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AIBU?

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Original poster

New mum clubbing

839 replies

MrsG841 · 20/07/2017 09:04

A friend of mine has just become a first time mum and her LO is 6 days old.

She messaged a few us to organise going clubbing at weekend.

AIBU to think that she shouldnt think about this at such an early stage?

OP posts:
Edsheeranalbumparty · 20/07/2017 14:15

Sometimes they have to come first. And sometimes they don't. It's all about balance, surely?

No actually, when a baby is six fucking days old it has to come first.

Honestly, all this stuff about 'mothers are still people their own person' and 'having children doesn't mean you have to spend the rest of your days chained inside the house with your child attached to you' is perfectly valid and reasonable, but we are talking about a child who has been in the world less than a week.

Honestly if this woman can't even survive a week without wanting time away from her newborn, then how will she cope for the next 18 years?

Flame away, but if in at least the first week your first baby isn't pretty much all consuming in your thoughts then it's a bit weird to be honest.

Somerville · 20/07/2017 14:15

Im not being a ' friend at all im a concerned friend that healthwise with a tear and only being 6 days since giving birth it may be 2 much which is the point of this thread

Your friend is the best judge of how she's feeling and what will be too much for her. If she starts feeling shaky or in pain while she's out then she can just go back home in a taxi.

Coddiwomple I couldn't disagree with you more. If leaving a baby with their other parent for a few hours makes one a shit parent then every single father and most mothers are shit parents.

LunaMay · 20/07/2017 14:15

Gotta love MN. I wonder if half the posters saying it's no big deal for one night are the ones who jump in when it comes to custody/visitation threads with ohhh no baby couldn't possibly be away from mum at that age Hmm

Louiselouie0890 · 20/07/2017 14:16

I wouldn't say having some time out while baby is being perfectly cared for acting single and care free.

minesapintofwine · 20/07/2017 14:17

Ilost I know which I'd prefer too but ultimately this about what the friend prefers. If I was clubbing with a new mum I'd probably cry off home before they did tbh because I'm a lightweight.

There was a poster up thread who said clubbing over 25 is pathetic. It's not. You can go clubbing into your old age if you like.

KidLorneRoll · 20/07/2017 14:19

"No actually, when a baby is six fucking days old it has to come first."

The baby has a father too, so assuming the bloke can undertake the pretty straightforward task of looking after a 6 (fucking) day old for a few hours then what is the problem, exactly?

"Honestly if this woman can't even survive a week without wanting time away from her newborn, then how will she cope for the next 18 years?"

Maybe, just like everyone, she feels like a break away from it all might be beneficial? My kids don't come first all the time in my family, sometimes it's quite useful to have healthy, well functioning adults too.

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/07/2017 14:22

Flame away, but if in at least the firstweekyour first baby isn't pretty much all consuming in your thoughts then it's a bit weird to be honest

Why?

In order to take care of your baby you need to take care if yourself. Im.usually more worried about people who aren't eating or sleeping or bathing or seeing anybody because the baby is so demanding and there's no support or family than I am about the ones who leave the baby with the other capable parent and see their friends for a bit and recharge.

checkoutchick · 20/07/2017 14:23

I'd be concerned that as a parent of only six days she already needs a break!

YokoReturns · 20/07/2017 14:26

I'm not a new mum (DS1 is 4 and DS2 is 14 months) but I couldn't be fucking arsed with a night on the tiles. I did the 'extended' breastfeeding, co-sleeping stuff with both DS1+2 so it's dangerous for me to get drunk and I can't stand being hanging when I've got to take them to the park.

I do what works for me; others might have GPs nearby/be formula feeding/DH doing night feeds so clubbing at 6 days might be a breeze.

Bearfrills · 20/07/2017 14:27

if in at least the firstweekyour first baby isn't pretty much all consuming in your thoughts then it's a bit weird to be honest

Hahahahaha!

MW: "would you like to feed your baby?"
Me: "What baby? That's not my baby..."

Not dying of sepsis was pretty much my all consuming thought. If I'd put DD's needs first and not my own need to get medical attention then I'd have been fucked really.

Putting your baby/child first 100% of the time is pure grade-A bollocks. Even when it's not the extreme case in my example it's absolute bollocks. The kids would love it of all I did all day was give them Haribo while providing non-stop entertainment. I on the other hand would fucking hate it so there are times that I put my need to be a human woman above their need to have me at their beck and call 24/7.

Being a mother is part of who I am, it is not all that I am.

KidLorneRoll · 20/07/2017 14:28

Why? It's not just 6 days is it, it's giving birth and pregnancy and everything that goes with it.

Some people just need to unwind from time to time and there is nothing wrong with that. I go fucking mental if I don't get a bit of time to myself or with friends occasionally. A well functioning family consists of happy adults as well as happy children.

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/07/2017 14:29

What so none of you have ever passed your baby to your dp and gone for a bath and a nap?

Is that not a break? Do you install cctv so you can watch your partners the entire time ready to jump in the second the baby wimpers? Or sent dp out for some bread and nappies?

Or is that ok as you are physically in the house and can claim you don't get any time away when really at the precise moment you aren't in some charge of baby and aren't even in the same room

stevie69 · 20/07/2017 14:30

The baby has a father too, so assuming the bloke can undertake the pretty straightforward task of looking after a 6 (fucking) day old for a few hours then what is the problem, exactly?

Thank you KLR—exactly what I was going to say Smile

Edsheeranalbumparty · 20/07/2017 14:31

I'd be concerned that as a parent of only six days she already needs a break

Exactly. And we are not talking about a 'break' as in sleep or a nice long bath.

Plus it's slightly different if something has been arranged from way before, like a wedding or a work commitment, it's texting your mates to go 'out out'!

I can't really be arsed arguing with people who will think that a woman who has had a baby is incapable of being wrong by virtue of her being a woman who has had a baby.

BertrandRussell · 20/07/2017 14:33

I sang in several concerts when my dd was very tiny. If I had been bottle feeding I would have left her at home with her dad. As I wasn't, he sat back stage in case she needed feeding. Does that show I was "bored" with my baby already? I am positive it's the word "clubbing" that people are getting all judgemental about.

Edsheeranalbumparty · 20/07/2017 14:33

Not dying of sepsis was pretty much my all consuming thought. If I'd put DD's needs first and not my own need to get medical attention then I'd have been fucked really.

Well presumably the OPs friend isn't and was never dying of sepis so it's a bit of moot point really isn't it?

Sorry you had such a crappy time.

ThymeLord · 20/07/2017 14:34

I really can't be arsed with people who sit around judging other people for the sole purpose of feeling better about themselves.

KidLorneRoll · 20/07/2017 14:35

"I am positive it's the word "clubbing" that people are getting all judgemental about."

Totally this.

stevie69 · 20/07/2017 14:36

I can't really be arsed arguing with people who will think that a woman who has had a baby is incapable of being wrong by virtue of her being a woman who has had a baby.

I don't, actually. I think that she's not wrong by virtue of her being ...well, not wrong. It's sod all to do with her having had a baby, notwithstanding that being the crux of the matter Hmm But if you can't be arsed, that's fab. One down .....

Bearfrills · 20/07/2017 14:37

Well presumably the OPs friend isn't and was never dying of sepis so it's a bit of moot point really isn't it?

I was using it to make the point that babies don't always come first and don't have to be your all consuming thought at all times.

ThymeLord · 20/07/2017 14:37

*"I am positive it's the word "clubbing" that people are getting all judgemental about."

Totally this.*

Yup, it definitely is this.

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/07/2017 14:39

Exactly. And we are not talking about a 'break' as in sleep or a nice long bath

So what is a break, if someone else taking the baby for a period of time isn't?

What difference does a venue make? If you aren't personally taking care of the baby does it matter of you are upstairs or in a night club?

For all you know, another mum who gets a lie in and breakfast in bed and time to relax in a bath on a Saturday and Sunday has more time "away" than someone in anight club for 4 hours who then resumes the care of said baby

JoshLymanJr · 20/07/2017 14:41

The baby has a father too, so assuming the bloke can undertake the pretty straightforward task of looking after a 6 (fucking) day old for a few hours then what is the problem, exactly?

Who knows, he may even look forward to it, appreciate it, enjoy it, be good at it or some combination of all of those.

KidLorneRoll · 20/07/2017 14:43

Yup, it's down to clubbing being something that isn't mumsy enough.

The woman is a mother now, she should be doing something respectable like punting on the Thames or a spot of knitting, rather than attending a place of debauchery, for shame!

Gileswithachainsaw · 20/07/2017 14:44

Oh Josh

You have no idea do you. You never let the dad do anything so you can moan he never does anything and leaving with a dad is not acceptable unless he has no clue how to look after a baby. Only when they are useless is it ok to go for a spar day or a night out to prove your point.

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