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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman had no right to tell my son off

663 replies

WobbleYourHead · 20/07/2017 22:23

So we were in the car park of a supermarket often the subject of a MN thread when DS (9) had taken the trolley back to redeem the £1.
Being a bit of a monkey he was trying to put the trolley back "handle to handle" as opposed to slotting it in. I called across to him to put it in right which he did. In the meantime I jumped in the car and drove the short distance for him to get in the car.
As I approached a woman was telling him off saying something along the lines of he shouldn't have spoken to her like that....
I asked what he'd said and she said "He was being cheeky" so I questioned again what exactly he'd said & she just repeated that he was cheeky. So I told her she had no right to tell him off, she said she wasn't and the exchange went on for several minutes with her still refusing to tell me what he'd actually said!!
I asked DS again and basically she'd told him it wasn't nice for him to put the trolley back wrong so in return he'd basically repeated back "well that isn't nice" (her telling him) at which point she had a go at him!
AIBU to think that if she had an issue that the least she could have done was spoken to me but in the grand scheme of things there was absolutely no need for her to say anything to him at all?!

OP posts:
nauticant · 21/07/2017 12:53

As I've repeatedly said, I'd wanted to know what he had said that was so bad as to warrant her giving him a ticking off. She refused to tell me.

From her perspective she probably saw you as the mother of a naughty child who was hectoring her rather than acknowledging that you do actually have a naughty child. It's usually best to avoid people who look like they might be going off on one.

Original poster
WobbleYourHead · 21/07/2017 12:55

Why is it called "back chat" or "answering back" when kids do it but not when adults do?!
Why did he not just "respond" to her comment?'
Just a thought.
I know my child, he's not a "snowflake" or "pfb" or "brat" or "a little shit".
He's not an angel either, I'm well aware of that and he is "disciplined" when it's appropriate for him to be so.
I asked for opinions on whether the woman should have intervened, they could have been given without the wild and disproportionate judgements about a child whom none of you have ever met.

OP posts:
toosexyforyahshirt · 21/07/2017 12:56

Kids are not adults, they are different in every sense.

Floggingmolly · 21/07/2017 12:57

Because he responded to her comment with pure cheek!

nauticant · 21/07/2017 12:59

I asked for opinions on whether the woman should have intervened

Sure. And the rest of the thread said "look at that elephant, what a big one!"

Original poster
WobbleYourHead · 21/07/2017 13:01

@Flogging I do believe I said that he told me his version of events from the outset. He told me after I'd asked the woman who refused to tell me in case you conveniently missed that part too
In all honesty it really didn't warrant the tone in which she was speaking to him but that's OK because he's 9 and clearly doesn't count as an actual person. The way she spoke to him I thought she was going to tell me he called her a vile name or sworn at her as opposed to what he actually did told her she wasn't very nice!

OP posts:
Original poster
WobbleYourHead · 21/07/2017 13:02

Again, how is it OK for her to say he's not being nice and when he says she's not it's appropriate for her to give him a ticking off?!

OP posts:
toosexyforyahshirt · 21/07/2017 13:04

I do believe I said that he told me his version of events from the outset. He told me after I'd asked the woman who refused to tell me in case you conveniently missed that part too

Yes but you also said you were in earshot the whole time, so why didn't you know exactly who said what without having to ask?

daisychainagain · 21/07/2017 13:06

Why do you keep on asking questions when you clearly are not listening to anything anyone has said??
The majority of mumsnet think your son was in the wrong.
You think he wasn't so what do you want from this thread?

FreudianSlurp · 21/07/2017 13:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floggingmolly · 21/07/2017 13:08

Maybe you got the sanitised version, and he actually called her something she was too embarrassed to repeat? He was hardly going to repeat it to you, even though you seem to view his antics as charming.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 21/07/2017 13:08

He's not an angel either

Always the stock answer from a parent who refuses to even entertain the idea that their child might, just might, have been a little bit cheeky. Hmm

Grannysmithy · 21/07/2017 13:08

I wonder how many of you would be happy for a random stranger to tell your child off in real life? Especially if you'd already dealt with the issue.

It's all very well jumping on the op & making judgements on a child you have never met based on this isolated incident, but actually all the op is doing is sticking up for her child who she knows best. I think most mothers would do this, regardless of whether the child was told off afterwards or not.

He was mucking about, yes. Being a child, this is pretty normal behaviour in my eyes. Maybe he shouldn't have answered back but no one on here knows the exact conversation or tone.

I think that it would get most parents backs up having random strangers on the Internet telling them their child was a little shit.

Typical pack mentality, very typical of mumsnet.

Put it behind you op, and enjoy the rest of your day.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 21/07/2017 13:09

Why is it called "back chat" or "answering back" when kids do it but not when adults do?!

Because it's disrespectful to talk to an adult like that. Rather simply.

toosexyforyahshirt · 21/07/2017 13:09

I wonder how many of you would be happy for a random stranger to tell your child off in real life?
Perfectly happy, if they were messing around and being cheeky. More people should do it, maybe we'd have less horribly behaved little emporers running around.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 21/07/2017 13:13

. I know when he's lying, he told me he repeated back that she wasn't nice (which to him she wasn't as he'd told her off for something he'd already put right).

So he told her she wasn't nice and you're struggling to understand why that warranted a ticking off?

Many of us on this thread have not called your son a name, but still think YABU. Simply supervise him next time and this wont happen.

Notreallyarsed · 21/07/2017 13:14

I wonder how many of you would be happy for a random stranger to tell your child off in real life?

If one of mine had done something that warranted a telling off from a stranger, I'd be mortified, and pretty pissed off with my kid.

Notreallyarsed · 21/07/2017 13:14

And I've not called either you or your son names OP, but I do think you're not helping your son at all by blindly defending him.

RiverTam · 21/07/2017 13:15

Because putting the trolley back the way he did originally (which she obviously saw him do) isn't very nice - that's a statement of fact. The fact that you'd already told him not to do it doesn't mean someone else can't reiterate the point. Now, he may not like her pointing that out to him, but too bad. Him saying hat she wasn't being nice by making that point is both cheeky (mimicking) but also suggestive that he thinks that people should only ever be nice to him, regardless of his own behaviour. An attitude like that isn't going to get him very far in life. And your attitude isn't going to help him either.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 21/07/2017 13:15

I wonder how many of you would be happy for a random stranger to tell your child off in real life? Especially if you'd already dealt with the issue.

Happily if they'd done wrong. But then I dont leave my children unsupervised to get into that situation in the first place.

Grannysmithy · 21/07/2017 13:16

Toosexy - even if you had already dealt with it? And to be fair he wasn't directly inconveniencing the woman was he? Different altogether if he had been messing around with her property or running riot in the supermarket.

Sometimes maybe a stranger does need to intervene, sometimes however people like to stick their nose in where it isn't needed.

Floellabumbags · 21/07/2017 13:22

I wonder how many of you would be happy for a random stranger to tell your child off in real life?

It's happened. I was grateful for the backup.

Bluntness100 · 21/07/2017 13:22

asked for opinions on whether the woman should have intervened, they could have been given without the wild and disproportionate judgements about a child whom none of you have ever met

Jeez op the forum has responded almost unanimously and told you yes she was right to intervene and explained why.

LurkingFather · 21/07/2017 13:27

He was told off because he behaved badly and inconsiderate. There was no need for the woman to be directly affected. She did the OP a massive service and got punished then and pillored here.

OP - you should feel ashamed for your behaviour and that of your son. Latter though simply reflects your own lack of manners, I would think.

FWIW, I would most certainly tell off kids who misbehave in public spaces, whether it affects me directly or not. If it is dangerous or inconsiderate - it needs challenging.

BackforGood · 21/07/2017 13:28

I wonder how many of you would be happy for a random stranger to tell your child off in real life?

Me
I was appreciative if any adult intervened if needed, and then backed it up with telling my child off for doing whatever they were doing, to need to have been reminded about their behaviour. But then, I have brought my dc up to be considerate of others.