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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask friends to come back early to look after their DC?

183 replies

zazas · 21/07/2017 00:09

Friends are going to a wedding this Saturday and I'm looking after their two children. The wedding is at 12.30 and they are staying the night in their campervan. It's about 35 mins from where we live. I have a DD who is the same age as their DD which is why I was asked but she has now had to go away and won't be with us. It's just unfortunate it's this weekend as it would have been a very very rare moment with my DH and DD away and with only my teenage DS in the house to have caught up on myself but it is what it is. Anyway tonight my friend has said that on the Sunday morning they were now going to meet with friends for brunch and will be home early afternoon. I was expecting them home mid morning to be honest. If my DD was with us I could probably stretch the time out but I will have worked over 50 hours this week (because she is away) and need time to get on top of things on Sunday plus get back to my DS. I'm really not being unreasonable to ask them to be home earlier am I?

OP posts:
DevilsDumplings · 21/07/2017 02:32

As I read it OP you aren't asking them to return earlier than the original plan. They have asked you -taking the piss- to return later. If that doesn't fit with what you need to do on your Sunday ask them to return by mid morning as planned.

TroubleinDaFamily · 21/07/2017 02:33

They are extracting the urine.

DevilsDumplings · 21/07/2017 02:33

taking the piss

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/07/2017 03:11

"I need to be gone by 10 am as I have plans for that day. Oh, it doesnt work for you? OK, well keep in touch I am sure that your DC will enjoy the wedding"

Dont be dragged in to doing something you dont want to do. If they begin to make noises about how they are sure it will be fine and will "try" to be back by noon then back out as they will not be back before 3pm knowing full well that there is nothing you can do about it.

OkPedro · 21/07/2017 03:21

Can you just say,, " I need you home by 12.30" "we have plans"
I don't think they are being cheeky.
If I was looking after a friends dc, i wouldn't expect them home before 12

mummmy2017 · 21/07/2017 06:03

Sod that, tell them you are planning a day out with your husband and will drop their daughter to them on the way , so neither of you need to be tied up all day, they can't argue with this as you did have the child overnight.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/07/2017 06:33

I read that as your dh and dd away. Could her dd go with them or are they not good friends?

ChangeCat · 21/07/2017 06:39

I would cancel the whole thing after that cheeky brunch request!

It's a rare night to yourself, why would you look after someone else's kids when your own is away?? Make some excuse like you have to go away for work or have minor surgery. They can hire a paid babysitter!

QuiteLikely5 · 21/07/2017 06:43

Sounds like sour grapes to me. You offered to babysit so how about getting on with it.

You can easily ask them to return the favour and take yourself off another night and then tell them you're having brunch!

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 21/07/2017 06:49

I would cheerily tell them that it doesn't work for you so you will drop the dc off at the campervan at 10am and reclaim your day to have lunch with ds. Then you don't need to worry that they might say they have drunk too much to drive.

Hissy · 21/07/2017 06:50

Drop their daughter back in the morning to them in their camper van, and go and have brunch with your dh!

dustarr73 · 21/07/2017 06:51

Is drop the kids to them Sunday morning that way your not waiting for them to come back.

Mumteadumpty · 21/07/2017 06:56

Weigh up whether it will be worth just doing it to bank the good will and have a return favour, with them having your DD in order for you to have a leisurely weekend away yourself.

Lowdoorinthewal1 · 21/07/2017 06:59

I definitely think they can take their kids to brunch with them! I would just say that you have stuff to do on Sunday and need to see your own DS. Would they prefer to come and collect the kids before they go to brunch or do they want you to meet them half way with the kids to save them some time.

5moreminutes · 21/07/2017 07:02

Blimey!

It's not their fault your DD is away, that is just unfortunate. However they cannot just announce that they are extending your babysitting obligations by several hours unilaterally, especially as you have to babysit at their house so get no time at home!

Tell them you have a had a hard week and need to catch up on chores at home on Sunday, so need to be home by 10am. No need to make anything up.

As they are only 35 minutes away they can brunch any time. What cheeky chancers!

mummmy2017 · 21/07/2017 07:03

I do think keeping your word is important, that was the reason I said say your will drop their daughter back to them, I am thinking you can drive here?

So you need to say it like this..

You know I agreed to baby sit your child over night, I am still willing to do this even though I don't have my own DD with me, but I really won't be able to entertain her from 10 onwards, can you either pick her up or arrange for someone else to collect her. I can't have her any later, and I am sorry if you feel this alters your plans, but I am doing you a favour and feel there should be some way we can sort this so we both feel happy.

What ever they say just keep saying no I really need you to collect her.

Raaaaaah · 21/07/2017 07:05

Just be straight with them. Either do it because you don't mind doing it or say you don't want to. Were you happy to do it in the first place? Nice for them to get some time together and might they return the favour?

5moreminutes · 21/07/2017 07:05

The OP is looking after two kids - the 10 yo who is her DD's friend and a 5 yo boy. It's not a small favour, the way one extra kid the same age as one of your own who is at home would be (that would just be a regular sleep over, but the extra younger child changes that anyway).

Raaaaaah · 21/07/2017 07:06

Why do you need to be with the cats? Do they not have a cat flap?

LazyDailyMailJournos · 21/07/2017 07:07

She is going to keep her word by babysitting - but I do think it's rather rude of the couple to expect the OP to give up most of her weekend to look after their child, without even checking. By announcing that they'll be back on Sunday afternoon it writes off almost all of the weekend.

OP tell them that you can't stay until the afternoon as you were expecting them back in the morning as you need to be away. You don't have to explain why or give them a reason - to be fair just wanting to spend some weekend time with your own family is reason enough!

mummmy2017 · 21/07/2017 07:07

Forgot the extra child,
Just tell them you need to leave by 10 can they collect the children, or make other arrangements for the night.

ptumbi · 21/07/2017 07:31

They know I have nothing on specifically on the Sunday... No they don't. No one knows someone else's life so intimately - you have plans, you have stuff to do, you have housework...
And I can't lie - you don't need to. Just say you have stuff to do in your own house after a long week at work.

Brittbugs80 · 21/07/2017 07:43

they know I have nothing specifically on on the Sunday

Well, just like they added the brunch on after you agreed to babysit, I'm sure you can find something that you arranged to do after the original return time they agreed to?

The agreement was to babysit overnight and for them to return in the morning. Not to then decide to do brunch and assume you will agree to this.

Anybody else hate the word brunch?!

Original poster
zazas · 21/07/2017 07:50

Thanks for your replies and pointing out that they really are taking the piss!!! When she told me last night I didn't quite know how to respond - I don't think she could see my gaping mouth as I was driving! The original request was to look after the DC for the wedding - back early on the Sunday as they needed to pack as they were away on holiday on Monday. They have now decided not to leave until Tuesday so maybe that is why they are no longer in a 'rush' to return!

It is totally inconvenient to be honest. My life is mega full on (My DH and I run our own business etc) and we have 4 teenagers together as well as the 10 year old DD and the last few months have been crazy with the exam period etc etc. So the fact that my DH and DD are away and also 3 out of the 4 teenagers - gave me such a rare snippet of time to actually not be all over the place. But that is just unfortunate the wedding is the same time and as I said - no question re keeping my word. My DD and DH reason for being away is pretty exceptional and there was no choice in her not going so while obviously my friends DC would prefer if she was here, that is what it is.

They prefer me to stay at theirs because of the cats and because they think it is less disruptive on their kids but there is really no reason that they can't stay at ours actually. I would prefer it, as although the 16 year old can be on his own - it is better if I am in the house plus of course I can get on with things. Not sure why I didn't figure this out before? Confused

But I will also say that I have things to do - which I do and can they be back by 10am, - that's all pretty reasonable. I guess you sometimes assume that your friends can see it through your eyes and it always surprises me when they don't. Maybe it shouldn't!

OP posts:
Miserylovescompany2 · 21/07/2017 07:54

I think you either nip this in the bud or expect a text saying, bunch has been changed to lunch which then morphs into an evening meal with drinks so no-one can drive back...

Yes Brit I'm not a fan of that word either!

It was a bloody cheek arranging something else without checking first. They assumed. Correct their wrong assumption or lose out on your own quality time!?

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