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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

New mum clubbing

839 replies

MrsG841 · 20/07/2017 09:04

A friend of mine has just become a first time mum and her LO is 6 days old.

She messaged a few us to organise going clubbing at weekend.

AIBU to think that she shouldnt think about this at such an early stage?

OP posts:

cognacbag · 20/07/2017 20:43

I don't see how you could feel like staying up late

MissBax · 20/07/2017 20:46

I'd judge to be honest. That is weird!

JoshLymanJr · 20/07/2017 20:48

'Proper' behaviour for mothers is mainly about what benefits men in the culture/society the mother and baby happen to be living in.

Never mind that it's always women who try to police the behaviour of other mothers, (with this thread as a prime example).

stevie69 · 20/07/2017 20:50

Poor baby, how dare he be in the way of clubbing, drinking and having fun.

He isn't. FFS, give the new mum a break and fucking butt out

JoshLymanJr · 20/07/2017 20:52

Poor baby, how dare he be in the way of clubbing, drinking and having fun.

Jesus wept...

Edsheeranalbumparty · 20/07/2017 20:58

Does anyone else fully expect this thread to appear on the Daily Mail in the next few days?

Meandtwo · 20/07/2017 21:42

Wow so much judgement! I possibly would have been surprised about something like this before I had a baby - but could completely understand it after I became a mother! Newborns are beyond boring, will mostly sleep at that stage and won't notice their mother is gone away for a few hours to let her hair down. I would have done it myself except for breastfeeding. It's a hard transition being a first time mum - I found it took a while to "sink in" and I was surprised I didn't feel any "different" once I had my first... took a few months of getting to know my child before my mindset changed so give your friend a break! And to the people saying "most parents actually like spending time with their newborns" what crap! She'll be with the child around the clock for months and months - she's entitled to a bloody break...

What harm will it actually do?? Why shouldn't she have fun after the rubbishness of pregnancy and the torturous ordeal that is childbirth? Besides, she'll most likely find it's not worth it anymore when she has to deal with a crying baby and a hangover! :)

user7680 · 20/07/2017 21:47

Why not???i love clubbing and after a year of prepping and pregnancy I was ready to hit the clubs and haven't stopped

LogicalPsycho · 20/07/2017 21:48

This has become fucking ridiculous now.

I know that when it comes to parenting, it is down to the primary caregivers to decide what's appropriate.
But I do think some of these replies are a little disingenuous.

So one day, if your own DD gives birth to DGC on a Monday, then calls you midweek to ask if you'll mind their newborn this Saturday night while she goes clubbing, you'll be happy and not consider it odd?

You wouldn't be concerned at all for your DD's health and state of mind, being out dancing and drinking until the early hours, with a 2nd degree vaginal tear and having given birth 6 days ago?
Really?

Lillygreen · 20/07/2017 21:49

How could she even want to go out after just 6 days?! Mine is 6 months and going on a night out seems like such a waste of sleep! Hahaha

RJnomore1 · 20/07/2017 21:50

I went clubbing when dd2 was 14 days old after a c section. I was absolutely fine and so was she.

LouHotel · 20/07/2017 21:52

@edsheeranalbumparty definitely Daily Mail fodder. Will solve OP's predicament if her friend sees it.

user1476869312 · 20/07/2017 21:56

Also, it's good for a mum to get a break at least once a week. Looking after small children is work and all workers need regular breaks.

Nonotmenori · 20/07/2017 21:58

I remember having DS and going out clubbing when he was 10 days old. Stop judging what others do.

Lillygreen · 20/07/2017 22:04

Oh and at 6 days post birth I was still in hospital barely left my bed only for shower/ bathroom! Couldn't imagine going clubbing!

Emboo19 · 20/07/2017 22:05

Hmm, I'm on the fence with this one. I'm definitely not one to think once you become a parent you have to stop living.
But 6 days!! I hate to say it, but I think I'd judge a parent (either) doing that.
Maybe she's struggling a bit and just needs a blow out though. Argh!! I don't know what I think.

If she goes watch her though, first time out after my DD, a few cocktails and I was sooo drunk! 9 months + of no drinking and I was a very cheap date.

Although I got 'told off' by my midwife for going shopping when DD was a few days old. She said I was supposed to take it easy so not sure a night dancing would be recommended. And at 6 days breastfeeding is still very much getting established, so if she wants to carry on with it, she might want to rethink it.

toosexyforyahshirt · 20/07/2017 22:05

Are you trying to catch people out? Do you think you're being clever?
You're not. The answer would still be "none of my fucking business".

notyourhomie · 20/07/2017 22:06

This thread is ridiculous! 6 days after having a baby a mother should not be clubbing! and it's not a feminist issue it's just about what's best for everyone involved! Giving birth is a huge ordeal she needs to recover mentally and physically and spend time bonding with her baby.

TheNightmanCometh · 20/07/2017 22:18

Ridiculous is thinking yourself entitled to decide what's best for every woman and baby, and what someone you've never met needs to do to recover.

Personally I'd probably have died if I'd done that 6 days post partum, but then I can hardly stay awake on nights out even years later. Doesn't mean that's true for everything.

And those of you bullshitting about bonding had better have receipts. Where's the research proving your claims?

ImsorryTommy · 20/07/2017 22:23

Hopefully she just wants a night out whether people think it's misguided or not.

But not everyone is thrilled to be a Mum. Some babies weren't planned or wanted. Some might be but Mum then shits herself at the enormity of it and regrets it ot pretends it hasn't really happened.

It's probably just that she wants a night out but in my experience, one of the worst things you could possibly say in the eyes of others is to say you don't want your baby or simply can't cope with the initial change. So some people go through pregnancy and birth pretending it's all okay when they're screaming inside and panicked.

And all the 4th trimester, your baby needs you and only you, oh God nothing would have parted me from my newborn, I gazed at mine all day, oh so clubbing is more important eh? bad mummying, baby comes first now and always comments just further prove that you're a shitty person and everyone in the world will judge you for not being happy you have a baby and devoting yourself when you don't feel any bond whatsoever. And you probably will given time but right now you wonder wtf you have done.

I just thought I'd add that. This is probably just a case of wanting a night out but this thread proves how utterly abhorrent some people seem to find it to want to go clubbing with a week old baby so how would they react if someone said 'actually, I didn't want this baby or I just don't now, I feel like I've made a massive mistake and like my life is ruined'.

That's why people don't say it. It seems to be the worst thing you could say as a woman.

user1476869312 · 20/07/2017 22:24

But giving birth isn't always a huge ordeal. If you are young and healthy and it all goes smoothly (I know perfectly well this isn't the case for everyone and even the very fit can have a difficult birth) you might very well feel fine after a day or two.

toosexyforyahshirt · 20/07/2017 22:26

Of course its a feminist issue, you are telling women what they must do and what they must not to. We're against that.
It's not fucking rocket science.

Other women can do things that you would not do. Is this too difficult a concept for you?

TheNightmanCometh · 20/07/2017 22:28

I quite understand feeling worried someone might not be up to it. Probably most of us aren't. It's some of the other objections that are unreasonable.

notyourhomie · 20/07/2017 22:32

Get a grip. I'm just saying it's not best for the mum or baby. & yes there are a million reasons she might be fine but it's PROBABLY not a good idea. Not abhorrent, just not the best idea. & not because she's a woman, just because she's a person who has been through quite an ordeal.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 20/07/2017 22:36

This is another example of a thread where 90% of people are actually agreeing

Just in a very argumentative way

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