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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman had no right to tell my son off

663 replies

WobbleYourHead · 20/07/2017 22:23

So we were in the car park of a supermarket often the subject of a MN thread when DS (9) had taken the trolley back to redeem the £1.
Being a bit of a monkey he was trying to put the trolley back "handle to handle" as opposed to slotting it in. I called across to him to put it in right which he did. In the meantime I jumped in the car and drove the short distance for him to get in the car.
As I approached a woman was telling him off saying something along the lines of he shouldn't have spoken to her like that....
I asked what he'd said and she said "He was being cheeky" so I questioned again what exactly he'd said & she just repeated that he was cheeky. So I told her she had no right to tell him off, she said she wasn't and the exchange went on for several minutes with her still refusing to tell me what he'd actually said!!
I asked DS again and basically she'd told him it wasn't nice for him to put the trolley back wrong so in return he'd basically repeated back "well that isn't nice" (her telling him) at which point she had a go at him!
AIBU to think that if she had an issue that the least she could have done was spoken to me but in the grand scheme of things there was absolutely no need for her to say anything to him at all?!

OP posts:
yolofish · 21/07/2017 00:10

"little shit" just about sums it up for me. But I am also wondering about driving round to pick him up from the trolley bay: most supermarkets I visit seem to be full of drivers who cant work out which way to drive up and down the lanes, backing out blindly and oblivious to pedestrians or other drivers etc etc. I think I'd have made my 9 year old walk with me to the car, back to the trolley bay, back to the car again - in which case he wouldn't have had the opportunity to act like a dick or get told off by a stranger for doing so. Maybe I'm just over-protective...

SaveMeBarry · 21/07/2017 00:10

Exactly wind this was an opportunity to point out to an impulsive child that doing something obnoxious in public often results in a member of said public voicing their dislike of that behaviour.

Jeez Op, it will happen in school, clubs, sports teams, at friends houses and indeed, supermarkets. The woman speaking to your son wasn't a big deal but you chose to turn it into one rather than simply allow him to learn that doing something that caused annoyance to other may in fact result in others expressing their annoyance! He's nine, he's old enough to realise he can't do whatever he feels like on a whim.

SerfTerf · 21/07/2017 00:10

You respect everyone and treat people how you would want to be treated. People can lose your respect, they don't have to earn it in the first place.

THIS. With big brass bells on.

Hudson10 · 21/07/2017 00:12

I told him that it wasn't good to be cheeky to people but surely respect is earned and not due?!

What's that supposed to mean in the context of small kids and adults? Surely you should be trying to raise them to respect and be polite?! Not with an attitude of "I'll only be polite to this adult if they "expect my authority" said in my head South Park style
No they shouldn't be backchatting strangers. I'd be mortified if my 9 year old did!

SerfTerf · 21/07/2017 00:15

It's something people who bang on about their "parenting style" and their "spirited" "monkeys" say @Hudson10

Original poster
WobbleYourHead · 21/07/2017 00:16

Oh, and just for the record I'm not parcel lady but I feel I should go check out that thread now.

OP posts:
MeanAger · 21/07/2017 00:20

but it's not like he's told her to fuck off or shove her trolley where the sun don't shine.

Give him time....

Hudson10 · 21/07/2017 00:21

Just catching up with the rest of the thread, and thank gawd it's not just me who's thinking "whyyy is OP driving to the trolley bay?" Grin
I was seriously thinking why can 9 year old not walk back? How far away actually were they?!
(Would shed light on why OP was nowhere near when the 9 year old started being cheeky though.)

user1498240695 · 21/07/2017 00:25

Wobble you will just be shouted down on here, utterly pointless. I agree with you but it's down to parenting style I suppose. Calling him a little shit etc as PP's have just highlights' how personal autonomy for young people is undervalued by such posters Flowers

Maryz · 21/07/2017 00:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 21/07/2017 00:27

You are completely unwilling to hear that your son was in the wrong but I shall add to the chorus of those who think your son was rude and you were BU.

It's also quite hard to reconcile your comments abouts how he can't be under constant supervision at his age (which I ageee with) yet you call him a "monkey" which is something most people say about children under 5.

Original poster
WobbleYourHead · 21/07/2017 00:29

@Maryz we all walked to the car (3 DCs) eldest walked the trolley back to the bay.

OP posts:
allthingslipsticks · 21/07/2017 00:30

You've mentioned that the distance between your car and the trolleys was small. At 9 years old he's also quite young, kids that age tend to be quite cheeky. I would have gone with him to put the trolley back TBH.

yolofish · 21/07/2017 00:31

personal autonomy goes both ways: yes you have the right to behave like a little shit and quite rightly get called up on it. OR, you could behave properly and be polite etc and your personal autonomy would not be in question. of course, if you're behaving perfectly normally and someone has a go at you you have a perfect right to pick them up on it. what's not on is dicking about and then backchatting the person that calls you on it - whatever age you are.

IvorHughJarrs · 21/07/2017 00:32

Oh well OP, at least User agrees with you so there will be two of you who can commiserate and wonder why you have such unruly teenagers in a few years time!

Maryz · 21/07/2017 00:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SerfTerf · 21/07/2017 00:36

@Maryz we all walked to the car (3 DCs) eldest walked the trolley back to the bay.

Nice to see you engaging with the main thrust of most of the responses OP Grin

rightwhine · 21/07/2017 00:37

I hate it when parents absolutely believe their child over someone else. I bet his version wasn't completely accurate.

Original poster
WobbleYourHead · 21/07/2017 00:41

@yolofish but the point is he wasn't dicking about when she called him out on it.

Thank you @user it's hard to convey what you mean on here especially when I'm basically being called a liar and my son a little shit. It's obvious from the responses though why she felt justified to comment after the fact. She was happy to engage in an exchange with him but not with me when I asked what he'd done wrong. She's probably over on Gransnet getting all the validation she needs.

@SunnySkies being a monkey here refers to behaviour that isn't particularly naughty but probably shouldn't be done and is often used right throughout the Primary years. They are still kids after all.

OP posts:
user1498240695 · 21/07/2017 00:42

Thanks Ivor. Actually I need not wait, my eldest is in her 20's. It's worked well for us Grin

Willow2017 · 21/07/2017 00:42

Nope if a kid was cheeky to me then they would get told.

Respect should be given to everyone. Why the hell do I need to earn some kids respect when I am perfectly polite to them in the first place.
If my kid was being an arse them then I would expect someone to tell him to stop.

He was rude to her he should be told off end off. Teach him manners cost nothing and get you further in life not that he can be as rude as he likes till someone 'earns' his respect. How the hell does that work?

Original poster
WobbleYourHead · 21/07/2017 00:46

@SerfTerf I'm not engaging with people calling me a liar.

@Maryz are you just deliberately misunderstanding/misinterpreting everything I say?! He was one of the 3 that walked to the car with me, I strapped youngest DC in, middle does herself then I emptied trolley before he was able to take it back.

As for believing/not believing his side of the story, I don't have hers as she wouldn't tell me again

OP posts:
Maryz · 21/07/2017 00:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Willow2017 · 21/07/2017 00:52

How can he 'probably didn't say anything wrong' but 'was out of order' talking back to her as well?

Can't be both. Yes smartmouthing back to someone is wrong he needs to learn it's not acceptable.

You couldn't possibly have kept your eyes on him while at the car putting kids in seats and then driving round.

She didn't beat him with a baseball bat get over it.

SerfTerf · 21/07/2017 00:55

What about the majority who AREN'T calling you a liar, just observing that YABU?