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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask friends to come back early to look after their DC?

183 replies

zazas · 21/07/2017 00:09

Friends are going to a wedding this Saturday and I'm looking after their two children. The wedding is at 12.30 and they are staying the night in their campervan. It's about 35 mins from where we live. I have a DD who is the same age as their DD which is why I was asked but she has now had to go away and won't be with us. It's just unfortunate it's this weekend as it would have been a very very rare moment with my DH and DD away and with only my teenage DS in the house to have caught up on myself but it is what it is. Anyway tonight my friend has said that on the Sunday morning they were now going to meet with friends for brunch and will be home early afternoon. I was expecting them home mid morning to be honest. If my DD was with us I could probably stretch the time out but I will have worked over 50 hours this week (because she is away) and need time to get on top of things on Sunday plus get back to my DS. I'm really not being unreasonable to ask them to be home earlier am I?

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 21/07/2017 17:56

OP-come back!

eddielizzard · 21/07/2017 18:02

yes, do that. she is a massive pisstaker. no way would i do that to a friend. don't let her guilt trip you either. and i hope she looks after your dd occasionally too..?

HungerOfThePine · 21/07/2017 18:13

Op I had this done to me but they didn't even have the grace to contact me to say pick up later. I never did it again, I was Angry and thier young dc were miserable wanted to be home even the night before but they wouldn't entertain coming to get them.

Put your foot down, they might just be giddy as you put it or they are definetly taking the piss.

Original poster
zazas · 21/07/2017 23:22

Hello I am just back home now. Work / take/pick up DS to Scouts / supermarket shop and home...14 hours after I left this morning...I am not joking that it is full on here.

Anyway I did text everything that I said I would - re DC staying here with me and they come back home to pick up at 10am etc and I have heard nothing Hmm Didn't have a moment to call today and too late now. Strange...in fact we message / speak most days so quite strange indeed.

But I've put the big pants on, said what was I was able to do and that is that. It is not like I have reneged on my original offer or anything.

Yes she has had my DD to stay over - although as a sleep over treat for the girls - not because my DH and I had plans (we have always had the other DC at home). There was an incident a long time ago when she helped out with my two older DC when I had to travel for work that didn't work out so well...so I am a little hesitant to go down this path with the youngest DD. She sounds like a right nightmare - but she actually is a lovely person - just has some strange ways about her - that creates issues with people.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 21/07/2017 23:35

well done.. she's avoiding you because you've messed up HER plans for a child free weekend... and she'll be seriously pissed off it hasn't worked out..

stay strong and don't cave x

rollonthesummer · 21/07/2017 23:47

How odd you haven't heard! You are looking after their kids tomorrow, yes?

AnathemaPulsifer · 21/07/2017 23:54

You're going to need to be very firm since she has previous form for brass neck.

Original poster
zazas · 22/07/2017 00:04

Just had an update - fine re kids staying here and they will will aim to be home by 10.30...although I did say I actually needed to be somewhere at 10.30! But that I can cope with. However she has now said that her DD is unhappy about coming because my DD won't be here but not to worry. I am not surprised, she has only ever stayed with me before and it isn't the same when my DD isn't here. Feel for the kid, so even more reason for them to get back earlier. Knowing how anxious her DD is I would probably change plans because of the situation and come back later that evening after the main part of the evening event. As I said - they are there from 12.30 so it is a very long day - don't know anyone and my friend hardly drinks so that is not an issue...then I could put them to be in their own beds knowing that their parents will be there in the morning.

Best I start sorting out exactly what I will do the children tomorrow to keep them happy and busy and their minds off their parents.

OP posts:
YoureNotASausage · 22/07/2017 07:01

Ah, they want to enjoy the wedding and not rush back that night, I can't criticise them for that. And they had asked you to mind their dd and you agreed so it was all in place. Unfortunately things changed your side. But they don't sound like dickheads.

rollonthesummer · 22/07/2017 07:50

If that was me, and my DD was upset, I'd be coming home that night. They will still have a good 12 hours 'child-free' if that's what's so important to them?!

She is almost blaming you for her DD's upset. Where is your DD tonight?

rightwhine · 22/07/2017 07:59

Text them back and say that of course you are happy to have her but if she is going to be upset would it be better for them to come home that evening?

OnlyRose · 22/07/2017 08:11

they will will aim to be home by 10.30
You need to tell her again that you have to be out the door at 10am, or they will never get back on time.

TheRandomBlues · 22/07/2017 08:15

Don't let them take the piss!
You said you need to be somewhere at 10:30 - you don't have to explain where, it's private.
Just say you have somewhere you NEED to be AT 10:30 so you will drop her off at their house at 10am and if they aren't there then she will be alone, that will spur them to be Home on time!!!!

elessar · 22/07/2017 08:15

I would reiterate you have somewhere to be at 10.30 so can they ensure they're back by 10!

Otherwise the 'aim to' sounds like it could easily stretch by a couple of hours if not more.

Don't feel guilty about the DD being upset, it's not your fault. If they want to stay over rather than come back early (which is perfectly fine) then any guilt is all theirs.

MsPavlichenko · 22/07/2017 08:30

They are still at it. They will "aim to be back" later than you have asked them to be. I'd hazard a guess they won't. If I were you I'd reiterate exactly when you need them back by giving them an actual time eg 10am. And in front of their DC so you all know where they are.

You are doing them a favour remember, so this is entirely reasonable. Don't be embarrassed about it.

Smallangryplanet · 22/07/2017 08:48

"Aim to be back" is bullshit. What an absolute cheek, you friend is acting like she is doing you a favour. I'm dying to know what time she turns up. They are disrupting your day, you don't have to have any specific plans other than your day free to yourself from 10:30.

If she's late it would be acceptable to say you're disappointed and won't be able to have overnights in future.

She should be taking you out for brunch as a thank you.

HundredMilesAnHour · 22/07/2017 09:32

OP you are far too kind and lovely. And your friend is thick-skinned and selfish. You need to stand firm on this. Say you are dropping their kids off at 10am at their house so if they are not back, the kids will be alone until they get back. Their problem, not yours.

I fail to understand how they can "aim to be back" when it's only a 35 min drive. I don't understand why they they need to stay over at all. It just seems like a big excuse for a child-free jolly (but at the expense of denying YOU a child free weekend).

diddl · 22/07/2017 09:37

"However she has now said that her DD is unhappy about coming because my DD won't be here but not to worry. "

But it's still going ahead & you'll have an upset/miserable kid to deal with??

Is there really no one else who could have had the poor girl?

Or they could have declined the invitation when they realised that your daughter wouldn't be thereHmm

JiggyTuff · 22/07/2017 09:45

Yes - absolutely tell them you have to drop the children back by 10am so you can get to whatever you're doing at 10.30. Otherwise her 'aiming to' will turn into early afternoon.

rollonthesummer · 22/07/2017 09:48

they will will aim to be home by 10.30...although I did say I actually needed to be somewhere at 10.30! But that I can cope with.

She's still at it. She's taking the piss and you 'can cope' with it. How on earth can they aim to get somewhere 35 minutes away? Do they 'aim' to get to work on time? Do they 'aim' to get to the theatre before the curtains open?!

Please reply and say you need to leave at 10, so can they be back for 9.45 otherwise they will make you late. They're treating you like staff! Please don't get to the point where you are posting on here at 11.30 tomorrow saying you are still waiting for them to collect two miserable children who haven't slept all night.

Note3 · 22/07/2017 09:50

I don't mean this to sound unkind but you're doing them a massive favour as it is, then they tried to increase the favour by taking up most of your Sunday...then when you text a reasonable collection time Sunday morning she has STILL made it on her terms and encroached on your goodwill. You need to put your big girl pants back on (meant nicely) and reply saying that no, you need them to be back for 10am as you must be elsewhere for 10.30. Say you are happy to help then out but you also have your own things you need to do so they need to be back for 10am

eddielizzard · 22/07/2017 13:32

you've drawn your line in the sand. make them come back for 10. you have to stick to your guns.

'i'm afraid i need to leave at 10, so you'll need to get back by then. 10.30 is too late.'

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/07/2017 14:31

Remember what I said above?

If they begin to make noises about how they are sure it will be fine and will "try" to be back by noon then back out as they will not be back before 3pm knowing full well that there is nothing you can do about it.

Ok so its not noon but it is already half an hour later than you asked them to be back and not a firm "Yes, we will be there" but a "We will try to be....". They will not be back before lunchtime, I am sure of it.

Hissy · 22/07/2017 15:22

Why do people put up with this shit?

fairypuff · 22/07/2017 15:39

I'm amazed by the balls some people have. I would never dream of bartering with someone who was already doing me a huuuuge favour by looking after my kids overnight. What the hell is going on in her mind to think that this is acceptable behaviour?!
I wouldn't be doing favours for anyone who takes the piss like this.
You are far too nice OP!