AIBU to think OH is either being a dick or having an affair?

[Ahardyfool]

Point 2 is unlikely but never impossible.
I needed to call him to ask about an Ocado order (how mundane).
We have the Life360 app which tracks where our family circle is at any time and it's real time and also sends a message when anyone leaves home or gets home. It's useful to know when people are arriving back for various things like mealtime planning but I don't watch it like a hawk. Sometimes I'll acknowledge that OH or DD have left home or college and if I need an ETA I might physically and specifically check location. Other than that, not much though given.
OH hadn't realised that his every move was tracked and started moaning about this last week and I didn't give it any thought because it wasn't important at the time.
I just went to see when he's due back as I'm cooking and also doing the Ocado order with my free hand and he's travelling from two counties away today and saw his location was not known. I was going to ask him for our £15 off voucher order and checkout the delivery. So I called him and got that info but also asked if he's logged out of Life360. He's said he deleted the app entirely as he's not comfortable.

I said "I'm not the Government FFS" and then after mutual huffing talked about other stuff and then stirred my rice.

aibu to think he's being really precious or having an affair. The affair bit is tonguw in cheek but then I thought well, he could actually be.

Irritated either way.

Id have no issue with it because we have nothing to hide and i know we'd only use it if necessary

I think the problem with installing this app is precisely when one of you decides that it is too much and wants to uninstall it, inevitably the other one thinks there is something up. Just like in the early days of my relationship with my ex when he wanted me to cancel friends to spend more time with him. I thought it was romantic but after a while, when I really wanted to see my friends he was sure that meant there was a problem in our relationship.

My husband simply sends me a text that says "on my way" when he is leaving work. How hard is that?

I'd hate a tracking app. Not that I do anything worth tracking, it's just so intrusive.

I get irritated when DH looks at the joint account statement and says "why did you spend £40 in Asda on Thursday??" - could not bear bring tracked, I'd feel so claustrophobic.

I don't like these apps. Really wouldn't worry OP. I will however be using the phrase 'and then stirred my rice' .

In my current relationship id have no issue really but don't see the need. We can tell each other if we're going to be late Although we'd either wait till We are all home. Or one of us has a cold dinner.

However, in previous relationship would have been a nightmare and stalking would have been in a new level. Would be "why are you in Starbucks, I thought you didn't want to primark, why you in boots AND the body shop an on and on. I never cheated either.

Either you "helpfully" installed this app on his phone for him and didn't explain properly what it was, or you asked him to get it and again, didn't explain what it was, and he's done it to keep you happy and never bothered looking at it himself so never realised what it did.
Your husband had no idea you could track exactly where he was at absolutely any time, and was horrified by it when he found out.
It's the spousal equivalent of slapping an ankle monitor on him, you're treating him like a child or worse, like property you own.

You sound like you don't trust him. You're making this into being a huge deal like he's hiding something by deleting the app. The fact one of your first thoughts was "he might be having an affair" and you have repeated that in a "jokey" or "tongue in cheek" way in your title and post. That suggests it isn't a jokey suggestion at all, you actually think he might be because he won't consent to you being able to check up on him any time you want. If he got home late and had to reheat his dinner it wouldn't be the end of the world, or even really any kind of inconvenience. He's an adult, he's perfectly capable of using a microwave or getting himself something else to eat.

You are being indescribably unreasonable to be "irritated" at him deleting an app you don't need for an adult, and even moreso for jumping straight to "Well maybe he's having/planning an affair" for not wanting to be watched all the time.

This particular app is at times very inaccurate. My brother showed as being in Bangkok recently when in actual fact he was just outside Glasgow

With android phones now you can get "trusted contacts" and request the location of your partner really easily. I use it if I expect my boyfriend is driving and just request his location rather than call him. If he doesn't respond to the request within five minutes it shares his location. Otherwise he can choose to refuse the request.

It works well for us. Maybe less intrusive than the app you mentioned in that I can't always see where he is and he gets to choose whether to refuse the request.

OP your OH said he didn't realise his every move was being tracked and once he did he deleted it, so what, it made him feel uncomfortable that should be a non issue. A bit like when you read the small print and change your mind about something that sounded like a good idea at the time.

I have nothing to hide but would delete an app, why would anyone want to track anyone else? My colleague does this with his wife and adult son, I find it creepy and intrusive. I've never checked up on any of my family's location and if I'm making dinner I either give a time or text what time will you be in or what time are we eating?

I don't even share my location and as I'm the type of person to leave my phone in my bag/car/desk on silent then there is no point in tracking me. I really don't need to know my OHs whereabouts at various times of the day. How did people mange to cook a meal, meet up somewhere, find a lost partner, make sure someone was safe before phones?

Having said all that I agree that because children have phones so young these days it is a good idea for a parent to be able to tag them, and as I am knocking on a bit in years I'm going to ask the younger generation in our office if its something they commonly have.

Oh and I don't think your OH is being a dick or having an affair.

Anybody else thinking this is all a bit " Black Mirror"?! Technology rendering us incapable of deciding when to cook a meal! Or is " so I know when to start tea" codespeak for " so I know you're not shagging Janice from Accounts"?!

@Fruitcocktail6 Journey times can vary hugely when you're travelling a long distance, and I'd have to pull over and text that I'm x mins away from home and will dinner be ready. Nothing wrong with this per se, other than becoming that arse who is expecting my dinner ready for me where as currently it's a nice surprise and no big deal if he hasn't had a chance to sort anything.

Of course it's not essential, but that could be said about all modern technology, cloud storage of music, GPS mapping, smart phones in general, washing machines etc but the point of all new technology should be to make life easier.

If someone thinks their partner is stalking them, that isn't a problem with the technology but your partner - and in that case it's probably correct that you don't share your location.

As for checking the Joint Account and challenging spends - unless money is tight and there's history of mismanagement, wow, just wow!

He isnt being a dick or having an affair.

He realised he felt uncomfortable when you used the app.

I would not tolerate this. I can see how it helps with the kids and we have it set on dds phone. But she isnt an adult.

Dh worka from homenand cooks dinner every night. We get round the dinner issue. Its easy. I text 'on my way' as i walk to the car.

If dh wants to know something he texts me. Its quite easy. If i dont answer for a while he assumes i cant as i am working. There has never been an absolute need to know where i am.

Not sure why people are being so aggressive about people who have the app. No one is suggesting you get the app if you don't want it!

People are judging people with the app because it's uneccessary, invasive and at worst controlling.

The only person I know who uses this has an abusive and controlling husband.

Can't see the issue with using a location app myself. I use find my iPhone to find where DH has left his phone mostly but I'll track him if he's out getting a takeaway and the kids are nagging how long he'll be. He has no issue with it either but is more inclined to ring me because he can't be bothered logging into the app. My life is an open book when it comes to my dh and kids and I'm not bothered if they go through my bag, phone or iPad, even my bedroom is fair game if someone's looking for something.

Interestingly, the person I know who is obsessed with the app has recently been left by his wife, on the grounds that he was controlling during the marriage. I imagine she was not allowed to turn it off, either.

I am absolutely shocked that an app like this exists!

I can't believe that anyone would agree to
be tracked like this. My friend was the victim of horrible domestic abuse and when she eventually went to the police they used the fact that her husband had installed a tracker on her phone as part of the evidence to prosecute him.

I would absolutely hate anyone tracking me. I value my privacy and wouldn't install anything like this.

And as for using it so that you can time dinner? I've never had any problem in planning meals and having them ready.

I know a couple who use a tracker, but I've long had my suspicions that the husband is controlling.

I can see that there are some good uses for a tracker/app, as in the hiking, running, etc scenarios, but you'd all have to agree to be using it, it's not fair otherwise.

I'm another poster who would hate this App. I wouldn't be comfortable being able to be tracked. DH hasn't got a smart phone anyway.

"The only person I know who uses this has an abusive and controlling husband"

Well you now know many other people, on this thread, who have it and none of those, including myself, have controlling relationship.

These apps are used by millions of people, all around the world, they have their uses, which have absolutley nothing to do with control.

Forgot to say. DD3:is 25;and Dyspraxic. She had to travel a long way across the country the other day for an interview. I know she would hate to be tracked . I just trusted her to get there. Her phone had died before she got back anyway.
I think my anxiety would actually be worse if I tracked her and found she wasn't where I thought she was supposed to be

What are these uses then?

I have the find my friends app, and, like the OP, use it mainly to see when my OH has left the office and/or got to Paddington. I can then work out when he'I'll be home and if I can wait til then before eating!

I find it REALLY annoying when he texts me to ask where I am, when all he has to do is check the app. (That might sound out of proportion but it just stinks of his usual laziness to ask me where something is before he even looks for it first himself.)

In fact, I wish I could label everything in the house with some sort of tag so he could use 'find my friends' to find the remote/milk/ passport/pad/whatever else he hasn't yet looked for but asks me for info on too!!

I wouldn't want to be tracked all the time. Fortunately, neither does my wife.