New mum clubbing

[MrsG841]

A friend of mine has just become a first time mum and her LO is 6 days old.

She messaged a few us to organise going clubbing at weekend.

AIBU to think that she shouldnt think about this at such an early stage?

ends up with permanently separated stomach muscles, several hernias, ripped stitches, prolapsed vagina, engorged breasts followed by mastitis

She's going clubbing, I find it highly unlikely that in the space of a few short hours she's going to completely disintegrate into a twitching pile of human goo on the dance floor

By day 6 stitches are reasonably secure and healing is well underway, lochia may have even stopped entirely. I had a second degree tear with DC1 and was DTD at 10 days after as my bleeding had stopped by day 7 or 8. I had sections with my subsequent DC. When DC3 was four days old I went out to the pub, I took him with me, BF'd him with one hand and drank my vodka and coke with the other. I was pootling around the shopping centre at day ten. DC4 was a different kettle of fish because I was really ill after she was born but I was out and about once I got discharged for the second time at ten days post delivery and then I took the DC to a trampoline park when she was 14 days old, the day after being discharged from hospital for a third time (I sat in the cafe and ate brownies while they bounced, was lovely).

I don't like sitting about at home, I much prefer to be out and about so the sooner I can get back to some semblance of my normal activities (or what passes for normal after the addition of a baby) then the sooner I start to feel recovered. I'm not that big into clubbing so it's not my choice of postnatal activity but if she feels that she's up to it then that's her decision and has nothing to do with anyone else.

You would only do zumba or yoga 6 weeks after birth not 6 days

Essie, I remember you from a past thread. You have really been through some very very difficult times that some might be judgemental and harsh about, and yet you come on this thread with an absolute black and white view that at 6 days old a mother shouldn't go clubbing or even doing ANYTHING at all, not even out for a knitting group I think you say. Your view is so hard and based on this idea that at 6 days post birth all mother are bleeding milk leaking wrecks.

Actually 6 days I was in fine fettle. I was in my twenties, awesome pregnancy, easy birth. I could have gone clubbing. No frickin way would I have wanted to!

I do find it odd that clubbing is her choice of release, because let's be honest - pumping music, drunk people etc it's just not in the space that most women are mentally in 6 days post birth. The key word there though is "most". She obcioislt doesn't fall in to that category. I can't relate to it but I'm not going to judge her for it.

I think language is important too. The word clubbing has so many connotation. If she had said that ah really fancied a bit of dancing - it sounds so much more palatable to tender ears.

I could have danced 6 hours after my third, never mind 6 days. With no2 it was more like 6 months!

Everyone is different. If she didn't feel up to it she wouldn't be doing it, would she?

You would only do zumba or yoga 6 weeks after birth not 6 days

No YOU would. Other people are different to you.

You'd go to zoomba?
That would be pretty stupid too!
I've pushed 3 massive babies from my vagina.
I listened to medical experts and have managed to come away unscathed.
If ld attempted something as demanding as dancing -Zoomba or going for a run- ld be grateful if someone had suggested l didn't!
Damage can still be done at this very early stage.
Especially if you decide to drink too.
I have no idea if that is what the woman in question is planning- however posters against, are probably taking that into consideration too!
I'm 46, lots of problems from earlier childbirth/postpartum can start to show up in my age group.
Sometimes from simply 'doing too much'

You are told not to do that kind of exercise by midwives and health visitors until your 6 week sign off !

You'd be grateful?

What for someone telling you as an adult shouldnt be doing or your dp mansplaining your vagina?

If I had concerns id check with a Dr. But even a no and it would still be my decision

She's going clubbing, I find it highly unlikely that in the space of a few short hours she's going to completely disintegrate into a twitching pile of human goo on the dance floor

I do find it odd that clubbing is her choice of release, because let's be honest - pumping music, drunk people etc it's just not in the space that most women are mentally in 6 days post birth. The key word there though is "most". She obcioislt doesn't fall in to that category. I can't relate to it but I'm not going to judge her for it.

Thats a nice, non judgemental way of looking at it.

See, I can relate.

Things like festivals, clubs and raves are my relaxing places.
I love it, the atmosphere, the people, the music, the dancing.

I work in a very busy and noisy pub as well!

I can well imagine that had I felt up to it, I might have left DS for say 4 or 5 hours to get a bit of dancing in. (and he was ebf)

Is there any way her friends and you can be unavailable this weekend so she'll have no one to go with? Rearrange something for a few weeks time?

I did loads in the first few months of my twins lives,including clubbing at 7 weeks. It was all in attempt to prove I was still a party girl and I was also suffering from severe pnd I really didn't know what the fuck was going on in my head. I hated all of it. My twins are 5 now and I enjoy staying at home with them cant remember the last time I was drunk and very rarely go out. I regret that that didn't click sooner and honestly think if I had a newborn now I would act differently (though I know pnd does odd things). That's just me though. If your friend is happy I wouldn't discourage her altogether. She may just genuinely have it all sorted and good luck to her if so!

There might be a problem if her idea of a break is going clubbing and drinking and she refuses to consider other leisure activities suggested by her friends (going to watch a band etc) saying they're boring.

She's probably going to want a "break" every weekend no? Unless she suddenly finds a new hobby that's not "boring".

So that's every weekend going out clubbing, the next day spent recovering/nursing a hangover and leaving her mother to care for her baby. That's when it becomes selfish and irresponsible.

I'm making assumptions of course. I do know some young mums that carry on their party lifestyles and they are able to do this because their mother is picking up all the slack.

I love going out clubbing, having a blow out and not being a mum for a few hours. I wouldn't have done it with a 6 day old baby at home. It's not an essential activity for a mum's well being.

It is her right to make that decision but her friends don't have to approve or pat her on the back.

Is there any way her friends and you can be unavailable this weekend so she'll have no one to go with?

That's awful

giles
My DH is an original feminist.
I wouldn't get stopped by him. If a female friend suggested l didn't / l'd listen.
I'd mainly listen to medics though. I'm sure the majority wouldn't suggest a club in the first two weeks.

You are told not to do that kind of exercise by midwives and health visitors until your 6 week sign off

You are not TOLD anything. You are given suggestions. And plenty of people do exercise long before 6 weeks.

Is there any way her friends and you can be unavailable this weekend so she'll have no one to go with?

If people don't want to go they don't have to, to suggesting people plot behind her back purely to prevent her is just twatty. And not what friends do.

Didn't you get the memo guys. You should be locked away when you've had a kid.
If baby is with dad or family or babysitter what the hecks wrong with it.

A club is my idea of hell and if someone mother or father is regularly out and incapacitated all weekend every weekend and responsibilities are being neglected left right and centre and the person home is left to struggle too much then yes that would be a problem.

But This is one night that hasn't even happened yet and she's an alcoholic neglectful mum causing herself permanent injury and PND and will continue go do so every weekend.

We don't know. Right now it's a new mun.wanting to go out having been growing a baby for 9 months and it just so happens she's choosing a night club over a toddler group.

So what.

bear yeah I know it probably is. But if they all concerned she's going to be such a disaster and don't want to tell another adult what to do its the best I could come up with. Sorry.

And even then it's for the parents to decide what the limits are and what they are happy with.

Not friends and certainly not MN

I also think it unusual she wants to be away from her baby.
This is expected bonding time.
Call me old fashioned, but ld have felt panicked if l couldn't be by my newborn that soon.
Choice is all very well, but if it were my best friend l'd be concerned.
And that is what the original question that was posed.

Have you actually spoken to your friend OP?

If you're so concerned about her and not just being a judgemental cow maybe you should phone her and say that whilst clubbing sounds fun is she sure she's up to it?

Be a friend!

If you go out and she gets tired/sore/fed up you can all go home.

I have said to her that it may be too much so soon after and thats when i offered the pub with live band so she can still have a dance etc but was told that is boring

I wouldn't want to go clubbing whist still bleeding/healing from birth, be it vaginal or caeserean, and boobs swollen with new milk, so I think it's mad but each to their own!

But if they all concerned she's going to be such a disaster

Wtaf?

Where has it been suggested that she might be a "disaster"??

She might get a bit drunk, but so what?

She's spent 9 months growing a baby, with all the sacrifices, sickness and stress that might bring.

Why the fuck shouldn't she let her hair down for a while if she feels up to it?

And no I don't think we can all assume our experiences are being repeated here, whether good or bad, but we can not fucking judge other women for doing what they feel is right at the time, becuse you just don't know whether it's a healthy thing or not.

For some women after the stress of pregnancy, it might be just the thing they need, and we all know any medic in the world will tell you the mothers mental health is really important at this stage, and no one can really judge as to how this mothers reaction is healthy, simply based on their own experiences.

It might be, it might not be, but the assumptions and judgement on this thread are awful.