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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman had no right to tell my son off

663 replies

WobbleYourHead · 20/07/2017 22:23

So we were in the car park of a supermarket often the subject of a MN thread when DS (9) had taken the trolley back to redeem the £1.
Being a bit of a monkey he was trying to put the trolley back "handle to handle" as opposed to slotting it in. I called across to him to put it in right which he did. In the meantime I jumped in the car and drove the short distance for him to get in the car.
As I approached a woman was telling him off saying something along the lines of he shouldn't have spoken to her like that....
I asked what he'd said and she said "He was being cheeky" so I questioned again what exactly he'd said & she just repeated that he was cheeky. So I told her she had no right to tell him off, she said she wasn't and the exchange went on for several minutes with her still refusing to tell me what he'd actually said!!
I asked DS again and basically she'd told him it wasn't nice for him to put the trolley back wrong so in return he'd basically repeated back "well that isn't nice" (her telling him) at which point she had a go at him!
AIBU to think that if she had an issue that the least she could have done was spoken to me but in the grand scheme of things there was absolutely no need for her to say anything to him at all?!

OP posts:
Oblomov17 · 21/07/2017 09:11

YABU
No I'm not.
Hmm

Grin
DeadGood · 21/07/2017 09:11

"Your son is a smart arsed little shit"

"he sounds like a nightmare"

"he was being a little shit"

Some of the comments on here are absolutely unbelievable.

echt · 21/07/2017 09:12

Am I the only MNer in stitches at the OP's username? In the circumstances.:o

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 21/07/2017 09:17

"I want my kids to know I have their back"

So does every other parent! But you are going about it the wrong way.

You really DO NOT KNOW what when on the whole time, you were driving a car, so unless you were right next to the incident, you DO NOT KNOW.

So when the lady refused to tell you what he had said, (she may have been afraid of you!) you should he just left the whole thing, and spoken to your son in the car, got the whole story off him and if needs be, said "oh she was a bit silly, but this all started with you messing about with the trollies".

Of course, if your son was going to be seeing this woman every week, then you woudl be 100% correct to get to the bottom of it, but you will never see this woman again.

Oblomov17 · 21/07/2017 09:19

Mimic'ing drives me wild. Both my ds's do it, so do most boys their age apparently (say their mums) and I think it's very rude.

fakenamefornow · 21/07/2017 09:21

I told him that it wasn't good to be cheeky to people but surely respect is earned and not due?!

Only read first couple of pages but felt I had to respond to this. Respect is absolutely due to everybody without them having to do anything first to earn it. You might then go on to loose that respect (as indeed your parenting has lost mine) but all people should automatically be given respect.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 21/07/2017 09:23

I have my daughter's back. Any loving parent has their child's back.

Which is why I've always instilled discipline and respect, and The fact that the world does not owe her and living, and People will not pussy foot around her.

MrsPicklesonSmythe · 21/07/2017 09:24

I don't mind strangers pulling my kids on rude behaviour. I wouldn't let them get away with it so it'd serve them right for thinking they could get away with it.

Syc4moreTrees · 21/07/2017 09:24

It sounds like a storm in a teacup. He was acting the eejit (as 9 year olds do) Something has gone on to cause the stranger to tell your DS he wasn't being very nice (which is a very mild reprimand, if a reprimand at all)...I can't see any possible motivation for a stranger to just walk up to a child and scold them for no reason, so we could probably assume something he was doing was unhelpful in some way. She also wasn't to know you had already spoken to him as you weren't there.

If it had been my child he would have just said sorry and come to get me. He certainly wouldn't have been back chatting. I think that's more the issue than the lady interacting with him. It's really not a big deal though is it?

Hudson10 · 21/07/2017 09:31

If you read the thread I've given his version of events. I'm done.

Oh I love MN at the moment. So many asking if they're being unreasonable, and then having a flounce when being told practically unanimously that they are!
WHY BLOODY ASK IN THE FIRST PLACE?! Grin

MycatsaPirate · 21/07/2017 09:34

YABU

My DD is 11 and has been taking the trolley back for 3 years for me. She has never had to be spoken to by a member of the public for being a dick.

Stop justifying your son's behaviour and start parenting him.

Hudson10 · 21/07/2017 09:34

Mimic'ing drives me wild. Both my ds's do it, so do most boys their age apparently (say their mums) and I think it's very rude.

Both mine do too if they're being silly, and I pull them up on it as it so rude like they're laughing at you.
I would not be impressed if they started doing it to other people in the supermarket! It's cheeky and rude and I'm not surprised the OP's child got told not to do it. It hardly sounds like the reprimand of the century anyway, sounds like she only spoke to him telling him not to do it!

Nanny0gg · 21/07/2017 09:34

but surely respect is earned and not due?!

Nope. It's given till it's undeserved.

massi71 · 21/07/2017 09:43

OP. Don't be THAT parent that thinks their kid is a special snowflake.

You should be feeling mortified that someone had to tell him off!

I hate this attitude that no one has the right to tell anyone else's child off

GinaFordCortina · 21/07/2017 09:59

Yabu.

SquitMcJit · 21/07/2017 10:03

Is it possible that the woman saw the exchange between you and your son ( you calling out to him to stop messing and him laughing before doing as you said) and then, rightly or wrongly, chose to speak to him about " not being nice" to his Mum?

E.g. She spotted you driving, with two other kids in car, looking like you had your hands full, having to call out to him and misinterpreted his laughing about it as being cheeky to you?

You may think her speaking to him was unnecessary ( as you believe you were already dealing with it). And you may know that he isn't usually cheeky or rude in your eyes. But perhaps she had just seen too many annoying kids recently and thought she was helping you? She was probably suprised to then be confronted about it.

Kickhiminthenuts · 21/07/2017 10:13

My son would be mortified like rabbit in the headlights at a stranger telling him off, not giving lip back.

All you did was reinforce it's ok to be rude back. its important kids learn we have their back, but not if they are wrong.

KiwifruitMoon · 21/07/2017 10:14

The Apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

4square · 21/07/2017 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WeAllHaveWings · 21/07/2017 10:15

There are times you need to be a tiger mum and have your sons back.
This WASNT one of these times YABU.
If he's not old enough to not be a monkey/cheeky in a car park returning trolleys don't let him do it. If he is old enough to be returning trolleys he is old enough to accept correction from another adult when he is monkeying around.

And regarding the respect has to be earned not due comment, you need to have a look at yourself and what that kind of throw away cliché comment actually means, you are teaching your children, the next generation. If I meet a stranger in the street, a new colleague at work, a shop worker, a teacher, a receptionist, I automatically show them respect and expect the same. They haven't earned my respect, I give if freely, makes the world a much better place.

4square · 21/07/2017 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RaspberryOverloadsOnIcepops · 21/07/2017 10:19

Given the entitled sort of parents around these days, it takes a rare sort of person to actually tell a child off.

So I'd guess this particular child may well have been doing more than he's admitted to. Enough to provoke the woman into saying something, however mildly.

OP has admitted she didn't hear everything, so is in no position to sate her son was telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

And by calling out the window of the car, I also suspect OP came across to the woman as potentially aggressive, which is probably why she dodn't repeat what was said. I'd guess she may well have felt she wouldn't be believed.

OP, you don't have any idea what went on. Yes, you have your son's version but, like any child, he's going to minimise the hell out of it.

And you've effectively given your son the green light to be "cheeky" to others.

Respect is given until events prove otherwise.

HoldBackTheRain · 21/07/2017 10:21

Can't believe a 9 year old trying to see if the trollies in a supermarket would fix together back to front is anti social behaviour! Only on mumsnet...

Perhaps he shouldn't have said back to her what she said to him, but to call him a little shit for it is a massive over reaction. Cheeky yes, not sure how saying that equates to the rozzers knocking on OP's door in 3 years time, as at least one poster has suggested.

Agree with OP in that if her DS had said something absolutely outrageous, that warranted a telling off, when asked the woman would have said what it was . If a kid that young had told me to fuck off/called me an old bitch/said something else equally as rude I would absolutely tell his mum. the fact the woman wouldn't tell OP what was said tells me DS was being cheeky, not the mordern day Damien.

Sometimes people stick their noses in other people's parenting for no good reason, and that on some occasions sticking up for your child doesn't mean you can't see your child is a spoilt brat, it means that the other person is in the wrong. In OP's case when the woman wouldn't tell her what was said, I would have replied that in that case I'd already told him not to mess about by the trollies and would have driven off. Then I would have told DS not to be cheeky in future in a similar situation and that would be that.

HoldBackTheRain · 21/07/2017 10:23

And why are so many presuming OP's DS said something worse than he's telling her? The woman wouldn't say what he'd said, so it doesn't sound like it was that bad.

Entitled?! I think some on this thread have been affected by the heat!

BaldricksTrousers · 21/07/2017 10:24

Hahaha this thread.

OP: AIBU
Everyone: Yes.
One single person: Nah
OP: THANK YOU PERSON I KNEW IT

Also, don't forget the random user3489r300378 who also steadfastly agrees with OP. Classic.