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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wish people wouldn't disturb my quietly-playing toddler?

155 replies

jubilationbellsringing · 20/07/2017 23:04

Yes, I'm BU. I know, I know, they mean well Smile

But. Dc is 3 and often engages in play. It's interesting to watch as she clearly has an elaborate fantasy world and she 'makes' toys for herself.

She was doing it today after swimming - just sitting next to a locker chatting to her 'friend' and various women were commenting on it to her - 'who are you talking to? Ah, who is that? What are you doing?'

I know they just mean to be nice but she gets self conscious and then stops which is a shame!

OP posts:
Original poster
jubilationbellsringing · 21/07/2017 13:52

I think Flogging, we probably won't agree on this as whether intentionally or otherwise not you sound very cross and irritable about this. It was not my intention to elicit those feelings when I posted.

However, you say 'chatting to a three year old' which suggests a reciprocal conversation. In fact, they are talking AT a three year old as she doesn't answer - stands and looks worried and confused - and laughing at her, too. Now, I know this is 'kind' laughter: it isn't intended to be mean - yet it makes children self conscious, just as it wild you or I if someone looked at us and chuckled.

Children don't realise they are sweet and appealing to adults Smile

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 21/07/2017 13:59

I'm neither cross nor irritable, op. Just bemused at the invasion of privacy angle...

Btw, you didn't mention laughing at her?

KoalaDownUnder · 21/07/2017 14:17

Gerda. You think talking to someone is as invasive as 'poking them in the belly'?

Okay. Confused

toosexyforyahshirt · 21/07/2017 14:23

Children don't realise they are sweet and appealing to adults

Of course they do. Even babies know this.

toosexyforyahshirt · 21/07/2017 14:24

that would be because the introverted don't actually do anything to anybody, they crack on with life without disturbing anyone and I'm not sure why we're criticised for it

What a load of generalising bullshit. Plenty of serial killers would be introverts, for one thing. Always described as "kept themselves to themselves".

GerdaLovesLili · 21/07/2017 14:35

It's a real shame that we don't use this system in everyday life it would save so much grief... Would the "extraverts" amongst you who feel that introverts are "taking the moral high ground" still feel that it was OK to randomly talk to a "red-badge" wearer?

To wish people wouldn't disturb my quietly-playing toddler?
toosexyforyahshirt · 21/07/2017 14:41

I would just think you're an utter loon.

Colour coded badges to say if people are allowed to talk to you? Heard it all now.

KoalaDownUnder · 21/07/2017 14:44

Yes, I would definitely like to model my social interactions on what people do at BronyCon. A convention for adults obsessed with My Little Pony. 😂

Pengggwn · 21/07/2017 14:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LanaDReye · 21/07/2017 15:14

I would remove the 'labels' of age and introverted and extroverted.

A person is happily having a daydream, when a complete stranger talks to them about being cute/ makes a joke and waits for a reply.
A) They should stop and be so grateful for the interaction and make the other person feel happy?
B) They should stop and try to work out where they know the other person from and what has been said?
C) They should stop and be angry?

In every scenario the content person has to stop and acknowledge a stranger. Why interupt?
The stranger could simply smile and get on with their own business?

youaredeluded · 21/07/2017 15:58

This is probably one of the most precious OPs I have ever seen.

Biscuit
DotForShort · 21/07/2017 16:06

You can't tell a naughty child off who makes fun of you, you can't talk to children in public, what's next - people getting snooty about people looking in their child's general direction?

Some people already behave this way. I was at a supermarket not long ago and a baby smiled and waved at me. I smiled and waved back. The mother looked utterly affronted and turned the child in the opposite direction so I couldn't see her.

Honestly, sometimes I think the world has gone completely, utterly mad.

To the OP: it sounds as though these people are attempting to be kind when they interact with your child in an entirely harmless, unremarkable way. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, I think it's lovely.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 21/07/2017 16:08

Social interaction is good for children. You should encourage it

I agree.

knityourgobshut · 21/07/2017 16:08

@toosexyforyahshirt what the fuck are you on? Not sure how you equated what I said to introverts are incapable of being serial killers (a ridiculous comparison to make, by the way) I said that they don't bother other people whilst out and about, unlike the people OP describe and who other posters are defending, so I'm unsure why we aren't able to "claim the moral high ground".

Why are the defensive people in this thread so incapable of understanding that some people want to be left alone and don't want to talk to random people? It's not a difficult concept.

Incidentally the last interaction I had with a stranger was a woman who took it upon herself to butt in to a conversation my mum and I were having in a lift at the hospital. I was polite and chatted back (albeit minimally as I wanted her to go away) but she carried on going and going and wouldn't move along after she had walked me to where I was going...during this time she felt it necessary to gently punch me in the arm to illustrate a point she was making about some random bollocks Hmm she quite clearly lacked any kind of social skills.

DotForShort · 21/07/2017 16:11

I'm an introvert. Being an introvert doesn't mean ignoring social norms.

Pengggwn · 21/07/2017 16:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
jubilationbellsringing · 21/07/2017 16:35

It's other posters who have been quite fixated on extroverts and introverts.

I'm not. I can sometimes be extroverted and introverted: I am not one or the other. Neither is my child.

But adults can be a bit frightening for very young children when they don't know them.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 21/07/2017 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlurryFace · 21/07/2017 16:47

I think it's quite nice when people are kind to my toddlers. Today my boys got chatted to and given £1 each by an elderly man on the bus and ordered to make me buy them chocolate with it.Grin It makes me feel part of a community. Much better than being scowled at while struggling to fold a buggy and hold on to a cranky two year old.

LanaDReye · 21/07/2017 16:49

I was stood in a queue recently and picked up some doughnuts by the till to be told by stranger behind me "those are no good for you". For background, I'm size 8-10 and had a mixed basket of items. I would never comment on anyone else's purchases and wasnt looking around to talk to someone. I think this 'social norm have a joke' stuff is an excuse for bored people to try to fill their time.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 21/07/2017 17:03

DS1 had a mild speech delay when he was 3 which made him very shy as at that point he didn't have the verbal and social skills to interact with random adults. Even familiar adults that he saw weekly weren't in his comfort zone for conversation. He was a smiley engaging baby, and he's now a perfectly articulate, confident 6 year old. Funnily his issues weren't resolved by forced interactions with strangers while he cowered behind my legs, but by targeted professional support to fill the gaps in his development, and a bit more time to mature.

I'm not against adults interacting with children, indeed DS2 loves it and will enthusiastically rise to the occasion, but it is unfair to interrupt a happily engaged child and/ or ignore their social cues when they don't want a random interaction. At 3 there is a long time left to absorb those skills. Solitary or side by side play is still in the normal range of development.

I love watching children absorbed in, their own world, but it's best done from a distance. (DS currently singing in the next room, and he would stop if I made my presence felt to him.)

UsernameDeclined · 21/07/2017 17:15

Hmm On a lighter note in the local ASDA a little girl shouted out
to a passing stranger, ‘I’m 4 today!’ Which started a chorus from random shoppers of, ‘I’m 36!’ I’m 58!” ringing out round the shop. Grin Made my day.

MrsHathaway · 21/07/2017 18:52

Sorry I bloody mentioned introverting [eye roll] as I expressed myself so poorly in the first place Blush

Really interested in the discussion of the relative ranking of one's own comfort and a stranger's need for conversation. I was brought up to humour the elderly when they do this as "it might be the only conversation they have all week" but I find it really uncomfortable and so I'd rather my children not have to until they have better small talk skills (etc).

On a lighter note in the local ASDA a little girl shouted out
to a passing stranger, ‘I’m 4 today!’ Which started a chorus from random shoppers of, ‘I’m 36!’ I’m 58!” ringing out round the shop. Grin Made my day.

That sounds FAB.

itsonlysubterfuge · 22/07/2017 08:57

KoalaDownUnder If you actually read that you would see that it's a system they are borrowing from the Autism Self Advocacy Network.

If it didn't say BronyCon and said AutismCon, I bet you wouldn't take the piss then.... Confused

toosexyforyahshirt · 22/07/2017 10:39

what the fuck are you on? Not sure how you equated what I said to introverts are incapable of being serial killers (a ridiculous comparison to make, by the way)

Not sure why you're so confused, I quoted you directly. You said "introverts don't actually do anything to anybody....they don't disturb anyone" which is not only ridiculous its blatantly untrue.