New mum clubbing

[MrsG841]

A friend of mine has just become a first time mum and her LO is 6 days old.

She messaged a few us to organise going clubbing at weekend.

AIBU to think that she shouldnt think about this at such an early stage?

I'd worry, but not so much in a judgy way - I'd be more worried about her well-being.

I remember being very tender and a bit wobbly (emotionally and physically) so soon after birth. Not to mention sore and leaky. Clubbing would have been last on the list of things I wanted to do. It's exhausting.

Is she coping ok emotionally?

I didn't actually say that

But by god was I thinking it

No, don't support women to make their own choices, tell them to do what you think they should do.
Fucks sake yourself

Hang on, and I've just seen the 'disordered thinking' bit from Essie.

You're seriously saying that a woman who wants to do this is in some way mentally ill?

Yeah, I guess telling her she's just under societal pressure to terminate a pregnancy is protecting her biological rights too? She doesn't know her own mind, she must be mad.

I think actually Judge is too strong a word and to be honest i'm indifferent to it. I had a friend whose newborn had a sleepover at her inlaws when he was 4 days old - i found it odd but i dont doubt she's a good mum who just wanted a decent nights sleep.

Actually if all she wants to do is dance then more power to her and good luck with the stitches, likewise if its a couple of glasses of wine. But clubbing to me means getting shitfaced which seems to be what the OP is implying - thats worrying behaviour 6 days post partum because it suggest she's not coping.

I did it when DS was 9 weeks old. I'd fallen pregnant by mistake whilst enjoying a hedonistic year of being in my early 20's, earning good money and still in the honeymoon period of a new relationship.

Was a massive culture shock to have to grow up so quickly.

I wanted a night out for my birthday when DS was 9 weeks old so he went to my mums and I had a night out.

It sucked. I was tired, emotional and my boobs were leaking everywhere.

Maybe your friend just wants to feel like herself again for one night. Not everyone is lucky enough to enjoy parenting straight off the bat, it takes a while to get used to sometimes.

However, saying that, if the night puts and getting hammered become a regular occurrence, then yes, hook away.

You seriously think choosing to go out to get pissed, leaving a breastfed week old baby, with a second degree tear, bleeding lochia, engorged breasts, raging hormones etc is a rational choice?

She is either an alcoholic or her thinking is disordered in some way. It really isn't healthy or normal.

I would never tell her she couldn't. But I certainly think she shouldn't, and I am saying that as a feminist.

Offs jessie

Being chewed to pieces is pretty much what happened to me. Didn't realise sharing experiences was scaremongering. Your absolutely right there was no blood or split nipple at all

Bloody autocorrect.

Nights out*

Hoik*

The younger her child experiences being away from her and looked after by someone else the quicker and easier he/she will settle into it

A bit like Romulus and Remulus you mean? What tosh! Such crapyology.
A newborn needs its milk and warmth and security source, and it can come from any primary care giver. But it needs love to grow and develop properly. And it itself doesn't need time away, the caregiver does.

I'd put the judgey pants back in the draw and go round and check on my friend. Having a baby sends many a woman a bit nuts and to be honest I'd be more concerned than anything else. Please try to remember what a complete shock your first baby is!

You seriously think choosing to go out to get pissed, leaving a breastfed week old baby, with a second degree tear, bleeding lochia, engorged breasts, raging hormones etc is a rational choice?

It doesn't matter if we think it's a rational choice, it's not our choice. That's the point here.

6 days does sound soon but essentially nothing wrong with it if her DH is at home etc.

DH and I went out together for a 40th birthday meal for a close friend when DS was 3 weeks (only been home about 10 days as DS was in special care) and left him with my mum for 4 hours. People on MN would have said this was awful as there are lots of people on here who haven't left their children for years for a night out.

TBH it's really not your business, I understand why you think it's odd as most people wouldn't have the energy but it's not the worst thing in the world.

Yes, I have no reason to think it's not a rational choice.

I think assuming a woman's actions are a result of mental illness rather than rational choice, regardless of how recently she has given birth, is a deeply unfeminist and worrying response.

Fucking hell the level of outrage on this thread is quite gross really.

Ffs she's not talking about leaving her baby in the care of a tiger and fucking off to snort coke.

I couldn't have at 6 days old, but that's because I was still in hospital with a catheter.

And actually, when DS was born, I had already had an incredibly dificult pregnancy, spent a total of 3 months of it in hospital with severe HG, and both me and DS nearly died during birth, had an emergency c- section, and DS was very very ill in SCBU for weeks afterwards.
I didn't leave the hospital once for 2 weeks post- birth.

After 2 weeks of only leaving SCBU to eat meals at my bed, the nurses literally shooed me and DP out the hospital, and told us to go out and treat ourselves and get a break.

They suggested we get dressed up and go out for a meal.

We went and sat in the sunshine, and had pizza and a bottle of wine (and yes I was bfing- but there was lots of expressed milk at the hospital- the nurses had actually suggested this btw!) and it was such
a fucking relief tbh.

Obv I knew DS was well cared for.

I hadn't realised how much I needed it, and initially I was horrified at the thought of leaving my precious baby for even a minute.

But as I sat there in the sun, with a glass of wine, chatting to DP about the news after months of stress and literally only talking about DS, I felt a great weight lift.

When I got back to the hospital 4 hours later I felt stronger, and more able to cope.

Maybe she feels like she needs something like that?
A moment of release?

A chance to feel like herself again for a few hours?

Why does that make her any less of a mum ffs?

Maybe it might make her feel able to be a better mum??

Get off your fucking high horses- I'm sure to some people laughing, joking and getting slightly tipsy in the sun is horrifying when your 2 week old son is v v ill in SCBU, but trust me, it was the best thing I could have done, and it really fucking helped.

Is there more to this situation OP?

Your friend going out clubbing for one night, when presumably baby is being well looked after by someone trustworthy, isn't in itself a worry. Personally I wouldn't have done this (too old and tired lol and a bit soon after the birth for my liking) but we're all different aren't we.

We have to accept in life, people we care about make decisions that we may not agree with or think unwise, but it's their prerogative. You are concerned about your friend and mean well, but it's up to her.

Maybe your friend will make a mistake and learn from it, or maybe she'll go out and have a great time.

Que sera sera.

You seriously think choosing to go out to get pissed, leaving a breastfed week old baby, with a second degree tear, bleeding lochia, engorged breasts, raging hormones etc is a rational choice?

This. I'm all for women doing whatever they want to do but to me this describes someone who's not coping. I don't think she should be judged for it though, I'd just be worried about a friend who was acting this way.

Feminism is not about supporting someone's shitty decision simply because that someone is a woman.

So even if it isn't our choice , we need to just think it's fine?
Wanting to have a night out like that is proof that all isn't okay.
No matter how some on here would like to think it's all about female choice - what crap!

We went and sat in the sunshine, and had pizza and a bottle of wine (and yes I was bfing- but there was lots of expressed milk at the hospital- the nurses had actually suggested this btw!) and it was such

That's hardly the same as going out clubbing and getting pissed though is it?!

Isn't there a trending thread on NM about the earliest you've been clubbing postpartum?

Hey she's not even pissed yet stop assuming she's on a 10 hour bender high as a kite and pissed as a fart.

There's every chance she will be home by midnight shattered with the baby nine the wiser she even left.

We've been 'ad!

Lana your situation is entirely different to the situation described in he OP.