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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman had no right to tell my son off

663 replies

WobbleYourHead · 20/07/2017 22:23

So we were in the car park of a supermarket often the subject of a MN thread when DS (9) had taken the trolley back to redeem the £1.
Being a bit of a monkey he was trying to put the trolley back "handle to handle" as opposed to slotting it in. I called across to him to put it in right which he did. In the meantime I jumped in the car and drove the short distance for him to get in the car.
As I approached a woman was telling him off saying something along the lines of he shouldn't have spoken to her like that....
I asked what he'd said and she said "He was being cheeky" so I questioned again what exactly he'd said & she just repeated that he was cheeky. So I told her she had no right to tell him off, she said she wasn't and the exchange went on for several minutes with her still refusing to tell me what he'd actually said!!
I asked DS again and basically she'd told him it wasn't nice for him to put the trolley back wrong so in return he'd basically repeated back "well that isn't nice" (her telling him) at which point she had a go at him!
AIBU to think that if she had an issue that the least she could have done was spoken to me but in the grand scheme of things there was absolutely no need for her to say anything to him at all?!

OP posts:
WeyHay · 21/07/2017 08:40

Why did you post this OP when all you're seeking is agreement?

I agree with MaryZ's summary.

thecatfromjapan · 21/07/2017 08:41

As a complete aside: Is it my imagination or are we getting more of these: "I had a right old barney in the supermarket: AIBU?" threads? I'm wondering if it's to do with people (consciously or not,) feeling the effects of rising food prices and getting a bit stressed (consciously or not).

WizardOfToss · 21/07/2017 08:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gottagetmoving · 21/07/2017 08:43

No, we should never say anything to anyone else's kid even if they are being rude, cheeky, or obnoxious. It's far to risky and could traumatised the poor thing......

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 21/07/2017 08:43

I'm trying to imagine how my mother would have reacted if I'd spoken back like that to a stranger as a child. I'm pretty sure she'd have been offering my car washing services or similar from then until eternity!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/07/2017 08:45

*respect is NOT earned for people we converse with randomly in life...how much earning do you think needs to be done in a 5 second window? Respecting someone is the default position until they give you a reason to not respect them. An elderly lady does not need to earn the respect of a 9yo^

This ^^

And I imagine the lady avoided telling OP exactly what the lad had said because she worked out - correctly, it seems - that she wasn't likely to be receptive

strawberrypenguin · 21/07/2017 08:45

How could she speak to you? You weren't there. She did nothing wrong. She saw a child messing about with trolleys and spoke to him about it. He was then rude to her. If you don't want other people talking to him the supervise better if he can't be trusted on his own

Ktown · 21/07/2017 08:45

Settings a great example for a 9 year old.
Good luck when he is a teenager and you are desperately trying to earn his respect.
Try explaining this to his teachers when he is disrupting a class because his teacher hasn't worked hard enough to gain his respect.

dollypoodle · 21/07/2017 08:46

Respecting someone is the default position until they give you a reason to not respect them.

this x1000

PoisonousSmurf · 21/07/2017 08:46

Your son must have said something so rude that the woman couldn't even bring herself to repeat it! Then of course you start laying into her.
For a stranger to tell off another person's child, that child or 'angel', must have done something really rude or annoying.
Good luck when he starts secondary school and you get called into school because of his 'back chat'.
Children should always respect their elders!

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 21/07/2017 08:46

Why should I not believe him yet I should believe a stranger

Because he's a child who's looking to avoid getting into trouble. An adult stranger has little motivation to lie to you

Louiselouie0890 · 21/07/2017 08:48

He was rude, she told him, you wasn't there, end of story.

Pengggwn · 21/07/2017 08:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

woodhill · 21/07/2017 08:51

Mimicking is rude, I don't care if this dc is perceived too be highly intelligent, sounds like a puffed up little prince to me.

AnUtterIdiot · 21/07/2017 08:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

13Bastards · 21/07/2017 08:55

I love a backpeddle.

I would have told your precious baby off too, I also would have helpfully pointed out that the reason your little darling is behaving this way is because you are setting a dreadful example of manners yourself.

RiverTam · 21/07/2017 08:56

He backchatted her. He got told off. The end.

What a ludicrous drama over nothing.

LittleIda · 21/07/2017 08:57

Your son was cheeky and you've done him no favours reacting as you did. It'll be his teachers he's cheeking next and he'll be expecting you to tell them off. Not great.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 21/07/2017 08:58

pengggwn sorry did I read that right, the parents of the kids you teach say you have to earn their respect??!

Jesus, I could weep for the next generation, they're well and truly fucked if parents take that attitude.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 21/07/2017 08:59

I would have apologised to the lady, asked my son to apologise to her as well, and I would have then spoken to him at home about not being rude to people.

Teaching your son that he can be rude to people unless they somehow earn his respect is a really bad example to set.

ShotsFired · 21/07/2017 09:02

This thread is hysterical.

From what I can piece together of the ever changing story...

  • Mum has 3 kids, takes all + trolley to car.
  • Sends 9yo back to trolley bay, apparently knowing he is only 9 and really isn't old enough to be relied on to do so without playing up like the cheeky monkey she knows he is.
  • Trolley bay is both simultaneously close enough that OP can see and hear every single word uttered at talking volume; while being so far away she has to drive to it to pick up the son.
  • In the microseconds it takes to drive to the nearby/far away trolley bay, son has managed to lock trollies together, be told off and undo his mischief.
  • In the same microseconds, OP has got in her car, wound down all the windows, moved out of her space, ensured the other 2 kids were silent as mutes, let a woman cross the road at walking pace, walk over to nearby/far away trolley bay, and have already completed some kind of outrageous altercation with the son
  • the "cheeky" son maintains he didn't do anything apart from not put the trollies back wrongly, and OP thinks the woman just decided to have a pop at a young boy, completely out of thin air, having seen him do nothing wrong whatsoever. Woman then decides to make up an amazingly co-incidental lie on the spot about the son being "cheeky" when the mum eventually arrives at the nearby/far away trolley bay.

Riiiight.

There's no shame in admitting you were being PFB about it OP.

Pengggwn · 21/07/2017 09:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OliviaStabler · 21/07/2017 09:02

OP: AIBU?
99.9% of AIBU: Yes!
OP: No I am not!!!!

EdmundCleverClogs · 21/07/2017 09:03

I find AIBU odd at times. So often the OPs seem to be missing a big chunk of useful information, whilst smokescreening with useless points. If we took every post in here at face value, I'd be thinking there are a lot of crazy people out there.

The reality is, most strangers don't tell off nine year olds unless they feel they were being noticeably out of line or rude. They don't then continue to converse with them (crossly) without there being a reason. They certainly then don't expect to have to explain to the parent in exact detail as to why their child was misbehaving, usually 'your child was being rude and answering back' is enough to expect them to apologise. Adult strangers don't go out of their way to randomly declare children especially rude as they are going about their day, your son must have been noticeably so. Of course, you may have just met that one person who genuinely does nothing all day but berate children, it's a small possibility but unlikely.

Your ideas on respect for others is completely off the mark, but even putting that aside, your children should at least be polite and well mannered in public. He categorically wasn't being a 'little monkey', he's not a toddler who's still learning right from wrong in social interactions. Neither is he a little shit (yet), but it certainly sounds like he did something wrong/rude, and you are deflecting by playing the see no evil/hear no evil card.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 21/07/2017 09:08

I'm wanting a baby monkey, now. Grin
Jokes aside though. I know some would say. Its only a trolley. He's only 9, and None of children are angels. However you need to rein this disobedience in now. Before its too late, and 3 years down the line the police are knocking at your door.
I promise he won't wilt away if you teach him respect