To wish people wouldn't disturb my quietly-playing toddler?

[jubilationbellsringing]

Yes, I'm BU. I know, I know, they mean well

But. Dc is 3 and often engages in play. It's interesting to watch as she clearly has an elaborate fantasy world and she 'makes' toys for herself.

She was doing it today after swimming - just sitting next to a locker chatting to her 'friend' and various women were commenting on it to her - 'who are you talking to? Ah, who is that? What are you doing?'

I know they just mean to be nice but she gets self conscious and then stops which is a shame!

flyingfoxes Fri 21-Jul-17 00:40:43
Just because someone isn't actively harming a child doesn't mean they should just do whatever they want and have the parents be grateful. 😒

I hated forced interactions with adults when I was a kid (and yes, they often use that extra loud, slow voice specially reserved for children and the hard of hearing). It is nice that they're taking an interest, but as with any social interaction, they should assess whether it's wanted. It seems like children are often pressed into unwanted conversations that solely amuse the adult.

Interestingly, no one ever wanted to engage my extroverted child, who was always bubbly and happy to talk to strangers. But my quiet, contently playing child -- he's a magnet for grown ups, who all want to interrupt him and then tell me how much of a precious child he is when he hides behind me out of shyness. It's weird.

^ This too.

why must people disturb me reading a book quietly, instead of chatting to the outgoing person looking to talk to someone.[they being obvious they wish to talk]

I just think that some people don't know when their input isn't wanted. If I saw a child playing with an imaginary friend I wouldn't dream of imposing myself on them and asking a bunch of daft questions - obviously it's going to make the child draw into themselves.

Not the end of the world, of course. A minor niggle. As the OP has made pretty clear.

I thought the golden rule for children was "don't talk to strangers"? Seems on MN it's the opposite as long as the stranger means well (because you can so tell after a 30 second interaction....) otherwise you're an ungrateful, antisocial, elderly-hating recluse

Social interaction is good for children. You should encourage it.

Over and above a child playing their own game quietly with themselves? Why? Personally, it's no different to interrupting someone's conversation with silly questions.

I think "not talking to strangers" is a very English thing tbh. Certainly it's not something I was told as a child, and I've certainly not raised my children to think this way.

I think "don't talk to strangers" is ridiculous.

Totes ridiculous post. Are you seriously bored op?

No one talks to my 3 year old while she's playing quietly. She must give off bad vibes!

Sounds like dd may morph into you

That's just what happens being out in public isn't it? Someone might talk to you and if they are pleasant and kind, you will tolerate it and respond kindly in conversation. I have a 3yo dd and I teach her to be polite to strangers. People often chat to her when we're out and about and it doesn't bother me or her.

She's clearly not worried about anything. She's just letting off a bit of steam about people who, through a lack of social skills, spoil her kid's quiet play.

Out at a cafe with Dd recently, older gentleman got right in her face 'THOSE LOOK LIKE NICE CHIPS! ARE THOSE NICE CHIPS?!' She gave him a bemused look and said 'er...yes?' Which is how I'd react if a complete stranger got right in my face while I was eating. People wouldn't expect an adult to put up with that so why should a child be 'grateful' for all human interaction, however weird and unwelcome?

" Try to reframe it in both your and her mind as an enrichment of your day,"

Why should she, if the child in question doesn't see strangers talking to her as an enrichment of her day?

Little girls are people too. I don't agree with sending them the message that their own feelings and pursuits don't matter as long as anybody else passing is kept happy.

It's not her daughter's duty to entertain people.

"This gets trotted out on MN quite a lot. How close is too close?"

Anything less than 5 feet. 10 if it's an "old biddy" 20 if it's a mil.

I get what you mean OP. It's hard when your child is shy and playing so nicely, they don't often realize that people can hear them and get lost in their own little world.

I know what you mean about that overly loud voice people use when talking to children. It's kind of like that baby voice people put on when talking to infants as well.

You wish they wouldn't do it, but you know they mean well. It's in that weird rock and a hard place. It's nice that people care and are trying to be friendly, but you also wish they wouldn't bother the happy playing child.

I feel the same way when people are constantly telling my DD how beautiful her hair is. I know they mean well and are being polite, but people have complimented her so much on it that she is obsessed about her hair. She doesn't like her hair being put up, cut, or wet. In the summer she is so hot, but doesn't want her hair put up because she thinks she won't be beautiful.

Anything less than 5 feet. 10 if it's an "old biddy" 20 if it's a mil.

I thought the golden rule for children was "don't talk to strangers

That's pretty outdated tbh. Ds was certainly never told this. He was told that if someone speaks to him it's polite to reply. He's been taught never to go anywhere with anyone without first checking with his trusted adult (me, DH, his cm). That way he realises that people generally only mean well and are not to be feared but that every intention is harmless. I also want him to know that it's often not complete strangers where the danger comes from.

Anyway, I'm quite an introvert. I understand that conversations aren't always appreciated. But I think it's nice when adults speak to children and think it's important that children learn that there can be a fine line between introversion and rudeness.

I love people chatting to my kids a couple of times some lovely old people have given them a pound or fifty pence, it's lovely to see people who enjoy children, yes kids shouldn't chat to strangers when parents aren't present but I wouldn't leave my kids unsupervised anyway.

Is there something in the water at the moment?!

You can't tell a naughty child off who makes fun of you, you can't talk to children in public, what's next - people getting snooty about people looking in their child's general direction?