To think this woman had no right to tell my son off

[WobbleYourHead]

So we were in the car park of a supermarket often the subject of a MN thread when DS (9) had taken the trolley back to redeem the £1.
Being a bit of a monkey he was trying to put the trolley back "handle to handle" as opposed to slotting it in. I called across to him to put it in right which he did. In the meantime I jumped in the car and drove the short distance for him to get in the car.
As I approached a woman was telling him off saying something along the lines of he shouldn't have spoken to her like that....
I asked what he'd said and she said "He was being cheeky" so I questioned again what exactly he'd said & she just repeated that he was cheeky. So I told her she had no right to tell him off, she said she wasn't and the exchange went on for several minutes with her still refusing to tell me what he'd actually said!!
I asked DS again and basically she'd told him it wasn't nice for him to put the trolley back wrong so in return he'd basically repeated back "well that isn't nice" (her telling him) at which point she had a go at him!
AIBU to think that if she had an issue that the least she could have done was spoken to me but in the grand scheme of things there was absolutely no need for her to say anything to him at all?!

In an 'AIBU' such as this one, I always, always wish to high heaven that the other woman involved comes onto the thread to offer her side of events.

Sorry OP, but "9 year old" and ".. being a little monkey" should never be used in tje same sentence. I couldn't get past that after reading it, and cringed thinking, ahhh it's like that.

Hopefully you'll have a pencil to hand today and can knock up a diagram for us, yes?

The only people who know the truth is your son and the woman. You never will so fprvet it

I would have said something along the lines of "I'm so sorry, I'll have a word with him" and then got to the bottom of it later. You suggest that your son is 'a monkey' so it's possible he could have cheeked her? It's natural to be a mother tiger and defend your own BUT I agree with the vast majority of posters that the message you have possibly given your son is that you condone his behaviour, do not let him accept challenge on it from others and may end up with an entitled brat.
Sorry, I speak as one who saw a woman let her two son recklessly ride scooters around the supermarket today, as they and she ignoried the security guard's requests to stop. She knew best, she was the parent. The entire supermarket had its mouth open at her attitude.

Sounds like he needs to know not to be cheeky and the woman had cause to say something to him.

My mum would have actively encouraged other people to pull me up on shitty behaviour and then punish me again for it later just to make sure. He's 9 and plenty old enough to know better and you should be reinforcing that at home.

Sounds like he was cheeky to her, he should not have been messing with the trollies.

She told your son off, big deal. Don't be so entitled.

This AIBU is unanimous - yes, you are definitely being unreasonable. Accept it and move on. Don't post here if you don't want opinions.

Sorry OP YABU

It seems to me the OP actually has bugger all idea what the woman told her ds off about, because she was too busy being entirely out of sight and earshot of her ds, driving her car at the time. She assumes it was about his behaviour earlier with the trolley, despite the fact she claims the woman who told him off was nowhere near him when he behaved like that and he had already entirely rectified the situation (albeit she admits he was laughing about what he had done and thus clearly demonstrating that he did not understand his behaviour had been antisocial, and was apparently an unsupervised child hanging about a trolley park... and who may, while mother was out of sight and hearing, have been busy doing something else stupid, like ram the trolleys together because he thought it was funny, and being rude to any adult who approached him...).

I would be seriously worried if my 9yo was rude enough to back chat a stranger by imitating them. That's unbelievably rude! How badly behaved is he normally at school, etc?

And then when he's extremely rude to someone his mother sticks up for him. Great parenting! You've given him the green light to carry on being a total dickhead to random members of the public.

Remember that when you're having real problems with him in a few years.

If she didn't shout at him, threaten or abuse him in anyway then yabu.
Your son was behaving badly in a car park of all places, she pulled him up on it and he was cheeky to her.

If he wasn't being rude, OP, what is your alternative scenario? Crazy woman tells 9 year-old boy off for no good reason?

You do realise what ever the lady or your DS said, by not just saying to your son don't talk back, you have made him think it is OK to be rude and not get told off.
Next time just don't question the boy, and say I hope you weren't being rude instead. As no child will admit they did it, if there is a chance they can get away with it.

Your son obviously said or did something rude to this woman, and she did you a favour by telling him off.

Please get over it.

People are really over reacting on this thread. He was putting the trolley back the wrong way not ramming people down with it! Then he mimicked someone, it's not like he told her to 'fuck off' or anything.

I really think adults calling someone's child 'a little shit' is unreasonable.

The woman who spoke to your son may not have known you had spoken to him so I don't really think she was unreasonable to do so. But I think she was very unreasonable not to tell you what had happened. In your shoes op I wouldn't have continued to ask, I would've got my sons side and told him not to be rude in future. But then I wouldn't give it a second thought.

9 year olds do daft things. He was told not to by both of you. Then he was rude. If the other woman was shouting at him, he was probably scared and that's why he was rude to her. Kids find situations with strangers difficult to handle. As long as you've told him not to speak that way to adults in future, then I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Any one who uses the expression "being a monkey" essential means their ds acts like a little shit and either they don't want to acknowledge this or think it is "endearing"

You keep saying he did nothing wrong. You DON'T know that.

Having 'seen' your attitude on this thread and your opinion that your child doesn't need to respect anyone, I can totally understand why she would not engage with you. You can tell 'those' parents very easily so the fact that she wouldn't tell you what he said has no bearing on whether he actually said anything. I'd realise it wasn't worth it as well and walk away.

Kids find situations with strangers difficult to handle.

Mine don't. They can be rude as hell to me, but they have a default polite mode when dealing with adults other than their parents. I would have thought this was pretty normal.

The one thing people keep Miss is that the post is about should the lady have told him off. When she did so, he was doing nothing wrong. She didn't tell him off for being rude, she told him off for something that had been dealt with (and in my opinion really not a big deal). Yes he was rude after she had started on him but that is almost a separate issue. Complete strangers should not discipline a child who has already been done so. The OP is not saying she wouldn't 100% back up teachers, just not interfering busy bodies who don't even explain the issue to the parent when asked. If the woman thought his behaviour (doing as his mum had told) needed addressing then she should have explained to the mum what had happened when asked so she could do so.
I would happily expect my children to be told off by anyone if needed and if I wasn't there to do so but I absolutely would be pissed off by someone doing it after I had dealt with it and my child responded well. The rudeness came afterwards and is separate.

My kids do find situations with strangers difficult. So what they do is they tend to say nothing and walk away which in itself is rude be something we are working on. What they don't do is stand there mimicking them that is not the actions of someone who finds a situation difficult that is the actions of a cocky little so and so (apparently also known as a monkey)

If something doesn't make sense it usually isn't true.

So this lady who you let cross the road, decided too tell your son off even though he wasn't doing anything? He was just innocently minding his own business and this mean lady pounced and told him off?

If you believe it's because she seen him prior playing with the trolleys this makes no sense either. Why would somebody go and chastise a child after the incident has occurred and it didn't in anyway affect her?