To wish people wouldn't disturb my quietly-playing toddler?

[jubilationbellsringing]

Yes, I'm BU. I know, I know, they mean well

But. Dc is 3 and often engages in play. It's interesting to watch as she clearly has an elaborate fantasy world and she 'makes' toys for herself.

She was doing it today after swimming - just sitting next to a locker chatting to her 'friend' and various women were commenting on it to her - 'who are you talking to? Ah, who is that? What are you doing?'

I know they just mean to be nice but she gets self conscious and then stops which is a shame!

I just think it's nice that there's people out there that like children. Some hurt them and treat them awful Nice to know there's people in the world that care enough to take time with them and treat them the way they deserve

Get a grip

Aw, I know and they mean well. But they talk so loudly to her and ... I don't know!

I think there's a happy medium between, children deserve there personal space to be respected and not made to feel uncomfortable but engagement will also help them to be social.

I get what you mean though, its like being on public transport as an adult - sometimes i just want to get from A to B without hearing the life story of the person sitting next to me. Although I make the effort with ederly people.

I remember hating it as a child and feeling self conscious so I feel for her!

They talk so loudly to her? What??

You know what I mean, I think

That extra loud voice people use when talking to children.

They're just being nice to a little girl.

Which is a good thing.

Your DD probably has lots of chances to engage in her own little world when she's at home but you will find people will engage with young 'uns in public.

Is she obviously shy? It's a shame when adults can't or won't accept that any particular kid isn't enjoying having a stranger trying to interact with them.

Do people use extra loud voices when talking to little children?

I'm not sure I've particularly noticed that

But then my DH swears I'm a bit hard of hearing so I may not be the best judge.

She is shy, yes.

And yes, people often do shout a bit. Sometimes do it to elderly people too.

I just don't remember anyone shouting at my children or grandchildren.

Nobody shouted at mine, either. Maybe it's because she doesn't respond that they assume she hasn't heard?

It's not really the important part of what I was saying though, is it

You're absolutely right.

They should tut and moan about children being seen and not heard.

I am a speaker-to-small-children, also to dogs. I genuinely thought most parents were quite happy to have someone take an interest, provided they were there and I am not presenting any threat or risk by saying things like "hello, I like your doll/truck" etc, but will stick to dogs in future!

My ILs are of the SPEAKING LOUDLY TO TODDLERS ilk. They say something, and if the peacefully-playing toddler doesn't engage, they say it again, louder, and keep going until they're up in the child's face shouting, like one of those drill sergeants from Vietnam films, if not prevented. The only thing is that it's always some well-meaning but inane question e.g. 'Are you a good boy?' Toddler looks confused. 'Are you a good boy???' Toddler doesn't answer because he's playing. 'ARE YOU A GOOD BOY???' By then we're at the levels of a U2 concert.

"I remember hating it as a child and feeling self conscious so I feel for her!"

I hope you're not passing on your hangups to your dd.

In Morrison's in my lunch break today there was s a little girl of about 5 there with her mum. Mum had stopped to talk to a friend and the little girl was doing a kind of little 'walk through' of a dance and also singing a tune really quietly to herself (probably to help with the choreography!). I bet if someone had drawn attention to her she would have stopped straight away or been self conscious and the spell been broken. It was gorgeous to just notice and then walk past not looking.

Yes BogQueens, I think a lot of people do that!

So true Flying

I don't have many family members left, and sadly for my toddler, she has no grandparents, so i'm always delighted when people chat to my toddler and make a fuss of her, it's good for her socially, I like the 'it takes a village approach' though.

In the nicest possible way, maybe you need to think this through a bit more?

Unless you're planning a life of seclusion for both yourself and your DD?

Just because someone isn't actively harming a child doesn't mean they should just do whatever they want and have the parents be grateful. 😒

I hated forced interactions with adults when I was a kid (and yes, they often use that extra loud, slow voice specially reserved for children and the hard of hearing). It is nice that they're taking an interest, but as with any social interaction, they should assess whether it's wanted. It seems like children are often pressed into unwanted conversations that solely amuse the adult.

Interestingly, no one ever wanted to engage my extroverted child, who was always bubbly and happy to talk to strangers. But my quiet, contently playing child -- he's a magnet for grown ups, who all want to interrupt him and then tell me how much of a precious child he is when he hides behind me out of shyness. It's weird.

BogQueens Thu 20-Jul-17 23:46:26
My ILs are of the SPEAKING LOUDLY TO TODDLERS ilk. They say something, and if the peacefully-playing toddler doesn't engage, they say it again, louder, and keep going until they're up in the child's face shouting, like one of those drill sergeants from Vietnam films, if not prevented. The only thing is that it's always some well-meaning but inane question e.g. 'Are you a good boy?' Toddler looks confused. 'Are you a good boy???' Toddler doesn't answer because he's playing. 'ARE YOU A GOOD BOY???' By then we're at the levels of a U2 concert.

^^^ This
(((((((Hugs)))))))))) OP

Try and take comfort in the fact that there are so many people who will blank her, or find her irritating, or be annoyed at her presence, in the world.