To tell you to *read* the fucking invite..

[Bitchfromhell]

Major embarrassment narrowly avoided and I'm cringing at what might have happened

Fancy wedding on Saturday, was so excited to get an invitation months ago. Have bought 2 outfits in the sales so can return the one I don't choose on the day. Booked the hairdressers for the morning, even lost a few pounds. We don't get many wedding invites these days and I love a good wedding so admittedly completely over invested

Checked the invite for timings this morning and realised we haven't actually been invited to the whole thing. Just the ceremony at 1pm and then the evening do at 7pm.

I've spent all afternoon imagining us wondering about the fancy venue looking for our seats for the breakfast, being whispered to quietly by the formidable mother of the bride that we shouldn't actually be there. God it would have been awful. These aren't the sort of folk that would laugh it off. We'd have looked like proper dickheads.

Anyway, lesson learned, always read the invitation.

I thought I was invited to a wedding like this. Invitation said service at 1pm, followed by an evening reception. I asked the bride if there was no meal but there was, it was just worded a bit oddly. It was a normal wedding, service, back to hotel for drinks and photos, meal then dancing.

Weddings make my (diagnosed) anxiety go through the roof, every time I imagine looking at the seating plan and finding I'm not on it... I am a wreck til I get to that plan and see my name!!

Have to say I would rather invite only 50 to everything, rather than 35 to the ceremony, the same 35 and an additional 20 to the wedding breakfast, and a further 50 to the night do (plus the 55!) It amazes me when people have 200-250 at their wedding. I don't think I even know HALF that many people!

@Scribblegirl

Fair enough. Over reaction from me sorry.

Absolutely, Bitchfromhell, keep the crystal glasses - and have while you're having, what would probably be anyway, a far nicer lunch than 'wedding venue crap food'!!!!

There's a huge difference between an evening invitation with a "the ceremony is at X and you are welcome to pop along" and an actual invitation to the ceremony and the evening with an invitation to fuck off for several hours in the middle. Especially when invitations are expected to be accepted by a lot of people now.

I've been to a wedding like this. It was a colleague from work so our team went to the wedding then boomed a table at a local restaurant and then went to the evening do together. It made a really nice day.

That's bloody rude. I'd be sarcastically asking "What are we eating after the ceremony then?" or similar!

It's not really usual to invite people to the wedding ceremony and then only to the evening do. Not surprised you misunderstood. They sound real cheapstakes without a clue about how to do things properly.

Basically they want bums on seats in the church to fill it up and make it look fab.

Fuck that. I wouldn't go to the church and might just force my self to the evening do.

Err, can I just interject? It's an invitation not an invite. The former is a noun, the latter a verb. Ah I feel better now. As you were.

Yeah, I've been invited to two like this. One was a relatively new mum-friend, so I thought it was nice to be invited at all, and didn't mind, but the other was my cousin .

I think, by law, anyone can go to the ceremony. Isn't there something about leaving the doors open in a church....?
My point is - you have been invited to the evening. The ceremony you could go to anyway.
Glad you averted a social disaster. I can understand how you feel.

I think that's rude of them not to invite you to the breakfast. Maybe you should order a dominos during the ceremony and eat it in view of the wedding breakfast window.

I had an invite like that twenty something years ago so it's not that new a thing. Big town hall registry office so everyone was welcome to the actual ceremony. Small wedding breakfast for immediate family then barn dance for all and sundry. I think the key to acceptability is the location. Bride and groom's home town church where most of the guests can go home and change for the evening = fine. Town centre where you can bugger off to pub or wherever in the interim = fine-ish. Country House hotel in the middle of sodding nowhere a twenty quid cab ride from the nearest pub = not fine at all.

But whichever way you do it, you should make it clear on the invitation.

Eg. "Evening party 7pm - midnight. We would also love to see you at the wedding ceremony at Xxx from 1pm to 3pm if you can make it"
Or.
"Wedding ceremony at St X's church Noon until 2pm. You are also invited to the evening celebration at the Y&Z pub from 6pm to 11pm"

I always thought that too MsHarry, but apparently it has been around for a few hundred years as a noun.

Invite is a perfectly acceptable noun, when used informally. A bit like phone and telly I suppose.

It's perfectly normal to issue two invitation, one to the whole event (wedding, reception, evening) and the other to the evening do. You would include the church in case people were interested in attending that.

We had over 700 people at our wedding - I certainly wasn't knocking up a full 4 course menu for a load of old dears my DPS and ILs insisted were invited that they knew back in the ark that were on their Christmas card list. Ditto my DHs golf club associates , football team mates, work colleagues and so forth.

I chuckle at people who think 80 is 'a big wedding' ! That's just your cousins

Really? Not quite like Well, I won't be using it, sounds awful.

They may not be having a wedding breakfast. Friends of mine didn't - they had the ceremony at the town hall then an evening do some hours later. In between they had photos done and a meal with immediate family. The evening do was a great party with buffet and loads of booze and cake. Was great.

I've had evening invites which are clearly evening invites, but which say "if you'd like to see us take our vows you are welcome to come along at XX church (local) at XX time."
I think that's fine - I like to see the couple take their vows, that's what it's all about, but appreciate it's expensive having everye there for the whole day.

It does seem a bit rude, particularly if the venue is in the middle of nowhere.

Bit rude...

I have heard numerous examples of being invited to ceremony and evening. We did it in fact.

We're Christian so weddings in our family have some invites to ceremony and evening, as the ceremony is the most important part (infront of God etc) and most of the church will turn up to that (invited or not) and then you invite some of your church family to the evening reception (cos you can't afford to invite everyone to all!).

Oh and in between, me and friends went to a lovely pub for drinks and a late lunch to line our stomachs and build energy for the dancing.

Blondie