 00:09

Friends are going to a wedding this Saturday and I'm looking after their two children. The wedding is at 12.30 and they are staying the night in their campervan. It's about 35 mins from where we live. I have a DD who is the same age as their DD which is why I was asked but she has now had to go away and won't be with us. It's just unfortunate it's this weekend as it would have been a very very rare moment with my DH and DD away and with only my teenage DS in the house to have caught up on myself but it is what it is. Anyway tonight my friend has said that on the Sunday morning they were now going to meet with friends for brunch and will be home early afternoon. I was expecting them home mid morning to be honest. If my DD was with us I could probably stretch the time out but I will have worked over 50 hours this week (because she is away) and need time to get on top of things on Sunday plus get back to my DS. I'm really not being unreasonable to ask them to be home earlier am I?

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 21/07/2017 07:55

They are totally taking the piss! Contact her now and say so!

AdalindSchade · 21/07/2017 08:05

Cats just need feeding in the evening and the next morning.
Don't be a doormat. Tell them the DD has to come to yours, you will feed the cats and they have to pick her up by 11. If they want to go back for brunch they can take her with them.

HipsterHunter · 21/07/2017 08:10

I concur with @AdalindSchade

diddl · 21/07/2017 08:25

I'm going to have to watch this to see if they do pick up at the original agreed time or not!

If you think not, you'll have to drive her over as soon as you're up on the Sunday-or cancel the whole thing!

EezerGoode · 21/07/2017 08:26

Nothing to stop them taking their kids with them....ive raised 4 and never felt the need / rudeness to impinge on someone else by asking for a huge piss take....you know ....you are allowed to say no when you don't want to do something

SafeToCross · 21/07/2017 08:33

I would say, ' look I am going out of my way to help you out here, but I have things to do. I didn't want to leave you in the lurch but the fact that dd is away has made this arrangement much less suitable for me and your dd. Please arrnage to be away for the minimum practicable time.'

Original poster
zazas · 21/07/2017 08:41

Yes I know I can say no - but it seems I am not so good at that. Goodness knows where in my wiring / background that bit was not installed! Working on it...

The 'brunch' thing is with people they will be at the wedding with anyway in fact the only couple they know going - really they could catch up all they need there!

I am thinking that my friend is just 'giddy' with the idea of not having her kids around! Thinking about it she has pedigree in this - I offered to look after the DC a few months back for her DH's birthday so they could have a night away. She then asked if they could leave about 2pm (I had mentioned around 5pm as when I was available) - which was impossible as I was at work! It was suppose to be a night away - back the next morning sort of offer but they didn't return until 6pm the next day.

I sound like a right mug!

OP posts:
Oldbutstillgotit · 21/07/2017 08:52

I learned the hard way that you have to be very specific when agreeing to arrangements like this . Many years ago I agreed to look after a friend's young child so that she and her DH could have a night away. I expected her to be dropped off at tea time but my friend brought her round at 10.00am as she had a hair appointment! I asked when they would be back on the Sun and she said she wasn't sure but she would be in touch . I eventually phoned her early afternoon and she was annoyed that I was " rushing " them. She turned up at 8.00pm . I never did it again .

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/07/2017 09:06

You dont sound like a mug but she sounds like an expert in getting "just a little more" when people do her favours so a a teatime to just after breakfast sleep over becomes a full weekend without you realising until its too late.

Time to put a stop to it. I agree that if you can drop their kids to them then that would be the best way as there is no way in hell they will be back for 10am.

timeisnotaline · 21/07/2017 09:38

Given the drip feed hell no! No need for the passive aggressive 'I agreed to x and am doing a favour ' at this point just 'sorry guys, I can only do what I originally agreed to, I'm sure you can take dd to brunch with you though. See you at 10!

rollonthesummer · 21/07/2017 09:40

Considering that drip feed, I'm not really sure why you expected anything else?!

Don't let yourself be treated like this, FFS!

2rebecca · 21/07/2017 09:46

You were silly to agree with it knowing what she is like. If you want to be a martyr fine but don't moan about it.

rollonthesummer · 21/07/2017 09:52

You were silly to agree with it knowing what she is like. If you want to be a martyr fine but don't moan about it.

I hate to sound unkind but I totally agree with this! These boards are full recently of people having the piss taken out of them and just bending over and poking up with it.

Yes, there are cheeky chancers around-that surely doesn't surprise anyone? But people have the choice to say no!

Floralnomad · 21/07/2017 09:57

Get them to drop kids at your house Saturday morning , take the kids back to their house in the evening to feed cat / have dinner / sleep , feed cat Sunday morning then take kids back to yours where they can collect later . That seems to be of least inconvenience to you .

rollonthesummer · 21/07/2017 10:24

So, what are you going to do, OP?

Original poster
zazas · 21/07/2017 12:13

You were silly to agree with it knowing what she is like. If you want to be a martyr fine but don't moan about it.

I agreed to it when I naturally expected my DD to be at home - with her not being here it really does changes things.

I am not moaning about the fact that I am still going ahead and looking after her kids (when I could have had a weekend relatively kid free) - just that she moved the 'goal posts' last night - without asking or even thinking about the changed situation.

I should have nipped it in the bud then - but it was late, I was mentally tired and just didn't get the words out.

So - what am I going to do (apart from tell myself to get a grip!) - is to tell her that the kids will stay with me at mine and we will go back to feed the cats in the morning and that I am now needing to be somewhere at 10am and that she needs to be back by then.

Thanks for giving this the mental space and advising me!

OP posts:
rightwhine · 21/07/2017 12:19

Sounds a good plan. Don't be swayed by her 'disappointment'.

rollonthesummer · 21/07/2017 12:31

Well done. Do it asap as now she has 'told' you the plan and you haven't disagreed, she'll think it's all sorted. Wouldn't surprise me if she's booking a table for brunch as we speak!!

ItsNachoCheese · 21/07/2017 12:45

Sounds a good idea what you are proposing

blackteasplease · 21/07/2017 12:58

I agree they shouldn't be trying to add brunch on. Just tell them it's not convenient and you need them back for , say, 10.30.

I also dislike the word brunch. Too much ambiguity about what is meant as well.

JiggyTuff · 21/07/2017 12:58

Do it now! Call and leave and message if she doesn't pick up.

She is a bloody piss taker and she knows it.

What is it with these people who dump their kids on friends? Surely that's emergency only stuff

diddl · 21/07/2017 15:14

Op it works out OK, Op.

There would have been nothing wrong with her asking about brunch, rather than expecting it.

There's not any thought for her daughter in it all though, is there?

Knowing that Op's daughter won't be there as copany for her, you'd think that they would be shortening the time that they left her.

Questioningeverything · 21/07/2017 15:21

What gets me about this is you're doing her (and her dh) a HUGE favour. One that would cost them some serious £££ if they hired a babysitter. So the kids could stay with you, cats don't need constant attention (have owned).
It's downright rude to assume you've nothing better to do than spend most of your Sunday with someone else's kids when you've got rare child free time yourself. Be firm.

SouthWindsWesterly · 21/07/2017 15:50

Right - pull on your big girl pants and start to compose a text

Hi CheekyMcFucker

Sorry - didn't quite sink in about brunch yesterday. Where can we meet you? Have you booked? Great idea to meet so we can drop off CMF DD.

Toodles
zaza's

Gemini69 · 21/07/2017 16:44

has OP texted said friend yet ? Please text and say No x