New mum clubbing

[MrsG841]

A friend of mine has just become a first time mum and her LO is 6 days old.

She messaged a few us to organise going clubbing at weekend.

AIBU to think that she shouldnt think about this at such an early stage?

I'm in absolute amazement! I had a normal vaginal delivery, just gas and air and no tears or stitches and I still didn't know which way was up for at least 2 weeks! Plus every time I walked about my legs got weak and shakey! The earliest I would have considered it would have been 2-3 months.

But each to their own I'm in awe of it!!

I personally wouldn't care too much about the mother and her condition since she is no doubt the best judge of how she feels. I do however query whether there might be an issue of " attachment" ( by which I do not mean bonding). Babies brains are extremely primitive at birth and they are hard wired to want the mother. The mother.... not another responsible adult. The mother is obviously the key to survival and the fact that formula is available and they won't starve to death does not negate that issue. So my concern is regarding the speed in which she's prepared to walk away from a child when they are most vulnerable which seems to be against the natural order. ( which is not saying she must be chained to the child until it's 18)

One imagines you have some evidential basis for your concerns, then?

Babies brains are extremely primitive at birth and they are hard wired to want the mother. The mother.... not another responsible adult. The mother is obviously the key to survival and the fact that formula is available and they won't starve to death does not negate that issue.

Hmm, I'm not sure that this isn't bollocks. I think in the very early days as long as the child's basic needs are being met they don't care too much about anything else. But this:

So my concern is regarding the speed in which she's prepared to walk away from a child when they are most vulnerable

I agree with.

I wonder if the friend will look back at wanting to go clubbing and laugh in a few years?

Friend: "Remember when I'd just had her and wanted to go clubbing the next weekend! Ha ha I thought I was Superwoman. Why didn't you say anything?"

Other friend "Mumsnet told me I'd look like an anti feminist judgey arsehole and a shit friend to question it"

Friend: "oh"

Wow. Just wow. I cannot believe how judgemental mums can be to other mums. Heaven help us all whatever decision we make. I hope your friend is happy OP and confident in whatever decisions she makes for the good of herself and her baby.

Not something I would do but everyone is different, is she breastfeeding? She might not even have a drink

To be honest, I'd probably judge in real life too. I do think each to their own but 6 days old is very early.

But I can't stand being away from my baby ds who is 4.5 months old! Was supposed to go for my first night out without him tonight and have pulled out

Not something I would have done, but I wouldn't leave my poor child alone, I had PNA.
My much more level-headed Dsis and her DH flew half way around the world to attend a friend's wedding when their DC was 2 weeks old. And she was BFing!
I would put my hand up that they are better parents than me.

You'll get slated for that on MN but I agree that going clubbing when you have a 1 week old is a bit nuts and I would judge too

You can't speak for the vast majority of mothers Helen. You don't know them. You're assuming and passing judgement and for good measure throwing in a bit if nonsense about denial too.

My opinion is its a bad idea, mainly for the baby and especially if she is breastfeeding. Saying babies just sleep is moronic and very disrespectful to babies. She has plenty of time to go out and six days in is not the time.

How is it disrespectful to babies to say babies sleep?

The horseshit just keeps piling up.

It does come across as flippant to state "babies just sleep, it doesn't matter who's caring for them, the baby won't know, they're boring..."
It just sounds a bit cold. Sorry.

Luckily not many babies read mumsnet so I don't think anyone needs to be too concerned about them being disrespected.

The bond between mother and baby is more important in the early days so after 6 days the father is not the mothers equal in terms of providing comfort and care and responsiveness. I'm a big believer in the 4th trimester.

What ever happened to maternal instinct and the deepest feral instinct to protect and care for your newborn?

Having a night out has no bearing on maternal instinct.

I mean...if she feels up for it and has someone to watch the baby then I guess that's up to her. Personally I think it's a bit weird but to each their own.

I think it does. Six days into being a mother it isn't usual to not want to be with your baby.

I dont remember ever hearing the phrase 'the fourth trimester' until this thread

Not saying it never existed...just that i dont remember

And i still have the deepest feral instinct to protect my children

Its just i feel i can work a night out into the mix

(As i said before personally i wouldnt leave a newborn, but thats me and mine...I dont expect everyone to be the same)

And my babies are well old now...but i still regret the time i didnt spend with them...pesky school

"And i still have the deepest feral instinct to protect my children" So do I- and they are 16 and 21! This has jot been affected by the fact that I sang in a series of concerts in dd's first 2 weeks of life........

I would be very concerned for her mental wellbeing if she wants to be separated from her 6 day old newborn baby for a night out of clubbing and possibly getting shitfaced. Makes me wonder about PND possibly, detachment from baby, etc. It is not normal to want to be separated from your newborn.