To ask friends to come back early to look after their DC?

[zazas]

Friends are going to a wedding this Saturday and I'm looking after their two children. The wedding is at 12.30 and they are staying the night in their campervan. It's about 35 mins from where we live. I have a DD who is the same age as their DD which is why I was asked but she has now had to go away and won't be with us. It's just unfortunate it's this weekend as it would have been a very very rare moment with my DH and DD away and with only my teenage DS in the house to have caught up on myself but it is what it is. Anyway tonight my friend has said that on the Sunday morning they were now going to meet with friends for brunch and will be home early afternoon. I was expecting them home mid morning to be honest. If my DD was with us I could probably stretch the time out but I will have worked over 50 hours this week (because she is away) and need time to get on top of things on Sunday plus get back to my DS. I'm really not being unreasonable to ask them to be home earlier am I?

[Smallangryplanet]

When is your dd staying with them?

You've done the right thing. I wouldn't be so accommodating next time.

[diddl]

It's not just that they seemed to think it OK to add stuff on without checking first, but also that their daughter wasn't so happy to be going without Op's daughter being there.

Even if Op didn't have any plans for the Sunday, why would she want to spend it entertaining someone elses daughter?

[ptumbi]

Oh come on it's not that bad in the end! Yes they were cheeky making plans for the Sunday but if your dd had been there that would have been fine. 10 is really early to get back from a night out and they were there by 11 so didn't steal your whole day. I think this was a storm in a teacup and it would be a shame if it stopped you doing favours for each other in future - oh FUCK OFF! If I'm doing a favour for someone, I expect them to honour the time that I ask them to be back!
My time is as precious to me as it is to them, and any piss-taking would definitely mean I don't do a fucking thing for them next time!

(And it has happened to me - but not more than once)

[ZZZZ1111]

Adalind I think when you have children 830 is actually a wonderful lie in!

[YoureNotASausage]

Sounds like the DH might be a bit entitled and rude which would rub me up wrong under the circumstances.

[zazas]

YoureNotASausage - thanks you are probably right! Which I guess was my original issue - my circumstances has changed - hey maybe yours might need to do too - without me needing to spell it all out!

[YoureNotASausage]

Oh right, so there was an original time discussed. I'm not criticising you at all as I know well the feelings you've had about it but just can see it from the perspective of how different the whole atmosphere about it would have been if your situation with your dd hadn't changed. They are probably clueless to how much their pretty minor changes (oh as we're already with friends and in the wedding mode brunch before coming back would be fab, lets ask if kids can stay a few extra grs) have incited a mob to rage on mumsnet😅

[zazas]

YoureNotASausage that wasn't the case at all. It was always a morning pick up as they were planning to go away on holiday. Then my DD was away (and yes it was unfortunate as it meant I lost my own child free weekend) but I never ever said I wouldn't do it - that was never an option. I jus assumed it would be the same time as loosely discussed - around 10 until she said that actually as they were no longer going away the next day, they were going to do brunch with friends and be back in the afternoon. Yes if my DD was going to be there, I would have made it work (as happy to help them out) but the point was I was now on my own and needed to get back on top of things etc. Anyway thanks to people 'listening' to me on mumsnet I put my big pants on and asked them to stick to original plan - which they roughly did. Lessons learnt and all that.

[zazas]

AdalindSchade - It is all fine - we will still help each other out etc. But setting time limits (when they are important to you) is something that I will ensure that will I establish from the start from now on.

I understand too well how parents sometimes are 'intoxicated' with the freedom of not having their children but when you are relying on others to look after your children - it is often a compromise. I feel it was more my friend's DH - he seemed to imply what was the big deal about me having the kids for the day - after all that is what I do - isn't it, mother! (Yes there are 5 children in this family but I also work full time!) As lovely as he is, he tends to have old fashioned views on a woman's role in society!

[YoureNotASausage]

I agree Adalind but I think the issue here is the OP changing her level of will to do this favour snowballing into 'they're such bastards'. I don't even think there was a set pick up time in the beginning so if at that point they'd suggested noon OP probably would have said yes, no problem. But then her mood about it all changed for various reasons and she clearly wanted to not do the favour and spends pages of a thread justifying feeling like they were taking the piss.

[diddl]

"10 is really early to get back from a night out"

I don't agree with that.

They were what, half an hour away?

So up at 9?

Anyway, that's not the point.

Op said 10, they took no notice.

They did what suited them-even though Op was the one doing the favour!

[AdalindSchade]

10 o clock a half hour drive away means waking up around 8.30 at the latest. It's not crack of dawn but it's hardly relaxing.

[Fruitcorner123]

I disagree with AdalindSchade their actions (being late) had implications for your friend. 10 is not that early!

They let you down and I wouldn't do favours for them again.

[AdalindSchade]

Oh come on it's not that bad in the end! Yes they were cheeky making plans for the Sunday but if your dd had been there that would have been fine. 10 is really early to get back from a night out and they were there by 11 so didn't steal your whole day. I think this was a storm in a teacup and it would be a shame if it stopped you doing favours for each other in future

[Butterymuffin]

Lesson learned, say no with a regretful smile next time.

[MsPavlichenko]

Glad you had a lovely day.

But, in the scheme of things they are a couple of chancers. They were late by an hour for no good reason. And they then compounded that by suggesting that they would have been later if it hadn't suited then to come back.

Ungrateful, rude, not real friends. I say that as someone who has been happy to do lots of babysitting/overnighters and more over the years for pals so totally get why parents need it. They have taken the piss, and I'd not be in any hurry to help them again. Did they bring a gift, flowers/chocs/wine?

[Smallangryplanet]

It's not you,it's them. If someone was looking after my DC I'd be happy to pick them up at whatever time they seemed appropriate.
You friend sounds clueless.

[Gemini69]

don't offer again Lady

[Jedimum1]

Glad you had a lovely day and you feel a bit more empowered! Thanks for the update :)

[TheMaddHugger]

yessssssss, Thanks for update ((((((Hugs)))))))

[zazas]

I am back - sorry for the delay - appreciate that you might have been clock watching for an update in real time - really sorry. I totally made the most of the day though that I had after the children left and went out walking with a friend, did errands in town and then out with my son and friends this evening - to something that they do regularly but I never can because I usually doing something for with one family member or another! It was lovely. Oh and then it was the Handmaids Tale to catch up on - and here I am...

So after saying I needed to be away by 10am they turned up at...11! Nothing to worry about in the whole scheme of life...but! Luckily my friend I was walking with was able to come closer to mine to walk another route due to me running late (however it did mean she was late visiting her DF in hospital - the whole all actions have a reaction thing!)

But the thing that got me was that my friend goes, "We needed to get back 'early' anyway as my DH has some work to do because we are going on holiday." I did feel like shouting, "No it is because your responsibility are your children and it is not fair to take advantage of me under the circumstances!" But I didn't, instead I asked her DH to help me out by cleaning up the dead and disemboweled rabbit the cat left as a 'gift' this morning. He could hardly refuse that!

By the way, her children were lovely to have and her DD coped brilliantly - although we did keep busy with lots of time outside and doing things. It was a shame my DD wasn't here (she is China of all places - which is another story and why it is so unusual I am without children!) so I was glad that she settled so well.

I know I must have sounded pathetic that I didn't set the boundaries at the start re time back etc but it is so easy (well for me) to assume that people will consider others and do what is 'right'. So thank you for all encouraging me to be more assertive and direct regarding what works for me - it was appreciated and I have learnt!

[HiggeldyPiggeldy]

I hope they did turn up on time

[Jedimum1]

She did say she had worked 50h this week and today was her only chance to rest and do house chores. She might be sleeping or gone to the cinema or whatever she wanted to do with her only afternoon / evening for ages.

[Msqueen33]

Oh god I hope not

[ShesNoNormanPace]

I presume she hasn't updated because she's still busy babysitting