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AIBU?

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Original poster

New mum clubbing

839 replies

MrsG841 · 20/07/2017 09:04

A friend of mine has just become a first time mum and her LO is 6 days old.

She messaged a few us to organise going clubbing at weekend.

AIBU to think that she shouldnt think about this at such an early stage?

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 21/07/2017 07:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Emboo19 · 21/07/2017 07:43

I'm a young mum (19) still very much at the going clubbing stage and the only one of my friends with a baby. I had a natural easy birth, no stitches etc. I certainly wasn't sat at home all day as I said before my mw was cross I'd gone out so soon.
But clubbing at 6 days! Maybe it's my idea of clubbing, to me it's going out about 7/8 and retuning 4/5 at least. Lots of dancing, and that in it's self is a like a workout.
And I just can't see how the breastfeeding would work!

My mum works with families (not a social worker but within that field) I mentioned this thread to her last night. She said she'd be concerned if it was someone she knew or a family she was working with. And if I'd said I was wanting to go clubbing 6 days after DD was born she'd have encouraged me to re think it.
And my mum and her friends are some of the biggest party people I know!!

BertrandRussell · 21/07/2017 07:44

"And if the roles were reversed and someone posted saying they were 6 days pp and their dp left them with the baby to go clubbing there would not be the same level of 'well the other parent is perfectly capable' as seen on this thread."
Can you really not see any difference? Really??????

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 21/07/2017 07:50

What pen and bertrand said

BertrandRussell · 21/07/2017 07:55

Things that are unacceptable on Mumsnet

  1. having a loo brush
  2. doing a favour without expecting exact reciprocation
  3. feeling perfectly fine after giving birth.
Waybalooloo · 21/07/2017 07:56

Exactly Giles Grin

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 21/07/2017 08:16

emboo

Most people on the thread would be concerned, lots have said they wouldn't do it whether they felt fine or not

Loads have said ...well let het try, she will be asleep by 10

But its not for anyone to say she is a bad mum or stupid or anything else

OP could say...are you sure you dont want to leave it for a few more weeks

OP could think, well i am going to make sure you are ok

(And i am sure the OP is a lovely friend and would not do anything to upset the new mum)

Pinklady301 · 21/07/2017 08:55

I wouldn't judge either. When my DD was several months old I couldnt wait to go on my first night out and have a few drinks. I was breastfeeding and also had a C Sec so couldnt go out for the first couple of months but it meant a lot to me when i finally did.

Llanali · 21/07/2017 09:02

Anyone else now want to go clubbing straight after just to r able to enjoy 48hours of mumsnet pearl clutching?

I didn't, I probably wouldn't, but good luck to her.

I did go and do all my horses when daughter was less than 48 hours old, left her with my husband. Being female didn't make me suddenly more knowledgable in baby care than him.

I often hear people say they barely showered, they couldn't get out the house etc. I appreciate that's what it is like for some, but as above, NOT for everyone.

I rode 8/9 days later, I was dog walking and doing farm chores the day after. I went out to a big extended family restaurant meal when she was two days old. She slept, I had some wine and some fun.

We went to a fortieth birthday bash when she was 5 days! She came, because we don't have family baby sitting support and my hsband and I both wanted to go to the party.

For every few of you who felt awful, there's one like me, who felt fine. Tender, but fine.

And yes, I had a stay in HDU and an episiotomy and stitches etc etc.

I am not boasting. We are all different. I'm just trying to get the point out that for some of us, it is just a slightly new angle on life, a beautiful addition, not a traumatic, physically wrecking, emotionally disturbing event as it is for others.

harshbuttrue1980 · 21/07/2017 09:10

The important thing is whether the baby suffers or not. If the baby is left with their dad, then I don't see a problem - the dad is a parent too, just like the mum! If the baby is being left with a random babysitter from a babysitting company, then I'd say 6 days is way too young. Being left with a blood relative is not child neglect.

Emboo19 · 21/07/2017 09:20

I'm not saying she's a bad mum Rufus

I'd be concerned if she was my friend though. My midwife said no alcohol until breastfeeding was well established and no exercise other than walking for the first 6 weeks. As a new mum at 19, maybe I took her too literally though and it was more depends on how you're feeling advice.

OP, I wouldn't say anything to her or her bf. Just be a friend and be there for her.

ThymeLord · 21/07/2017 09:21

I only wish i'd been on here when I went clubbing after I had my daughter.

Edsheeranalbumparty · 21/07/2017 09:40

Because shes a mum doesnt mean she isnt allowed a social life

I fully agree, but she has been a mum for 6 days!

Edsheeranalbumparty · 21/07/2017 09:46

We went to a fortieth birthday bash when she was 5 days! She came, because we don't have family baby sitting support and my hsband and I both wanted to go to the party.

This is not the same at all, I think some people are missing the point. Presumably this was arranged before you had the baby and was on a specific date, and didnt involve you texting your mates for a big night out before your child had been in the world for even a week.

I only wish i'd been on here when I went clubbing after I had my daughter.

What, you went clubbing when your daughter was 6 days old?

BertrandRussell · 21/07/2017 11:35

I am still interested in whether people think I shouldn't have gone out to sing Bach when my dd was a similar age............

ThymeLord · 21/07/2017 11:45

No EdSheeran, she was 11 days old.

Gileswithachainsaw · 21/07/2017 12:01

This is not the same at all, I think some people are missing the point. Presumably this was arranged before you had the baby and was on a specific date, and didnt involve you texting your mates for a big night out before your child had been in the world for even a week

Again with the nonsense acceptable criteria.

What's it matter. Dinner and a movie or a rave. Family function or trip to Tesco. Arranged for a week or a month or a yr...

Up to doing the rounds with family at a birthday then up to night clubbing.

Champaign at a retirement party or vodka shots at a pub. It's all alcohol will get u smashed if you drink enough.

Home with dad or passed around multiple family members all night you are still not with the baby and baby is still in care of another responsible adult.

What's the difference really, where you are or what you are doing of you aren't at home or holding the baby.

Gileswithachainsaw · 21/07/2017 12:04

And people breastfeed their babies til 3.

Kids are in nappies til 3

People co sleep with their kids into double figures

What's the difference in leaving them at a week or a yr they are equally dependant on you in fact its easier when they are tiny cos they just sleep and won't even notice you are gone

ThymeLord · 21/07/2017 12:06

There is no difference. It just helps other people to feel morally superior and sit on the internet casting judgement thinly veiled as 'concern'.

stevie69 · 21/07/2017 12:11

There is no difference. It just helps other people to feel morally superior and sit on the internet casting judgement thinly veiled as 'concern'

Doesn't it just? Sad
S x

Llanali · 21/07/2017 12:13

Exactly @Giles

Birthday parties here, for adults and often kids are dancing, drinking if you want to and music-involving merry-making which go on into the early hours!

And no, @Edsheeran, it was a last minute surprise bash. Friends husband messaged us the day before or so, asking if we fancied celebrating and we mutually decided a bit of a bash, and we went to Costco for some bits for party, and headed over for 7pm!

Gileswithachainsaw · 21/07/2017 12:27

I'm surprised people aren't more worried about the need to only be in another room incase the baby cried whilst with its DAD. Than they are about what another mum feels up to doing.

If dp offered to give me a "night off" so I could go out or sleep or watch a film undisturbed he's have been extremely pissed off if I spent it with my ear to the door or up and down stairs checking up on them.

He would be upset I felt him so incapable

SolomanDaisy · 21/07/2017 12:42

The comparison with breastfeeding a 3 year old is ridiculous. A week old baby reds to feed very frequently and hasn't established a routine. I breastfed till three and of course I didn't stay in until then. I'm breastfeeding my 8 month old and I can go out after her evening feed. I couldn't have done that when she was a week old, because that's not how newborns work.

MercuryMadness · 21/07/2017 12:46

If her baby is 6 days old, I doubt she will be expressing! It takes a while for the supply to settle in.

Gileswithachainsaw · 21/07/2017 12:47

There seek to be plenty of toddlers dependant on breastfeeding to sleep or the mum's presence though

And im.sure even in 6 short days she's figures out the baby needs feeding. Unless you are of course insinuating that she hasn't got that avenue covered and baby is going to starve all night?

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