Wedding and food allergy

[Thedefendant]

I suspect IABU, but asking anyway. Sorry it's long, didn't want to leave anything out!

DH's DB (my BIL) lives in a country the other side of the world from us (though not culturally dissimilar) and talks to DH weekly. He told us of his engagement and wedding date months ago, and as they chat every week, DH let him know we had booked time off, details of flights and that instead of staying with BIL as we usually would, we had booked local accommodation (to give the newlyweds space).

We were a bit surprised to receive a formal invitation in the post - it's not something this family usually does, and it was sent long after we had told them we were coming/flights booked etc. But even though we had told BIL, we returned the RSVP as return address was to future-SILs parents. DS (age 3) has a food allergy & coeliac disease - so tricky but not impossible to manage, which BIL knows about, but as the address was to SILs parents, we wasn't sure who would be dealing with RSvPs so I popped a note in to explain the situation asking if they could let me know if there would be any issues.

Heard nothing for a month (no mention in any of the weekly phone calls) then suddenly I get a message on a social media, signed by both saying "please bring your own food as we don't want to take the risk" . No message or mention to DH. No suggestion of even trying to accommodate DS - but expecting me to sort it all out in a foreign country. I tried to talk to DH about it, but he seems to think BIL is perfectly ok to say that and I'm making a fuss. He refuses to bring the topic up with BIL.

Hands up, I'll admit to being disappointed. DS was easily accommodated at a couple of recent weddings (in the UK) that we went to. I'll even admit to being sensitive about it - it was a struggle to get a diagnosis, and has been an uphill struggle with nursery to make sure the food issues don't exclude him from events (such as cake at birthdays) as he is starting to notice and question why he is treated differently

I know they have no obligation to accommodate us, but can't help the disappointment. Help me see it from their perspective and get over it (but please be kind!)

I am not a fool.

I am aware that people have allergies.

I do detest to the nth degree the fact that the whole world and its mother has to organise their lives around others allergies.

Ditch the anti bac, leave the kids to develop antibodies. Get real here.

Allergies are boring and a fkn pain for everyone who has to observe the rules for you.

Bring your own and shut up. FGS.

It is so boring now.

peanuts are not the only allergy that kills.

You clearly are a fool. You've demonstrated it quite clearly for us all to see.

sodablackcurrant What a vile post. Please don't act like you speak for everyone without allergies. I have none and I have absolutely no problem accommodating friends and family who have them because a) I don't want to see the people I love - or anyone! - come to harm and b) I'm not stupid enough to think allergies are caused by antibacterial gel.

Anyone with such life threatening allergies should have an epipen attached to them or their parents at all times, surely this is obvious.

It is not fair to expect everyone to know, or even accommodate all the allergies around now.

Lots of people have severe illnesses and still go out and enjoy life without constantly harping on about this allergy and that one.

It is attention seeking if you do not research your food source beforehand and/or do not carry your epipen at all times.

Over to you.

Seem to be contradicting yourself and back tracking a huge amount soda

First post "My mother said there was no such thing as allergies in her day. I agree with her.

Are allergies, apart from coeliac and peanut actually real anymore, or are they attention seeking nonsense.

I await the nuclear fallout"

Then "I am aware that people have allergies".

Well anyway, glad you've now admitted people have allergies.

Who the fuck has said they dont carry an epileptic around for their child? Everyone parent I know has about 5 carries then around for their dc. They also have them at school.

You really are very misinformed Soda. Stay around and you might learn something.

Of course people who have allergies always carry an epipen but it doesn't always work! It's not like someone with an allergy can just merrily eat their trigger food so long as they stab themselves in the thigh afterwards!

And yes, it is absolutely reasonable to be expected to attempt to cater for someone's life-threatening allergy when you invite them to dinner and they take the time to make you aware of it. If you don't want to, don't invite them.

It's really not hard.

Soda,I would really bloody love to never speak about allergies again. I would love to go into a restaurant and just be able to order my DS anything off the menu without being "attention seeking"

I'd love to not have to cart a bag full of medications and epipens everywhere DS goes.

I did everything "right", breastfed for 6 months, lived on a farm, had pets, didn't use antibacterial cleaners, but my DS still had life threatening allergies.

So you can get to fuck.

Hear hear!

Sorry to hear about the genuine cases. I know it happens.

I was referring to the attention seeking people who object to everything put in front of them because of this or that allergy.

Was never a problem when we were kids and I don't ever remember any of my schoolmates or neighbours having any reaction to foods, or dying from peanut allergies either.

Different now obviously.

What I would like to know is where all these allergies came from.

Does anyone know, or care.

Are you in glue Soda?

You really are not making any coherent sense.

*on

My cousin is allergic to strawberries and prawns soda. She blistered her mouth and her airway closed up, she carries an epipen.

My friend is allergic to latex, she used normal condoms once. Just one. Luckily no epipen was needed but it was bad.

We are going to a catered event at the weekend.
The menu states they can cope with 1 food allergy but not more than 1.
So they probably have for example gluten free cake but it's made with almond meal instead of flour.
So coeliac plus nut allergy they cannot cater for.
For us it means we have to avoid anything gluten free as it more than likely contains nuts.

Their caterer more than likely has a set menu and a couple of alternatives and does not deviate from that. Also many caterers will not guarantee 'free from traces', which you might think is fine but hearing that can be alarming for third parties trying to cater on your behalf.

So I think they are just being very cautious and not wanting anything to happen to your ds that they would feel responsible for.

If it's Au, don't bring food through customs. It's a pain and massively slows you up.
Food here is very similar to the uk although brands vary and supermarkets are badly organised. (Logic behind the location of eggs is mystifying)
There is generally a good selection in the 'free from' aisle.

When someone tells you that you are on glue or not making sense, or some other insult.

you can be sure that you are hitting the spot.

So you admit you are just trolling?

My mother said there was no such thing as allergies in her day. I agree with her

You're a tit, and so's your mother.

oh Kitty,

Where was I trolling please. I thought troll hunters were not welcome here ho hum.

There is too much of this going on here. I said my piece, it is up to others to refute it.

The OP should bring a box for the 3 yr old child and s/he will be absolutely sure there are no allergens in there. Why should a venue be responsible for a reaction from a child.

I said this before. Have a look back.

Is that ok for you.

@sodablackcurrant We have refuted it. About a dozen times.

toosexyforashirt

Two tits thanks god. Many others have either one or none due to Breast Cancer.

Not a nice thing to say.

But what can one expect here.

Do fuck off Soda. You're a goady fucker and have just admitted it.

Are allergies, apart from coeliac and peanut actually real anymore, or are they attention seeking nonsense.

My cheese allergy has put me in ICU more times than care to think about (my mother has never accommodated it, thinks it's attention seeking etc and any why should the twins not have cheese - they used to throw food at me - and so on). My children have had to be trained in the use of my epi kit, both have taken the required action to keep me alive.

I wish it was nonsense, I wish my dc hadn't been faced with that responsibility and I wish I didn't have to manage a life threatening allergy...but it is what it is. Your attitude is not only offensive, it's dangerous!

peachgreen

Are you agreed that OP should bring his/her own pack for the little child?

No worries then about contamination/allergic responses from a third party (the catererers). I would, as I said earlier in the thread before I was lit upon!

Just wondered. Thank you.

Have we settled down now, and realised that responses should be calm and considered or what?

The anger here is unreal. What the actual F are your ishoos? Issues in case you think I am an uneducated neanderthal.