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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman had no right to tell my son off

663 replies

WobbleYourHead · 20/07/2017 22:23

So we were in the car park of a supermarket often the subject of a MN thread when DS (9) had taken the trolley back to redeem the £1.
Being a bit of a monkey he was trying to put the trolley back "handle to handle" as opposed to slotting it in. I called across to him to put it in right which he did. In the meantime I jumped in the car and drove the short distance for him to get in the car.
As I approached a woman was telling him off saying something along the lines of he shouldn't have spoken to her like that....
I asked what he'd said and she said "He was being cheeky" so I questioned again what exactly he'd said & she just repeated that he was cheeky. So I told her she had no right to tell him off, she said she wasn't and the exchange went on for several minutes with her still refusing to tell me what he'd actually said!!
I asked DS again and basically she'd told him it wasn't nice for him to put the trolley back wrong so in return he'd basically repeated back "well that isn't nice" (her telling him) at which point she had a go at him!
AIBU to think that if she had an issue that the least she could have done was spoken to me but in the grand scheme of things there was absolutely no need for her to say anything to him at all?!

OP posts:
redrobinblue · 21/07/2017 07:22

being a little monkey - being a little shit more like. If my kids were being rude to someone I'd like them to be called out on it. Seems your golden boy just got a stern word.

redrobinblue · 21/07/2017 07:24

Haha just RTFT. A monkey and highly academic. Come on OP!

roundaboutthetown · 21/07/2017 07:25

Frazzledmum - the point of this thread is that the OP doesn't know what happened, because she was driving in her car at the time, not supervising her child.

roundaboutthetown · 21/07/2017 07:30

And telling a child that something they did that was not very nice, was not very nice, is hardly the reprimand of the century,deserving of rude mimicry. Personally, I find it colossally offensive when people mimic what I say, as though they think me an idiot with a speech impediment. Being told to fuck off just means you have riled and upset someone with no manners, so is no worse.

Original poster
WobbleYourHead · 21/07/2017 07:31

I haven't changed my story just repeated the same thing over and over but clearly it's OK for random strangers to pull kids up on their already managed behaviour. Righto.
Also, I'll remember that at 9 trying to see if 2 trollies fit together back to back isn't funny it's obnoxious, antisocial, rude, little shit behaviour Hmm
Thanks for the responses.

OP posts:
AwaywiththePixies27 · 21/07/2017 07:32

AIBU to think that if she had an issue that the least she could have done was spoken to me but in the grand scheme of things there was absolutely no need for her to say anything to him at all?!

You left a 9yo unsupervised, maybe if you were there she wouldn't have told off? Hmm He was rude and cheeky simply by answering back.

I have an 8yo son (ASD). I know EXACTLY how cheeky they can get sometimes. It sounds like its the attitude that pissed trolley woman off. It would me too. Especially when I'd look around to talk to the parent and she's nowhere to be seen.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 21/07/2017 07:33

I haven't changed my story just repeated the same thing over and over but clearly it's OK for random strangers to pull kids up on their already managed behaviour. Righto.

No. SUPERVISE your child next time and it won't happen.

Pengggwn · 21/07/2017 07:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TenForward82 · 21/07/2017 07:34

You know, OP, this poor woman probably thought she was "backing you up" to reinforce the importance of good behaviour - "it takes a village", etc. Then she got a load of lip for her trouble, from both of you. Hence why she decided not to tell you what he said - she was probably regretting trying to help.

knobblykneesandturnedouttoes · 21/07/2017 07:35

I do think it's ok for the woman to challenge him if he was rude, I don't think she needed to shout, and I don't think it's. Ice to call him a little shit.

Yes I think if a stranger is shouting at my child they wouldn't know how to handle it, whether they'd done something wrong or not. When I was a child if anyone had shouted as me I would've been frozen to the spot unable to speak. I would've also been called rude for this.

TipTopTipTopClop · 21/07/2017 07:37

OP, your son said something rude to this woman while you were making your way to him. She told him off. I am struggling to understand why you are upset - don't you think this was a useful lesson for him?

Judging by this thread, you've already made far too much of this already, which is why your son is almost certainly lying to you about what actually happened. Let it go.

Windbeneathmybingowings · 21/07/2017 07:38

I don't think the intricacies of the story matter now. Your attitude shows that "respect is earned not due" is applicable only to your son/you and not other people. That's the take away message here.

Bluebubble123 · 21/07/2017 07:38

Someone random women decides to tell your child off for doing nothing wrong!!!! Really op.

Please don't tell this tale to people in real life they will think you are a loon.

Except that your child was rude and tell him this is not exceptable, and move on.

bbcessex · 21/07/2017 07:40

OP.. it's should be a little worrying for you that your boy bounced a sarky response back to this lady so easily.

My son was a 'little monkey' at that age too and would certainly have put the trolley back in backwards (and probably upside down too) but would have been sheepish and silent if he'd been reprimanded by a stranger whilst on his own *

I think you may have a problem on your hands if you don't stop seeing rainbows where there is actually rain...

  • if with a group of mates he may have been more cocky.
TipTopTipTopClop · 21/07/2017 07:41

Do you usually assume people are lying when they say your child has been rude?

thereallochnessmonster · 21/07/2017 07:42

but surely respect is earned and not due?!

I can see where he gets his entitled attitude, OP!

Nop. Kids should be respectful towards adults - and others - regardless of whether they've 'earned' that respect. What a bizarre concept.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 21/07/2017 07:45

I agree with TenForward

The woman saw him being stupid with the trollies (which isn't "experimenting" as you say OP, it's fucking annoying)
She heard you shouting at him.
She is putting her trolly back (why was your son still there? Why hadn't been he walked back to the car? Was he still partying about with the trollies?! Confused
She tells him not to be daft with the trollies.

Your son is then very rude to her and instead of his mum telling him not be be, he witnesses you telling the woman off!

What a lesson to teach your child!

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 21/07/2017 07:47

And I also agree that respect is NOT earned.
When we meet new people, we should treat every single one with respect. From Shop assistant to a police officer to random lady in a car park.

YellowLawn · 21/07/2017 07:47

yabu
I will leave out the expletives

TipTopTipTopClop · 21/07/2017 07:49

OP.. it's should be a little worrying for you that your boy bounced a sarky response back to this lady so easily.

This was my first thought. There is no doubt that all children can be poorly behaved, but at the first sign of a stranger's rebuke they tend to lose all their chutzpa. Your son sounds a bit feral, to be honest, like the ones down at the corner shop giving the poor guy behind the counter grief.

eyebrowsonfleek · 21/07/2017 07:50

To a kid, putting the trolleys back to back is funny but to the adult who has to tidy the area or a customer who has to remove the trolleys it's not.

The woman probably didn't get into a conversation with you because she didn't want to escalate the situation. She's aware that some parents can't see that their child deserves a telling off. Your child was rude and it sounds like a telling off was justified even though he didn't actually inconvenience her per se. He was more than "a little monkey" - that's behaviour that would get lots of laughs on an Internet video. What he said was rude and I don't understand parents who get defensive when their child is told off by a stranger. Sometimes we're not there to do it and an appropriate telling off for a stranger is appropriate.

Original poster
WobbleYourHead · 21/07/2017 07:52

He didn't "witness me telling her off" He witnessed me asking her what he'd said and had she bothered to do me the courtesy of answering she could have witnessed me tell him off too.
As it stands she didn't.
My son generally has respect for people but it shouldn't have to be automatic.
Why should I not believe him yet I should believe a stranger who when asked perfectly politely as again I've mentioned several times refused to tell me.
I want my kids to grow up knowing that I have their back, knowing that I trust them and that they can trust me so that if God forbid anything happened to them they would come to me.

OP posts:
FanjoForTheMammaries · 21/07/2017 07:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Windbeneathmybingowings · 21/07/2017 07:54

Neither of them could tell you in the original story...

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 21/07/2017 07:54

Yes, but your children also have to know that you are fair and when they mess up you they can count on you for constructive criticism.