Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman had no right to tell my son off

663 replies

WobbleYourHead · 20/07/2017 22:23

So we were in the car park of a supermarket often the subject of a MN thread when DS (9) had taken the trolley back to redeem the £1.
Being a bit of a monkey he was trying to put the trolley back "handle to handle" as opposed to slotting it in. I called across to him to put it in right which he did. In the meantime I jumped in the car and drove the short distance for him to get in the car.
As I approached a woman was telling him off saying something along the lines of he shouldn't have spoken to her like that....
I asked what he'd said and she said "He was being cheeky" so I questioned again what exactly he'd said & she just repeated that he was cheeky. So I told her she had no right to tell him off, she said she wasn't and the exchange went on for several minutes with her still refusing to tell me what he'd actually said!!
I asked DS again and basically she'd told him it wasn't nice for him to put the trolley back wrong so in return he'd basically repeated back "well that isn't nice" (her telling him) at which point she had a go at him!
AIBU to think that if she had an issue that the least she could have done was spoken to me but in the grand scheme of things there was absolutely no need for her to say anything to him at all?!

OP posts:
user1498240695 · 20/07/2017 23:37

Why shouldn't kids be permitted to chat back or stand their ground. Bollocks to respecting elders if older people think they can speak to youngsters like lumps of shit. She sounds like a bully. I wouldn't have dreamed of saying anything to him. This sort of thing annoys me. Your son has the confidence to speak out...good. All kids should feel they can do this.

haveacupoftea · 20/07/2017 23:37

Op: AIBU?
Literally everyone: YABU
OP: no I'm not

This is why I love AIBU Grin

Frazzledmum123 · 20/07/2017 23:37

I think I've understood it fine. I think what people aren't getting is that he is 9! He's 'acting immature' - yes because he is immature, he's 9?

I very much doubt that he stopped and thought 'oh I know, I could inconvenience other shoppers by putting the trolley the wrong way round, that'll really piss them off'. More likely, he was trying to be funny by doing something the wrong way. Not funny but again he's 9! It's up to his parent to remind him of the consequences of his actions i.e. that'll make things awkward for someone, which she did and so he corrected it. Seriously I don't see that as naughty. The back chat was wrong but I don't think she's bu to be annoyed at someone making a big deal out of something that didn't affect them in the slightest

Blinkingblimey · 20/07/2017 23:39

Omg op - are you the same poster as the 'parcel refusnik' from last night?! YABU and your head needs a proper wobble in addition to what you may have already tried. FFS be a parent.

MeanAger · 20/07/2017 23:40

but surely respect is earned and not due?

UGH! I hate this saying! It is always trotted out by someone as justification for being a cunt to people.

roundaboutthetown · 20/07/2017 23:40

And blocking an aisle of trollies to be a twit is not acceptable, just because it isn't the only aisle. Trying to do what he tried to do was idiotic and obnoxious. Which is why you told him not to do it, surely, rather than indulgently letting him go aheadbecause there were other aisles of trollies for people who weren't there to muck about, but who actually wanted to shop with them...

CorbynsBumFlannel · 20/07/2017 23:41

Telling someone they shouldn't be messing with a trolley isn't bullying them or talking to them like shit!
And why are you now saying that your son probably said nothing wrong when you have said earlier in.the thread that he admitted parroting her words?
Glad this thread has helped you realise yanbu though op Hmm

Maryz · 20/07/2017 23:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaveMeBarry · 20/07/2017 23:41

wobble whether or not someone would repeat it might depend on how you approached them. You've given an impression here (to me at least) of someone who's knee jerk reaction is to be defensive of your child and you may well have come across aggressive. And I'm sorry but I do wonder whether your DS said a bit more than what he told you he said.

ineedamoreadultieradult · 20/07/2017 23:42

An immature 9 year old shouldn't be given the putting the trolley back task. I have a mature 9 year old who can manage to do this task without dicking around or back chatting.

Original poster
WobbleYourHead · 20/07/2017 23:43

@Blinkingblimey in case you missed it I was being a parent at the point I called over to him to stop putting the trolley in the wrong way, the same point at which he laughed because he thought he was funny, but also payed attention and put it back the right way!!

@MeanAger the phrase is usually hated by people that think age and/or position gives them the right to be a cunt.

OP posts:
Maryz · 20/07/2017 23:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MeanAger · 20/07/2017 23:43

And just for future reference, respect for other people should be a bare minimum expectation for the very simple fact that they are people. Just like you and your son. No better, no worse, no less deserving of respect.

MeanAger · 20/07/2017 23:44

the phrase is usually hated by people that think age and/or position gives them the right to be a cunt.

Grin nah love.

IvorHughJarrs · 20/07/2017 23:44

User That's an awful outlook and if children grow up thinking that is ok they will end up getting into all sorts of trouble

Children should start from a position of respect for all adults, those who behave badly may lose it, but it is a good start point. They also need to learn that sometimes the best thing to do is to be polite to strangers, even if you don't think they are right

My view is that she was probably wrong in criticising him but he was definitely wrong in cheeking her back. You were even more wrong in allowing that

quizqueen · 20/07/2017 23:45

Really fed up of parents who think their kids are so precious they can do no wrong- a 9 year old needs to be supervised at all times.

Wolfiefan · 20/07/2017 23:47

Nothing you have posted suggests she was "being a cunt" nice attitude BTW.
He messed about. She called him out on it. Fair enough.

Original poster
WobbleYourHead · 20/07/2017 23:48

There's no confusion as to whether he did what I asked first time, in one place I said "He put it back the second I asked him to" as in straight away, at the moment I asked him to not second time of asking. I also didn't leave him at the trolley bay and walk away, I called over to him from the car where I was finishing off putting the shopping in and getting myself in!

OP posts:
roundaboutthetown · 20/07/2017 23:48

So your child laughed when you told him to put the trolley back the right way... and you didn't tell him why his behaviour wasn't funny. No wonder he doesn't understand what antisocial behaviour is.

BackforGood · 20/07/2017 23:49

Yup. Have to join the chorus of YABU.

Would also like to know why you asked "AIBU", because it seems that you still don't accept it after 7 pages of virtually everyone telling you you were, you are still disagreeing with everyone. So why ask ? Confused

roundaboutthetown · 20/07/2017 23:51

Child is obnoxious, finds his antisocial behaviour funny and answers back when people tell him his behaviour was not very nice. He really didn't cover himself in roses, did he?!

BoysofMelody · 20/07/2017 23:51

No wonder he's an I'll mannered little shite when he's responds rudely to a reasonable request by an adult you back him up without question, when what he needed was a bollocking

What odds you'll be on here in 5 or so years complaining you have an unmanageable teenager and you can't work out why?

user1498240695 · 20/07/2017 23:52

Fantastic! Let's make kids so respectful of adults and keep their little traps shut when they sense injustice. Empowering kids is of benefit from a young age especially empowering them to tell on an abuser. It all goes hand in hand. Sorry but there it is.

JiggyTuff · 20/07/2017 23:52

If the trolley bay was really close, you wouldn't have driven over and picked him up. Your story has more holes than a decent bit of Emmenthal

SerfTerf · 20/07/2017 23:52

I told him that it wasn't good to be cheeky to people but surely respect is earned and not due?!

You're using that as a justification for him checking someone who quite rightly, and mildly, "told him off" (told him it wasn't nice to) fartarsing around with trolleys like a brat and basically making a nuisance of himself? Shock

Don't you think she showed HIM a good deal more respect than HE had earned?

I hate the society we're now getting as a result of shit parents minimising little horrors as "monkeys", failing to supervising their children adequately and then kicking off at any concerned adult who delivers the mildest rebuke.

Well intentioned adults keeping a weather eye is a GOOD thing.