New mum clubbing

[MrsG841]

A friend of mine has just become a first time mum and her LO is 6 days old.

She messaged a few us to organise going clubbing at weekend.

AIBU to think that she shouldnt think about this at such an early stage?

I couldn't have done it and wouldn't have wanted to. Alcohol and breast feeding don't mix. And I didn't bottle feed. Should she do it? None of my business- but I wouldn't do it.

Feminism is not about supporting someone's shitty decision simply because that someone is a woman

No, it's about saying that women can make their own decisions, shitty or otherwise, just the same as men can. You don't have to support other womens decisions, you just have to acknowledge that they aren't yours to be involved with.

If it's not about her choice, then what is it? If this is 'proof' she is not coping, what would you have us do?

Stop her going? Tell her doctor? Tell the police? Have a 'quiet word'? And when she tells us to fuck off, have her committed because no 'rational' or decent mother would behave that way?

Oh and I will be forever grrateful to those nurses- who were not only amazing with DS, but actually recognised when the parents needed a break, and they were fucking brilliant about it.

Don't know what I would have done without them.

Good thing they weren't as judgemental as some of you lot, hey?

Otherwise I might have had a mental wobble.

But lets all judge mums for their choices, yeah?

Cos that fucking helps when your already in a fucking rut.

Gileswithachainsaw yes, this whole thread is based on assumptions.

Think you're projecting a bit there, Lana. This is nothing like your situation.

I agree it is a bit unusual after 6 days.

Not because a new mum can't have a life but I would assume she would still be quite sore and exhausted!

I couldn't think of anything worse than going out all night clubbing 6 days post partum.

Although my friend had a baby last year and she was completely back to normal after a few days. If you didn't know her you would never have guessed that she had just had a baby!

Everyone's different

No I don't get why the situation is different at all?

So what if I had spent those 4 hours clubbing instead of having a meal??

If that had been my chosen moment of "release" at that time then so fucking what??

If she feels up for it, and the baby will be well cared for, then I seriously don't see the problem. At all.

If she was going back to work or for a spa day it would be all "good for her" "yeah the father should step up" type comments.

But because it's fucking clubbing that's terribly bad and we should all wring our hands at the idea that a mother might [gasp] actually want to feel normal for a few fucking hours.

ANd I think it's a class thing, I really fucking do, sorry.

Because as I said, if it was an "acceptable" thing like working, or pizzas and wine, then it's all good.

But drinking in a club??

NOoooooooo.

Plus it's the assumption that because she wants to go clubbing she must be getting shitfaced. How patronising is that ffs?

So tell me then.

Whats the difference between a posh piss up in the sun, and a piss up in a club?

Think you're projecting a bit there,Lana. This is nothing like your situation

And there we go again. As far as the baby is concerned he or she has no idea why the mum isn't there. Coffee in Costa or not bath for an hour or weekend in Euro Disney. The mum is not there for whatever reason. The baby is in the care of a parent either way one who should be equally capable.

So what's with trying to justify one person's reason while trashing another. If the baby is apparently going to suffer in some what with feeling cared for or secure or bonding then not being there regardless of reason would affect it right?

This is all just judge mental crap don't say it's about what's best for baby

I have never said i wanted to stop her completely nor did i say i want the bf to stop her completely

All im suggesting is 6 days is too soon and to delay it for a few weeks

OP one of my lovely friends did something very similar following the birth of her baby. I won't give too many details of what was going on but I was immediately concerned for her well being as she had a tough time and difficult birth. Later she was diagnosed with ptsd and PND and she admitted that the focus on clubbing was part of her way of denying what had happened and what she was going through as well as holding on to a pre birth belief that having a baby wouldn't change her. Only you really know your friend though so only you can judge.

No I'm not projecting.

Just angry at the attitude that still fucking exists that motherhood is a weird sainthood we must all subscribe to.
And the weird double standards that make it ok to leave a young baby to go to work, or go on a spa day, but not go and dance in a club for a few hours.

All im suggesting is 6 days is too soon and to delay it for a few weeks

But why do you think she or anyone else should care what you think?

As far as the baby is concerned he or she has no idea why the mum isn't there. Coffee in Costa or not bath for an hour or weekend in Euro Disney. The mum is not there for whatever reason. The baby is in the care of a parent either way one who should be equally capable.

Well said Giles.

The double standards are breathtaking.

This is all just judge mental crap don't say it's about what's best for baby

I think most people have been more concerned about the mother.

Just for what it's worth, I wouldn't be advocating a spa day or going back to work after six days either.

But that was my pount Angela we have no fucking idea why the mother is doing it.

As I described in my situation, I needed those fews hours of "normal", of "me", and I came feeling a bit mentally stronger.

why could she not be doing that?

I love clubbing, and if I hadn't still been really sore I might have done that instead!

Clubbing is some peoples "normal".

It is my happy place for sure (along with live gigs, pubs and festivals)

It might be something she needs to do to feel better.

Just for what it's worth, I wouldn't be advocating a spa day or going back to work after six days either

For what it's worth they would be equally none of your business.

Concerned she's not got a baby attached to her boobs he entire time and padded up to the hilt nore like.

I mean talking to the boyfriend? Seriously?

No thought that actually he could be part of the "problem"

Or hell may even be the one who suggested it because she needs a break and he wants to have some alone time with the baby.

It's not a problem.that needs fixing or massive justifications.

i would never tell her she couldn't. But I certainly think she shouldn't,

I would agree with the above

Well what would you 'advocate' then, Essie?

Remain indoors, fulfil your biological function, breastfeed 24/7, cocoon yourself with baby to ensure bonding.

When should she be allowed out then? And what should she do when she is?

If it was my wife/partner, and she was sure she was feeling up to it, I would say go for it (I hate clubbing so I'd be glad for the baby as an excuse not to go). The baby won't care one way or another who it's fed, cuddled and changed by.

That said, having witnessed two births, if it had been me I would have taken to my bed for at least a month afterwards, so if she's up for clubbing she's doing pretty well.

Can i also just point out that people seem angry at the clubbing and potential drinking

But a number of people have recommended the pub or a night in with friends and a bottle of wine

Oh and for what it's worth, I BF DS for 3.5years, he didn't really take to food till after he was 1, and he never took a fucking bottle after he came out of hospital little sod

I still managed to go out to all sorts of places, including leaving EBF 5 month old with my mum in a flat in Germany to go and see DP play a gig, and various other clubs/gigs etc.

We have all survived quite happily.