To think this woman had no right to tell my son off

[WobbleYourHead]

So we were in the car park of a supermarket often the subject of a MN thread when DS (9) had taken the trolley back to redeem the £1.
Being a bit of a monkey he was trying to put the trolley back "handle to handle" as opposed to slotting it in. I called across to him to put it in right which he did. In the meantime I jumped in the car and drove the short distance for him to get in the car.
As I approached a woman was telling him off saying something along the lines of he shouldn't have spoken to her like that....
I asked what he'd said and she said "He was being cheeky" so I questioned again what exactly he'd said & she just repeated that he was cheeky. So I told her she had no right to tell him off, she said she wasn't and the exchange went on for several minutes with her still refusing to tell me what he'd actually said!!
I asked DS again and basically she'd told him it wasn't nice for him to put the trolley back wrong so in return he'd basically repeated back "well that isn't nice" (her telling him) at which point she had a go at him!
AIBU to think that if she had an issue that the least she could have done was spoken to me but in the grand scheme of things there was absolutely no need for her to say anything to him at all?!

False consensus effect in all it's glory. Further, the assumptions by some posters are astounding. OP, not unreasonable at all

Ok fine OP you're right, practically everyone else is wrong

Seriously though, you started off full of righteous indignation that someone told your son something he was doing wasn't very nice. That' then became he wasn't even doing it because he'd already fixed it before she even got there (which makes no sense to anyone) and in the 2 hours since starting the thread you've obviously taken up embroidery because "not very nice" seems to have turned into verbal abuse as more and more people told you YABU. I'm waiting to hear that she handbagged him at this stage!

He did something naughty, someone called him on it. That's all. Your attitude is what's causing people to respond as harshly as some have because clearly to you anyone pulling your child up is so much worse than anything your child could possibly have done. Which is why lots of us are rolling our eyes and thinking "one of those parents"...

I don't see how what the woman said was a 'telling off', Surely "it's not nice to put the trollies in the wrong way round" is a true statement. Or do you think it's a good thing to do?

I bet your son is great to teach. little pet.

What is it with this "Oh but they're 9, they're just being kids" attitude? I was never allowed to get away with bad behaviour just because I was a kid. I see this a lot on here too. Maybe my Mum was just the old fashioned "you do what you're told or else" type.

Yes soggybiscuit I think what some people miss is that it might well be behaviour consistent with X age but that as the parents were supposed to explain why that behaviour isn't so great and perhaps steer them in the right direction. I often wonder do some people think their child will just wake up at 14 and think "oh, I've been a bit of an arse, I'll mend my ways immediately". That really doesn't happen!

OP, you are not being called a liar and no-one is being horrid.

You have asked us if you are being unreasonable, 99% of posters think you are, you keep changing your story and moving the goalposts, and you think the sun shines out of your cute little monkey's arse.

Fact is, with such an obstinate and argumentative and stubborn mother, I fear your boy's cheeky, rude, and obnoxious behaviour will only get worse.

And whilst I agree that respect shouldn't be automatically given PURELY because someone is a generation or two older, that doesn't give you a free rein to be rude. and especially not if you are a child. It's got fuck all to do with children having 'personal autonomy,' as some usernobody said. That is a stupid remark. Kids deserve respect, and to be listened to, but they need boundaries and rules, and it sounds like your boy has neither.

Never mind, at least @usernobody agrees with everything you say on this thread. 🙄

He has been 'cheeky' - why are you defending him? At nine he should know how to behave and know that he should not be giving random people in car parks cheek. I would have been fuming if any of my kids had done something to cause someone to call them cheeky. Perhaps in the future you could avoid this type of situation by avoiding the type of supermarkets that require you to pay a pound for the use of a trolly.

Wobble you will just be shouted down on here, utterly pointless. I agree with you but it's down to parenting style I suppose. Calling him a little shit etc as PP's have just highlights' how personal autonomy for young people is undervalued by such posters

I'm of the opinion that a 9 year old shouldn't be brought up to cheek people, and if they do cheek people, defend it and tell off people for pulling him up on it.
Never used the words little shit though. Not a little shit at that age - I've got a 9 year old myself. They only act like "little shits" if they know they can get away with it and it sounds in this case they can.

Ok I'm curious. Which supermarket doesn't require a pound for the use of a trolley? I'm in Ireland, some of ours require €2, is that better or worse?

There's a huge difference between respectfully disagreeing with an adult, and with mouthing off. It sounds like the child did the latter. But rave on, userwhatever. When your kids stop getting invited places because they're mouthy little sods, you'll know who to blame.

(I bet you blame everyone else except your crappy parenting)

Ok I'm curious. Which supermarket doesn't require a pound for the use of a trolley? I'm in Ireland, some of ours require €2, is that better or worse

Not all of them do. Our local big Asda supermarket requires no coins whatsoever.

Tesco near me states they are 'helping us' because their trolleys STILL can't take the new pound coins so they have removed the existing pound charge.

Trolleys abandoned all over the place now, in the middle of the road, next to cars, no thanks I'll shop elsewhere

None of the big supermarkets here require a pound for a trolly ieTesco, Sainburys, Asda and Waitrose. The only one that does is Aldi.

The fact that he would so blatantly muck about in plain sight of you says a lot about his behaviour and your parenting...

I wouldn't have dared do that in front of my parents!

Well aren't you all very posh trustworthy! Even the ones in naice suburbs of Dublin require you to put money in . No matter how far they are from the canal...

Your child is a rude little shit
he was a little shit
What a horrible rude child
Your son is a smart arsed little shit

Yes, the OP is BU, but ffs people.

Your son was cheeky to an adult. He got told off. That's what happens in the real world beyond mummy's apron strings.

YABU.

"surely respect is earned and not due?! "

What would she have had to do for you to have deemed her worthy of respect - and until she does it she gets none?
I really hate "respect is earned" thing I hear so often. IMO respect is the default and I will treat others with respect unless and until they give me a reason not to.

So he was never out of your sight or earshot ? ......... so you do know what he said then ?

user1498240695

False consensus effect in all it's glory. Further, the assumptions by some posters are astounding. OP, not unreasonable at all

False consensus? Who are you, user, the authority of all consensus?

I wouldn't have said anything to the kid, pick your battles and all that, it's hardly the crime of the century. Your boy does sound pretty rude though.

OP, what do you aim to teach your son? What kind of adult do you hope he will become? What kind of society do you think your children need for them to thrive in?