New mum clubbing

[MrsG841]

A friend of mine has just become a first time mum and her LO is 6 days old.

She messaged a few us to organise going clubbing at weekend.

AIBU to think that she shouldnt think about this at such an early stage?

She's going to need a big handbag, for all of her giant maternity pads and breast pads

Not everyone has the same experience of birth and the immediate aftermath. Just because you needed giant maternity pads and breast pads doesn't mean that every single woman needs the same for the same length of time. If you don't want to go clubbing 6 days post partum then don't. If someone else chooses to that doesn't make it a "terrible idea".

Unless the baby is in the club necking shots why is it any of your business?

Just wondering, would everyone who's said "It's fine, stop judging", think the same if it was a Mother who'd adopted her newborn at birth, and then left them to go out clubbing 6 days later?

I'd say the exact same: I wouldn't do it, I find it strange that anyone would want to, but its not my business if they do.

Lol at big handbag.
Maybe she'll do what I did on my first night out away from my baby- phone home 56 times shouting over the loud music "Is he ok? Do you want me to come home? What? I keep waking him up by ringing the phone? OK I Can't really hear you, I'll phone back.."

And it isnt for you to call me a shit friend

Here we go again, with the "this happened to me, it must be the same for everyone"

Daily mail reading idiots.

A week old baby is the loveliest thing in the world, and I just couldn't have gone "out out" at that stage

See yes they are lovely. But they are also incredibly boring. They dont do much let's face it. Particularly if they are the content kind cos then you don't even really have the hours of crying that at least mean you are doing something.

I think wenjeed to be a bit more honest and understanding here. Maternity leave is long and boring there's only so much cleaning you can do. Partners get what 2 weeks off? All your friends and family are at work. You are basically at home or shopping alone til the baby arrives and then it's more time at home alone while partners go back to work . By the time you have binge watched breaking bad and scrubbed the finish off the floor....

It's ok to decide to break it up a bit. It's ok to be a bit bored and go clubbing with your friends . It's ok to want one evening where you talk to someone and for once they talk back and don't just puke down your neck.

I wonder how many people are at home reasingbthis thread right now wishing they could actually go out but are worried about arbitrary time limits and venue choice judgements to actually just do it.

You're a good friend! You know more than a bunch of know it alls on here.

I went clubbing to an event I'd planned to go to when DS was about 2 weeks old..though he was nearly 6 weeks early, was well looked after by his SCBU nurses and I was chucked out after midnight anyway.

I'ts not something I would of wanted to do had I been in similar circumstances to the OP's friend

And it isnt for you to call me a shit friend

Hey, you started with the judging others thing, don't give it out if you don't want it back!

I've realised that doesn't read how I meant it to

I went clubbing when DS was about 2 weeks old. It was a pre-arranged event and he was nearly 6 weeks early, so was well looked after by his SCBU nurses and I was chucked out after midnight anyway

I wasnt actually judging u just assumed i was all i was enquiring was it 2 soon at 6 days pp and with 2nd degree tear

I think op has remained very measured throughout this discussion actually.
I'd hide this thread now. It will go round in circles. Maybe 19 pages or so.
Lots of detailed responses. Then on the final page an enlightened post like:
what are you like op, are you her Mother
Save yourself '

I found having a new baby utterly tedious. All he did was feed then sleep for 3 hours on repeat all day and night. The house was spotless, I cooked lovely dinners every night and watched a lot of shit tv. I was bored a lot of the time, not because I didn't love my baby, but because I was used to being busy all the time and all of a sudden I had more time on my hands than I'd had for decades. I also wasn't bleeding or leaking milk. Not everyone finds having a newborn an all encompassing experience. I was quite happy leaving my husband looking after the baby for a few hours whilst I went for a coffee/glass of wine/shop. I wouldn't have gone clubbing as that's not my thing but people need to realise that not everyone has the same experience!

I think op has remained very measured throughout this discussion actually

I agree

11 days after my daughter was born it was my birthday. I went clubbing. I thoroughly enjoyed it and do believe I was "shitfaced". Not depressed, not mentally ill, no eating disorder, coping fine after a relatively easy birth. Wanted to go out and enjoy my birthday after a long boring pregnancy.

High five for you TL And .... let me guess? There were no disastrous consequences. You and your daughter were, and are, fine? Well, there you go.

I would assume she likely feels overwhelmed and possibly trapped and wants to get out and do something she did pre baby to feel more like herself. Clubbing probably represents young, free and single friend and she wants to feel that again.

I would be keeping an eye on her as she is likely to be struggling. At 6 days post baby I was still in pyjamas. She's incredibly vulnerale right now if she's thinks so or not. I'm not sure what the answer is but tryign to help rather than judge is definately the way to go.

Just wondering, would everyone who's said "It's fine, stop judging", think the same if it was a Mother who'd adopted her newborn at birth, and then left them to go out clubbing 6 days later?

If the baby was left with a father/co-parent who is just as capable of looking after the newborn, why would that not be fine?

As some others have testified she may be fine and just want to have the freedom of drinking after 9 months pregnant but I would definately make sure you just be aware of any signs that she is struggling.

This 'same experience' comment that keeps coming up.
I think we can all let that go in this case.
The Mother has a 2nd degree tear. She is not unscathed. She has just given birth like a regular female.
I imagine the percentage of women that aren't leaking milk, bleeding and sore after giving birth is minuscule!

Oh FFS. Women are people. Having had a baby does not automatically turn you into a martyr. It may well be that this girl wants to go clubbing to prove to herself that she's still the same person, and good luck to her.
Small babies do just fine as long as a kind, competent person is looking after them, anyway. It doesn't have to be Mum 24/7.

As for you, OP, have you always been an officious, interfering, smug 'friend'? If you don't want to go, don't go, but it is not remotely up to you to stick your beak in and tell her partner not to let her out, or go round bleating to her family that she's 'not bonding' with the baby because she wants to remain a person with some life of her own.

We went and sat in the sunshine, and had pizza and a bottle of wine (and yes I was bfing- but there was lots of expressed milk at the hospital- the nurses had actually suggested this btw!) and it was such

That's hardly the same as going out clubbing and getting pissed though is it?!

Isn't it? Most post natal mums would be pissed on half a bottle of wine! And what difference does it make to a newborn whether it's a picnic or a club? Or is it oh so civilised because of the pizza and the sunshine?

The only relevant thing is that the mum is leaving the baby. At 6 days old and with the other parent I would have no issue with this! What this 25 year old adult woman chooses to do with this time has fuck all to do with everyone else. Nobody knows how much or little she intends to drink and how long she plans to stay out. Lots of assumptions being made!

By all means start a thread in a week about whether you are unreasonable to judge a friend who got drunk, breastfed her baby and then co-slept. But don't make sweeping assumptions about what hasn't happen yet and don't judge a woman for choosing to leave a newborn for a few hours.

MeltorPeltor

Totally agree. I hate clubbing.

I'm a boring lunch and cocktails kind of woman

After the age of 25 I think clubbing is a bit depressing pathetic

Well, I looked like a cross between John Wayne and Worzel Gummidge, for weeks after giving birth. Would not have even thought of clubbing.

Feminism isn't 'ooh women should do whatever they choose'

Broadly speaking, that's exactly what it is