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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman had no right to tell my son off

663 replies

WobbleYourHead · 20/07/2017 22:23

So we were in the car park of a supermarket often the subject of a MN thread when DS (9) had taken the trolley back to redeem the £1.
Being a bit of a monkey he was trying to put the trolley back "handle to handle" as opposed to slotting it in. I called across to him to put it in right which he did. In the meantime I jumped in the car and drove the short distance for him to get in the car.
As I approached a woman was telling him off saying something along the lines of he shouldn't have spoken to her like that....
I asked what he'd said and she said "He was being cheeky" so I questioned again what exactly he'd said & she just repeated that he was cheeky. So I told her she had no right to tell him off, she said she wasn't and the exchange went on for several minutes with her still refusing to tell me what he'd actually said!!
I asked DS again and basically she'd told him it wasn't nice for him to put the trolley back wrong so in return he'd basically repeated back "well that isn't nice" (her telling him) at which point she had a go at him!
AIBU to think that if she had an issue that the least she could have done was spoken to me but in the grand scheme of things there was absolutely no need for her to say anything to him at all?!

OP posts:
Original poster
WobbleYourHead · 20/07/2017 23:52

@wolfiefan the cunt was in reference to a previous poster suggesting that because people suggest respect is earned that they are cunts. I didn't suggest the woman was.
@quizqueen How many 9 year olds do you know that are under constant supervision?! It's only 2 years until they're in secondary school and chances are they'll be having to make their own way there.

OP posts:
MeanAger · 20/07/2017 23:53

So woman sees child fucking about with trolleys, then laughing when his ineffective parent half asses the "oh do stop being so spirited darling" before getting in the car and decides to tell him what his parent should have been telling him for the sake of all the rest of us and gets a load of lip back in return. Nice.

SerfTerf · 20/07/2017 23:55

So you just called @MeanAger a cunt for making an accurate observation that you didn't like?

Original poster
WobbleYourHead · 20/07/2017 23:55

I just love it when people actually read the op then just ignore what's actually written and make their own version of events.

OP posts:
SerfTerf · 20/07/2017 23:56

Oh we can read it just fine.

RaspberryRuffless · 20/07/2017 23:56

It's pretty unanimous that YABU. Why did you ask if all you want is people telling you what you want to hear?

SnickersWasAHorse · 20/07/2017 23:56

As for his behaviour in school well he's highly academic and in the top 5 for effort & behaviour.

Hold on. The school ranks the children according to behaviour? Did you get this in his report?
'Behaviour- 5/31'
'Effort- 5/31'
Who are the other 4?

crazykitten20 · 20/07/2017 23:56

He was being smart arsed and sassy. Towards an adult he didn't know.

I'm rather laid back about telling kids off. I'd rather talk to them and understand their why, why they did the perceived naughty thing.

In this case I'd be very interested to understand why your son felt being an 'amusing' smarty pants was the right thing to do. What's his rationale?

For me I would have been (secretly) horrified if my daughter had ever done what your son did and I'd have got to the bottom of her 'why' to understand how she could have thought she was right to be disrespectful.

Maybe your son felt that trolley lady had no jurisdiction over the trolleys and therefore that she had no right to chastise him. True in a way. She didn't have any particular authority over the trolleys (did she?).

Wolfiefan · 20/07/2017 23:57

He messed around. She told him off.
But she's the problem here?
Gotta love MN
It wouldn't happen in Waitrose you know. Hollering in the car park is most uncouth!

Iloveanimals · 20/07/2017 23:57

OP you did ask if you were being unreasonable and you've done nothing but argue that you're not Grin

myrtleWilson · 20/07/2017 23:58

Could we have a diagram please OP - the car loading/trolley bay/stopping to let the woman across the road (plus other gentleman) would give it more context - thanks!

PixieXox · 20/07/2017 23:58

The boy sounds like a little shit, good on her.

SerfTerf · 20/07/2017 23:59

FWIW I suspect it was the laughing that tipped her into making incredibly mild rebuke.

You're obviously oblivious to how the behaviour you describe comes across to others.

It's unfair TO YOUR DS to make excuses for him while allowing him the behave in a way that others will consider obnoxious.

roundaboutthetown · 21/07/2017 00:00

I have to say, driving from a nearby parking space to get even closer to a trolley park sounds utterly ridiculous, as does letting your ds out of your sight and earshot for long enough to let a lady walk past your car to get to your ds before you on foot and tell him his behaviour wasn't nice, all entirely out of your sight and earshot, because you have decided to drive your car round to him instead of keeping your eye on him, all because this is apparently a way of saving 30 seconds...

Taylor22 · 21/07/2017 00:00

OP. Why did you bother posting here?

Maryz · 21/07/2017 00:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChasedByBees · 21/07/2017 00:03

surely respect is earned and not due

No no no no no! What an awful thing to teach your child, no wonder he's rude to strangers.

You respect everyone and treat people how you would want to be treated. People can lose your respect, they don't have to earn it in the first place.

Rhubarbtart9 · 21/07/2017 00:03

I think he got what he deserved

TheMysteriousJackelope · 21/07/2017 00:03

Respect is earned, common politeness is due, and that includes not mimicking people - which I find very rude as it's not like I can help my accent or my voice.

Maybe the woman saw your DS messing with the trolleys and didn't realize you had told him to stop. From her point of view an unattended child was fiddling with the trolleys in a parking lot, which can result in cars getting scratched up. 'That's not nice' about covers it. It was unfortunate he was already tidying stuff up, but he could have said 'Yes, my mother just told me that so I'm stopping' or even looked at her as if she had two heads and backed away slowly which seems to be the response of young children everywhere when confronted with a strange adult attempting discourse with them.

ineedamoreadultieradult · 21/07/2017 00:03

OP you have a situation where you are 100% in the right and no other opinions are valid because you are so correct that other opinions are not necessary. Yet you have asked 'Am I being unreasonable?' why would you do that?

roundaboutthetown · 21/07/2017 00:04

Maryz - clearly his poor little legs could cope with walkingnthe trolley back from the car to the trolley park, once the car was loaded up, but he couldn't make the tiny walk back, so his mum had to lose all sight and hearing of him while she drove round to rescue him.

Windbeneathmybingowings · 21/07/2017 00:04

It isn't nice to be told off when you aren't behaving. That's the lesson he should have learned today. But you taught him avoidance instead.

He's 9, he should be able to give you a clear account of what he said and be held accountable for it. Additionally, according to your logic, why should the lady be respectful to your son if all she's seen of him is answering back and fucking about with the trollies? He certainly hasn't earned it.

Hudson10 · 21/07/2017 00:06

I asked DS again and basically she'd told him it wasn't nice for him to put the trolley back wrong so in return he'd basically repeated back "well that isn't nice" (her telling him) at which point she had a go at him!
AIBU to think that if she had an issue that the least she could have done was spoken to me but in the grand scheme of things there was absolutely no need for her to say anything to him at all?!

I have a 9 year old DS. If he'd have been giving cheek to someone like it sounds your ds was, I wouldn't have a problem with them speaking to him about it.
How else would he learn it wasn't appropriate? Might not do it again so fast next time. Smile

hippyhippyshake · 21/07/2017 00:08

I'm with myrtle, I need a diagram. Until then I can't make a judgement on whether you are just being unreasonable or are absolutely batshit unreasonable.
But if you are the mad parcel person then I must tell you I have thoroughly enjoyed your two threads.

Original poster
WobbleYourHead · 21/07/2017 00:10

@myrtleWilson I actually just went to get a photo from Google Street view before you asked but alas it's just building sites and I've nothing to hand to draw it with.

The woman wasn't even at the trollies when he laughed beause as I said, I stopped to allow her to cross AFTER I'd already called to him to put the trolley right AND he had put the trolley right. Hence her telling him off (how he perceived it) in the first place was after the fact, I'd already told him myself and he'd already done what I'd asked just in case you missed the other 3 or 4 times I mentioned that
I heard the second part of the exchange where she was reprimanding him so I asked what he'd done. All she needed to do was tell me, the reason I added the "because he'd probably not said anything wrong" was because let's face it he possibly was out of order saying she wasn't very nice back to her but it's not like he's told her to fuck off or shove her trolley where the sun don't shine.
She got pissed off after sticking her oar in after
a) I'd already told him to pack it in and
b) Had the audacity to ask, as his mother, what it was he'd said wrong?!

OP posts: