New mum clubbing

[MrsG841]

A friend of mine has just become a first time mum and her LO is 6 days old.

She messaged a few us to organise going clubbing at weekend.

AIBU to think that she shouldnt think about this at such an early stage?

Sorry lana

I have just seen you made virtually the same point

I think it would be helpful, for future reference, for a list of approved activities and when they should commence to be drawn up, e.g.

2 weeks: tea with vicar
4 weeks: paddling in sea
6 weeks: lunch with trusted relative
20 weeks: hard drugs

None of us here on an Internet forum can know the correct answer for this situation as none of us know the woman in question. You know your friend OP.

If you feel that this is either out of character for her, or you are worried about her baby then the best and most helpful thing to do is get off the Internet, stop slagging her off to strangers in a thinly veiled disguise of concern and actually go round to her house and talk to her.

Offer to take the baby for a hour or two while she naps or has a bath if she wants space and time to herself. Just make her a cup of tea and listen if she wants to talk, or get your dancing shoes out if she genuinely wants a night out.

One thing I can tell you for certain, if I were a new mum browning an Internet forum for advice and I came across a post clearly about me where 100 women were calling my mental health or parenting abilities into question I'd be devastated.

Hah thats ok Rufus....the more people who make the same point the better really.

I completely agree btw.

Arghhhhh. *Browsing, not Browning!

Personally I think she's being a bit ambitious! She might be feeling good and not as tired and sore as she thought she would and wants to make the most of it.
However I felt great in the days after all births and did go out around 10 days after one of them. Couldn't wait to get out and be Me again, got ready, kissed everyone goodbye, had a good old chat with my mates and a few drinks and then almost fell asleep in the pub at about 10
My brain was more ready than my body was and she might be the same. Try suggesting a couple of drinks in a nice pub if she's determined to go out rather than a full on night out.

Disatronaut.

Remain indoors, fulfil your biological function, breastfeed 24/7, cocoon yourself with baby to ensure bonding

Err, yes, mainly. At least for the first couple of weeks. Apart from the staying indoors bit.

There's a reason why that's what most mothers want to do. Spoiler: it's not societal pressure. It's basic biology.

None of us here on an Internet forum can know the correct answer for this situation as none of us know the woman in question. You know your friend OP

None of us know the correct answer as none of us ARE the woman in question. You know it's not your call, OP.

Fixed that for you.

I think it would be helpful, for future reference, for a list of approved activities and when they should commence to be drawn up, e.g.

2 weeks: tea with vicar
4 weeks: paddling in sea
6 weeks: lunch with trusted relative
20 weeks: hard drugs

Apart from the staying indoors bit.

I stayed indoors for ages

I was afraid of exhaust fumes from the cars...same level as the pram people!! Same level (ish)

If she feels up to clubbing and the baby is being cared for that night and the morning after who cares if she goes out and gets drunk for one night.
It's not like she's sitting indoors necking vodka while BF.
I couldn't have gone out at 6 days but that doesn't mean I loved or cared for my DD more than she does her baby.

Thank you @toosexyforyahshirt, however you have also changed the meaning of the post with your correction. The next paragraph qualifies what I was getting at. That the OP can better judge what is normal for her friend. At no point did I say that it was ok for her to decide what her friend should and shouldn't do.

LadyFlump, your post assumes OP is a nice friend who would be helpful to her friend, but from her judgmental posting about her online I would say the last thing the new mother needs is OP to come around to "help" her.

There's a reason why that's what most mothers want to do. Spoiler: it's not societal pressure. It's basic biology.

But what if 4 hours out clubbing makes her feel better, and makes her a better mother for the break??

It's incredibly sexist and outdated to think that all mothers should feel and behave the exact same way after kids.

Some women might see getting a break as the thing that keeps their head together.
What kind of knob could judge her for that??

There's a reason why that's what most mothers want to do. Spoiler: it's not societal pressure. It's basic biology

We are no longer slaves to our biology. We don't have to do what is expected.

Gosh some responses here....

Maybe she had a difficult pregnancy and is still in that stage of not really knowing what's hit her and trying to think life can carry on as normal.

I always said having kids wouldn't change me and it was a huge shock when it did, and that's a natural process to go through.

I went for cocktails when my DD was 2 weeks old because I had an awful pregnancy, in all the time. And guess what she slept most of the time in her bouncer with one feed because believe it or not men are just as capable of looking after their babies and it's bonding time for them alone, which is also lovely. DH cleaned the flat and hoovered. All very exciting. I, however, had some cocktails and a girlie chat which made me feel human and ready for the next step and coming home to my gorgeous DD.

Everyone needs a break. She probably hasn't fully appreciated having a baby and physical affects but so what?! Let her have some time how she wants to, to come to terms with it?!

It's 2017 ffs. Let her wet the baby's head.

Suggest to her that she checks with her midwife? Some people do make an almost miraculous recovery from an easy delivery. Others would be risking their health. Why she feels the need is an interesting point but perhaps she's been promising herself this big treat for months. Or it could be a sign that all is not well. We cannot tell.

I was doing well to get bathed and back to bed at that point.

Good question. Is she to ask permission from the midwife?

Fair enough @toosexyforyahshirt, I see your point.

we are no longer slaves to our biology. We don't have to do what is expected
Expected?
My god.
I thought l'dread it all on this thread!
There are medical reasons why it is gently suggested that women rest for a few weeks after childbirth.
Of course there are special circumstances where a woman needs to just carry on,
Clubbing isn't one of them,
No matter how 'right on' you'd like to be.

It's got nothing to do with being "right on"

I don't think "women can go out if they want to" is exactly a controversial point to make, is it? It's just an actual fact.

I wouldn't do it, you wouldn't do it, but if someone else wants to do it then they can.
What exactly do people argue about with that statement? And what do you propose instead?

And if she splits her stitches that's on her.

People refuse treatment and go against advice all the time. Because it's their right. Their body their right to choose and they don't owe anyone an explanation

@toosexyforyahshirt i am a good friend actually which is why i have asked if i am the one in the wrong....if i wasnt a good friend and didnt give a shit about her i wouldnt be asking in the first place

And the fact that there are other people who agree with me shows im not a complete bitch!