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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell you to *read* the fucking invite..

420 replies

Bitchfromhell · 20/07/2017 17:59

Major embarrassment narrowly avoided and I'm cringing at what might have happened Blush

Fancy wedding on Saturday, was so excited to get an invitation months ago. Have bought 2 outfits in the sales so can return the one I don't choose on the day. Booked the hairdressers for the morning, even lost a few pounds. We don't get many wedding invites these days and I love a good wedding so admittedly completely over invested Blush

Checked the invite for timings this morning and realised we haven't actually been invited to the whole thing. Just the ceremony at 1pm and then the evening do at 7pm.

I've spent all afternoon imagining us wondering about the fancy venue looking for our seats for the breakfast, being whispered to quietly by the formidable mother of the bride that we shouldn't actually be there. God it would have been awful. These aren't the sort of folk that would laugh it off. We'd have looked like proper dickheads.

Anyway, lesson learned, always read the invitation.

OP posts:
notangelinajolie · 20/07/2017 20:56

I'm pretty sure it's the whole thing too.

Original poster
Bitchfromhell · 20/07/2017 21:01

When dh's sister got married they had a cocktail hour after the ceremony just for family and I wasn't invited. Just him.

It was all at a country house hotel so I made friends with a waiter and made a start on the canapés and horrible champagne. Alone. In reception.

It was to do with photographs apparently and as we'd not been together very long she'd decided not to include me. Fair enough, but I was certainly the life and soul of the reception when everyone else turned up later on Grin

It's never been mentioned since and I'd only met her a handful of times before so I can't blame her. It was weird though, I quite enjoyed myself! Don't think they'd have done it if they'd have known me Grin

OP posts:
IHateUncleJamie · 20/07/2017 21:03

Yes, "and afterwards at Posh Hotel" means you're invited to the whole kit & caboodle. ☺️ Best rethink the decision to keep the crystal glasses! 😂

Smitff · 20/07/2017 21:04

Yes I think you're invited to the whole thing. Let us know what groom's mum says!

Ikabod · 20/07/2017 21:06

I had to tell a very dear friend that she wasn't actually invited to the meal part of my DS's wedding about 5 mins before we sat down to eat. Ceremony -yes, evening bash - yes... but not the meal in the middle. I felt awful - she and her husband had driven hundreds of miles to be there and it was a buffet - two more chairs would've sorted it! She was clearly upset but really good about it. Thankfully we're still friends Smile

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 20/07/2017 21:07

So why didn't you just get two more chairs? Confused

Judydreamsofhorses · 20/07/2017 21:08

I have never heard of this, but here it's quite common for people to be invited to the evening do only officially, and a sort of informal invitation to come along and watch the vows if they'd like. I've had that with a few work friends, and twice went along to the church but hung about outside (nice day, close church) to see the married couple come out. I'm in Scotland.

EssieTregowan · 20/07/2017 21:11

MaryPoppins, I thought that but then realised it was her son's wedding.

Can you imagine the outrage? 'MIL from hell added uninvited guests to our wedding breakfast!!!!!!!'

RubyFlint · 20/07/2017 21:16

Very odd, it's likely you won't be the only one confused by the time slots style invitation.

I've been to plenty of weddings, but either to the whole day or just the evening do - not shifts throughout the day!

Ikabod · 20/07/2017 21:17

MaryPoppins - mainly because it wasn't my wedding. I think if anyone told me to do that nowadays I'd tell them where to go Grin

Rachel0Greep · 20/07/2017 21:25

OP, (ironically) I misread your OP slightly, and thought you had mentioned wearing fancy dress Grin!
I had a great image for a minute of you arriving dressed as a Disney character, then I read your post properly.

LinManWellWellWell · 20/07/2017 21:30

isittheholidays phew! That is exactly my experience as most of the weddings I've been to including my own were church weddings. I didn't realise that wasn't the norm. For me it was a way of INCLUDING as many local friends as possible in our day..rather than an A list B list thing.

TheCuriousOwl · 20/07/2017 21:31

It comes from the days when people generally attended church and got married in their own churches. Anyone is invited to the service (although if you are at a small church it makes sense to actually invite the people you want to be there for the vows and not just do a big 'anyone come along' type thing). Then you get invited to either the breakfast or just the evening.

I go to church. I have been to numerous weddings where this is the protocol. It's not new. It is also not 'entitled' to INVITE (not demand!) people to come and watch the actual marriage ceremony taking place as you know, that's the important bit of a wedding Hmm and the meaningful bit.

I do think though that nowadays when people don't go to church so much and don't necessarily realise why it is like that, and with people coming from far away, wording it so people realise that they aren't expected to come far and then fend for themselves for 4 hours between service and reception may make it clearer. But it isn't 'entitled'!

LinManWellWellWell · 20/07/2017 21:34

Yes, owl, exactly!

YTho · 20/07/2017 21:39

OP that actually happened to me, but I didn't realise that I wasn't invited to the whole thing just the ceremony and evening do. So I spent ages trying to find my seat at the wedding breakfast. thankfully there were two or three other people in the same situation as me so I didn't feel too embarrassed. But it just seems like such an unnecessary hassle, if you're going to invite someone, then invite them for the whole thing!!

pissedglitter · 20/07/2017 21:46

The invitation sounds confusing

Hope you are invited all day

RaspberryOverloadsOnIcepops · 20/07/2017 21:46

I think that anyone can go to a wedding ceremony, that's the legal bit, where those watching are asked if anyone knows of a reason why the couple shouldn't marry. Certainly, they don't stop people attending in churches.

But I think having a reception with some guests, and inviting others only to an evening do is a bit poor. I'd rather go for cheap and cheerful to invite everyone I want to come.

Original poster
Bitchfromhell · 20/07/2017 21:47

Ok mob has confirmed we are most certainly low lives and are relegated to the ceremony and evening do only. Sad

He was very clever about it and asked if there were any flower arrangements or similar that they needed moving from the church to the hotel as we had some time to kill in the afternoon and we'd asked our ushers to do similar at our wedding and he would like to help if he could.
She replied that no thank you, they are very organised but she's looking forward to a dance with him later on. (There is a hog roast and the aforementioned real ale bar) Apparently the bride is also very excited and as we're local (neighbours) they are glad the community are getting involved and are grateful for the offer. Dh wants to ask to go on the reserve list for the daytime but I won't let him. I think he's flirted with her enough for tonight Smile

OP posts:
ShatnersBassoon · 20/07/2017 21:52

That still isn't that clear cut though. She hasn't said you're not supposed to be at the breakfast, just that you don't need to help transport flowers there... Grin

PunjanaTea · 20/07/2017 21:56

I still have no idea if you are invited to the meal or not. He wasn't clever at all, he was an idiot for not asking a straightforward question.

magoria · 20/07/2017 21:59

Another one here who went to one of these many years ago.

Went to the church then had to entertain myself for 5 or so hours.

Got to the evening do, another one that had run over. Was left in a dingy side room at a posh venue until it was all over and we were worthy of attending. Then had to pay through the nose for reception price bar drinks!

If it was just me I would have got a taxi and gone home.

susurration · 20/07/2017 21:59

well thats as clear as mud. On our invitations we wrote '1pm at X church and after at X hotel.' Didn't mention evening do because we didn't invite anyone extra.

gingergenius · 20/07/2017 22:01

If you REALLY wanted to be sure, you could message the bride and say you haven't seen the food choices and/or did they need to know food preferences in advance? That way you'd be able to ask the question of whether you're actually invited to the breakfast or not, without looking awkward. Then if she says "oh no, you're just invited to the evening celebrations" you could say that the invitation wasn't clear etc etc?

OfficerVanHalen · 20/07/2017 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Bitchfromhell · 20/07/2017 22:04

But he said "we have no plans after the ceremony for the afternoon so..."
And she said
"Aw shucks, that's kind but no, we'll see you for a boogie later and there's a hog roast and bar all night"

I think it's fine, dh is certain anyway so i can blame him Grin

You all know I'll be hanging around after the service like a plonker not knowing what to do with myself anyway, I think I'm going to have to front out the bride and say "see you at 7 yeah?".

OP posts: