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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman had no right to tell my son off

663 replies

WobbleYourHead · 20/07/2017 22:23

So we were in the car park of a supermarket often the subject of a MN thread when DS (9) had taken the trolley back to redeem the £1.
Being a bit of a monkey he was trying to put the trolley back "handle to handle" as opposed to slotting it in. I called across to him to put it in right which he did. In the meantime I jumped in the car and drove the short distance for him to get in the car.
As I approached a woman was telling him off saying something along the lines of he shouldn't have spoken to her like that....
I asked what he'd said and she said "He was being cheeky" so I questioned again what exactly he'd said & she just repeated that he was cheeky. So I told her she had no right to tell him off, she said she wasn't and the exchange went on for several minutes with her still refusing to tell me what he'd actually said!!
I asked DS again and basically she'd told him it wasn't nice for him to put the trolley back wrong so in return he'd basically repeated back "well that isn't nice" (her telling him) at which point she had a go at him!
AIBU to think that if she had an issue that the least she could have done was spoken to me but in the grand scheme of things there was absolutely no need for her to say anything to him at all?!

OP posts:
brasty · 21/07/2017 14:07

And if you demanded to know what he had said in a manner that was at all aggressive, I would not have wanted to tell you what he said either. The last thing I would have wanted is a public fight outside a supermarket.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 21/07/2017 14:09

I'm amazed that there are people like the op that don't seem to grasp that a different kind of polite is needed when speaking between friends, when speaking to someone a lot older, when speaking to a teacher or boss. Have you really never noticed this op? Of course saying the same thing back can be cheeky when the context is child to adult rather than adult to child. If I tell my child they need to go their room I am interacting with them in an appropriate way as their parent. If they tell me to go to my room they are being cheeky.

mummmy2017 · 21/07/2017 14:09

Timeline was wrong was my first though as well.

No random person would make a comment unless the child had done something.

Think you know your child, well we all do, we all also find out our little darlings can and do lie to us and get away with it.
I know for a fact as a child I was never a bother to my parents, smiled and was an angel when out and yes I lied to my mum and dad over silly things like eatting all the cake, and never got caught out...

shortcake76 · 21/07/2017 14:13

Sorry, but yes I agree with the others. If your son was rude / cheeky, I definitely would have said something in return and pulled him up on his behaviour. Manners is manners at the end of the day. With you going in raging at her, I am sure the woman has gone away thinking he gets his behaviour and rudeness from the mother.

guffaux · 21/07/2017 14:13

wobble- to be accurate, you weren't there, otherwise you would have seen and heard the full exchange between your son and the woman, (and this thread may not have been posted at all, or it may have been a different thread altogether

CorbynsBumFlannel · 21/07/2017 14:16

Had you thought that maybe she gave him a ticking off because she is sick of not being able to get a trolley because of 'little monkey's' fucking about with them and didn't give a shiny shit that you'd already told him - she wanted to tell him herself that it makes things difficult for people.
Doesn't sound like your child is some kind of shrinking violet who even cares that he was told off op. The only one bothered seems to be you.
You are right that at 9 your son is getting to an age where he will be supervised less and less. He really shouldn't need you to swoop in because someone has said the same thing you'd already said to him.

MiaowMix · 21/07/2017 14:26

Not angry. Just kind of bemused really.
Anyway bonne journee to you all. Smile
🎩

Original poster
WobbleYourHead · 21/07/2017 14:27

How was I "going in raging at her" I wasn't and at no point did I say I was.

OP posts:
MyPepper · 21/07/2017 14:31

I am adult was telling off my child and was refusing to tell me WHY, I would have great doubt about the adult and the reasons for the bollocking tbh.

If you are telling a child off, yours or someone else, surely you do know why and what has led to that?
By not saying anything, I would assume that actually the adult has no reason to do it and very well knew that. I certainly wouldn't assume that the adult is automatically right and the child automatically wrong either (hence wanting to have the adult version of what has happened).

Seeing that the adult in question refused to actually said what she had seen and why she thought it was appropriate to tell him off, I'm suggking to see ho want one can guess what has happened and that the child was 'just a little shit'.

brasty · 21/07/2017 14:32

You told her she had no right to tell him off, Not raging, but you were obviously not happy with her. So unsurprising she wants to avoid a potential fight with you.

MyPepper · 21/07/2017 14:33

I also notice that many people in this thread have no issue with using very strong word about the child, such as a little shit.
If a parent or an adult was caught using these words about a child in public (or an suit for that matter), they would be tore to pieces.

I'm wondering why this is seemingly acceptable on this thread.....

brasty · 21/07/2017 14:33

MyPepper It is common these days for parents to get angry at a stranger telling their kids off, including when it is obviously justified.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 21/07/2017 14:56

This thread is going to be legendary isn't it, like creme egg and helpful postman ones. It'll be referred to in years to come!

Anyone who hasn't RTFT, here's the gist:

OP - AIBU
99% of posters - YABU
OP - no I'm not, my son did nothing wrong
1% of posters - YANBU
OP - thank you 1%, I knew I was right
99% - here are some fair and logical explanations as to why YABU, and also we've noticed some inconsistencies in your story
OP- I'm leaving, I'm not staying to be told my mini-messiah is not well behaved when he insults old people
Everyone else - bye
OP - you lot just HATE children and say children aren't real people with feelings. Even though I didn't know what he said because I didn't hear, if he swore at someone I'd be fuming
Everyone else - I thought you didnt hear what he said
OP - I heard everything and know he didn't do wrong
EE - then why are you asking? What's the truth?
OP- .....you don't know me and you're wrong!!!

Pengggwn · 21/07/2017 15:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 21/07/2017 15:01

OP, none of us were there, but we are going off the way you are describing the situation, and I'll be honest the way you've described it neither you or your son come out looking good

Maryz · 21/07/2017 15:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MinorRSole · 21/07/2017 15:07

Was that the one where op wanted to give her ds a super soaker for the park party?

*but it's not like he's told her to fuck off or shove her trolley where the sun don't shine.

Give him time....*

This made me laugh Mary Grin

woodhill · 21/07/2017 15:16

Maybe the telling off woman was off her trolleySmile

Sorry I had to get that one in.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 21/07/2017 15:18

Oh super soaker was the best!! I re-read it recently during a loooong night of cluster feeding and it made it a very enjoyable night Grin

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 21/07/2017 16:31

Ah, "Mother knows best", GrannySmithy. Why, of course. Hmm

Now we have the full bingo card.

UnicornSparkles1 · 21/07/2017 16:39

Ha! Amazing round up Cherry

Can't believe this thread is still going Biscuit

WaitrosePigeon · 21/07/2017 16:41

Cheeky = Little shit

Cheryl39 · 21/07/2017 17:07

I would be very reluctant to tell someone 's child off.....you never know whether someone has behavioural difficulties or a condition where they repeat what is said to them. Wobbleyourhead must be feeling quite ganged up on with so many people calling her child cheeky or worse. She was clearly posting here because she was looking for support. Enough is enough...

KimmySchmidt1 · 21/07/2017 17:11

Its not really about "winning" against strangers or about defending the indefensible just because your son did it. Its about living in a community. Everyone's kids re a-holes once in a while and its healthy that when they cross strangers stranger tell them to back off and behave. That's life. No point irrationally defending him now if it teaches him that he can be rude to people - he will get a nasty shock when you are not there.

He was rude, and did something socially irritating and anti-social. He got pulled up for it, and in doing so that woman proved you were right to tell him off.

I would be glad of the support in managing a monkey.

brasty · 21/07/2017 17:16

I haven't called her child cheeky. The truth is all kids behave badly at times.