New mum clubbing

[MrsG841]

A friend of mine has just become a first time mum and her LO is 6 days old.

She messaged a few us to organise going clubbing at weekend.

AIBU to think that she shouldnt think about this at such an early stage?

Some of the judginess on this thread leaves me massively uneasy. The only one who has a right to decide whether it is OK for a new mother to go clubbing is them. I was working 50+ hours a week when my first DC was 3 weeks old and we did just fine. It never occurred to me to question whether my DH would be able to look after his child while I worked. If I had wanted tgo out after work work, I am sure he would have coped perfectly well.

You get a grip. It isn't for you to say what is the best idea for other women. You get to say what is the best idea for you, and only you.

Are you trying to catch people out? Do you think you're being clever? You're not. The answer would still be "none of my fucking business"

No toosexy I'm not trying to 'be clever'
I'm just wondering if people's views that it's perfectly normal are the same universally, or only if it's strangers on the internet doing it, in an attempt to not be seen as 'judgy'.
I'd be really worried if my own DD went out dancing and drinking after 9 months of pregnant sobriety as a new mother, with a 2nd degree vaginal tear and having given birth just 6 bloody days ago. That's all.
So you'd not bat an eyelid if it was your daughter, sister or best friend?

Fair enough.

You might actually try and pay attention to what people actually say then, if you are interested.

The people arguing with you are not saying; yes its a completely normal and wonderful idea, are they? No. They are saying its her decision, whether its a bad idea or not.

RTFT.

That's not what you're 'just' saying though homie. You didn't say it was probably not a good idea, you appointed yourself as a person who gets to say what all women should be doing after they give birth. Fuck that. Not your call.

logic - I agree. I'm due to give birth in a few weeks and know that my DH, DM, DPIL would be very concerned if less than a week after I was going out clubbing. I'd be worried if it was a friend of mine too.

OP said, she's never gone out and not gotten drunk

Yeah and people would have said exactly the same thing about me.

And guess what I have successfully for over a decade gone out for varying degrees of time and not got shit faced.

I've drunk yes. But I've not gotten drunk and never been in a state where I couldn't look after my baby in the morning.

I'd be concerned rather than judge

The baby needs their mum. Someone putting their social life first within the first week of having their baby is a red flag that something isn't right in my opinion.
Not saying that u can't go out but definitely not that early. It's called 4th trimester for a reason.

Back up your claims, people. Otherwise it's just a red flag for you being full of hot air.

Erm it's a thread asking advice and I think I'm giving pretty sound advice. I'm not saying I'm in charge of anybody that's just you getting wound up about it

Definitely wouldn't appoint myself as the person who decides what women do after they give birth after reading this. Fuck that for a job.

No homie, I'm accurately quoting the words you wrote. That's not a matter of opinion.

And you aren't giving sound advice, you're bullshitting. You have never met this woman, don't know what's best for her, and aren't qualified to say what's best for other women. End of.

I agree, it's her decision and I'm not judging that.
I'm saying that I'd worry for their overall health if it was someone I cared about.

It's quite bizarre to see, people supporting the decision to go out clubbing when a baby is 6 days old. Usually on MN, the concensus is where a new mother is concerned, to always be very patient and understanding of their postnatal needs, because post-birth is the most vulnerable time of a woman's life. That you've just undertaken the most physically, psychologically and hormonally demanding period of your life and you'll be weak and vulnerable after it, because that's just what childbirth does.

Also, mothers who "had it easy" in labour and felt great in the early days are usually met with "Good for you " responses, not waved off to the clubs 6 days post partum.

This place does confuse me at times.

The baby needs their mum. Someone putting their social life first within the first week of having their baby is a red flag that something isn't right in my opinion
Not saying that u can't go out but definitely not that early. It's called 4th trimester for a reason

I dunno. I'd put my baby first when I spent fortune in taxis to a&e to check baby was ok. I put baby first when I was lying bored out of my brain In bed for weeks on end.i was putting my baby first when I let half the hospital shove fingers and tongs up my fanjo and I sure as hell was putting my baby first when I stayed in a hot hospital holding her hand barely eating and sleeping missing dd1. I was putting.my baby first when instead of resting in was traipsing down the Drs. Again.

If someone had told me I should put my baby first the secind I went out for a night of have told them to fuck off to the far side of fuck.

Who are you to decide what her priorities are. You have no idea what sacrifices she is making and will continue to make

We're all agreeing that clubbing isn't the best idea, that yes new mums are entitled to have a break, it's understandable and up to her to decide.

Most wouldn't do it themselves having experienced giving birth.

It's a woman's right to have an opinion too. That's not being a judgey arsehole, it's just voicing an opinion on what is essentially a hypothetical situation.

Also, it doesn't mention how old the girl is... if she's young , fit and healthy she'll possibly bounce back easy and won't need the "recovery" time so many posters are going on about. I felt physically fine within a day or so after my first. Also if she's in her mid-twenties or so, it would be perfectly normal to go out as all her social circle are probably still doing so... even those with children (shock horror!) I'm wondering if all the harsh comments are from older mothers who can't relate?? Or those who struggled to conceive? Having a baby isn't that big a deal when it happens effortlessly, with no complications and easy recovery... you just get on with life and your world doesn't stop - it just has a new addition slot in who will be perfectly fine with their father every once in a while! You Outraged Annies need to get a handle on yourselves

I just asked DD2 what we did when she was six days old. She said 'what the fuck are you on about?'

Just

Please tell me that dd is quite a bit older now

I spent months with horrific backache from.a transverse baby. Bleeding like a stuck pig and being kicked the shit out internally by the monkey who enjoyed regular games of " why utilise a whole uterus when you can cram into this one part"

The sonographers also seemed determined to make every attempt to push her out with the probe

I was so battered and bruised by the end of it all that quite frankly being hit by a bus on the dance floor at a night club would have been a walk in the park after that.

Still far easier and less physically demanding than going back to look after two kids walking several miles a day and mountains of washing

She's 19 but to be fair has been swearing like a trooper from an early age (proud mum)

I'm wondering if all the harsh comments are from older mothers who can't relate?? Or those who struggled to conceive? Having a baby isn't that big a deal when it happens effortlessly

Fucking hell so the only people who might possibly disagree that going clubbing when your baby is 6 days old should be presumed to be old or infertile? Wow.

I'm a mid-age mother, had my first at 28 and my fourth at 36. Struggled to conceive with three years of TTC. Had one early miscarriage and one late miscarriage.

My comments have all been in support of postnatal mothers doing whatever they want and that they shouldn't judged for it.

See what happens when you generalise?

I know my perception is skewed by crap late pregnancies and recovery heavy births, but the concept of clubbing seems utterly at odds with your needs so soon after birth.

Enjoyment of clubbing tends to revolve around drinking alcohol and dancing. Dancing with a stitched up foof, lochia, engorged leaky breasts and your abs doing a good impression of your obliques doesn't sound like a great idea. 9 months of pregnancy can put a serious dent in your alcohol tolerance. Waking up to a 7 day old baby and a hangover does not sound like a great form of escapism or relaxation. Clubbing is tiring. Getting a seat can be a mission. At 6 days postpartum your body is still recovering from the most abrupt physical and hormonal change it's gone through since its own birth. It's easy to over do it even if you feel fine at that point, the effect may not be clear until later. You still can't legally return to an employer for at least another week from then, because the law respects that it is a vulnerable time.

I can comprehend a few hours at a concert/ restaurant/ hairdressers as suggested upthread because there are seats and some form of rest, but something physically demanding like clubbing or sport has a potential to cause harm so early on.

There is middle ground between an enforced confinement and a drive to resume business as usual

I'm wondering if all the harsh comments are from older mothers who can't relate?? Or those who struggled to conceive? Having a baby isn't that big a deal when it happens effortlessly

brilliant, you manage to insult all young mums, and older mothers (whatever that means?) in the same sentence, if apparently you are either an immature airhead or an overprotective old bag. Nice. Very nice.