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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think OH is either being a dick or having an affair?

228 replies

Ahardyfool · 19/07/2017 20:03

Point 2 is unlikely but never impossible.
I needed to call him to ask about an Ocado order (how mundane).
We have the Life360 app which tracks where our family circle is at any time and it's real time and also sends a message when anyone leaves home or gets home. It's useful to know when people are arriving back for various things like mealtime planning but I don't watch it like a hawk. Sometimes I'll acknowledge that OH or DD have left home or college and if I need an ETA I might physically and specifically check location. Other than that, not much though given.
OH hadn't realised that his every move was tracked and started moaning about this last week and I didn't give it any thought because it wasn't important at the time.
I just went to see when he's due back as I'm cooking and also doing the Ocado order with my free hand and he's travelling from two counties away today and saw his location was not known. I was going to ask him for our £15 off voucher order and checkout the delivery. So I called him and got that info but also asked if he's logged out of Life360. He's said he deleted the app entirely as he's not comfortable.

I said "I'm not the Government FFS" and then after mutual huffing talked about other stuff and then stirred my rice.

aibu to think he's being really precious or having an affair. The affair bit is tonguw in cheek but then I thought well, he could actually be.

Irritated either way.

OP posts:
MyPepper · 19/07/2017 21:26

Re not wa ting it anymore, I suspect that because he actually realised what you could do with it and whatbthe OP is using it for.
I would have done exactely the same.

Botanicbaby · 19/07/2017 21:26

Isn't your DH allowed to change his mind? Perhaps he agreed at first then reality hit him. I think most adults would hate this app.

My friend uses a similar app for her 3 children under 12 living in a large city, she's the only parent so I can understand the peace of mind. But in your case, nah. Not even for teenagers let alone your poor DH.

DixieNormas · 19/07/2017 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Ahardyfool · 19/07/2017 21:29

Ha! I wish!!! We both work full time and have several children between us so such a small amount of time. I fall asleep in the sofa unless OH drags me upstairs before I conk out and we have two children with SEN so life is hard work and another reason why he knows I don't have time to check his whereabouts aimlessly and only for an actual reason.

OP posts:
IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 19/07/2017 21:29

"Genuine question - do any of the people on here who have this app have jobs, or are you housewives? I have this image of the OP and the others who have this app obsessing over their DH's every move because they're bored at home and don't have enough to do. With two working people, I don't imagine there would be enough time to be so fixated on the whereabouts of your partner."

Your post is so pathetic it doesn't warrant a proper answer.

chopin33 · 19/07/2017 21:29

What a hideous idea Yabu

Original poster
Ahardyfool · 19/07/2017 21:29

This is the most likely and rational explanation. I will ask him when I go downstairs in a mo.

OP posts:
Justwondering1 · 19/07/2017 21:29

I am a SAHM and am far too busy to track my partner's every move! I just use the app to

a) check whether my 12 yr old DD is safely on her way home
b)check whether my DH has been delayed coming home in a way that affects my meal planning

Other than that its pretty meaninglesss.

BloodWorries · 19/07/2017 21:30

I use find my iPhone with DP. We both mainly use it for it's actual purpose, when we put our phones (or iPads) down somewhere and can't find them. But I'm terrible at directions and DP isn't much better so I've used it many times when I'm supposed to be picking him up from a night out or similar. It's great, load app, tap on DP's phone, tap on directions and I'm on my way.
It's also great if I'm trying to direct DP to come collect me in an area he's not familiar with, or making sure he's actually set off when he needs to so I'm not stood outside a pub at night on my own.
I'm not sure if he's actually used it for anything other than finding a lost device, but he could load it 100 times a day (must be bloody board to do that) and I wouldn't care.

I've used it before too when DP has called me, stressing he's lost in an unfamiliar city. I was able to help him find his way. Really he could of done it all himself, but knowing I was there during what was a bit of a panic was the only thing keeping him calm.
I imagine it would be great for preteens and teens in the same situation.

Yes these might be crap excuses/reasons, but it's little things that just make some situations easier. That's what all the best apps are for isn't it?

Original poster
Ahardyfool · 19/07/2017 21:31

We both (OH and I) agree it's needed for two of the DC. This is the only way we can allow one of them the freedom they do have as previously we've had major incidents with one of them. Sad

OP posts:
apostropheuse · 19/07/2017 21:32

Showing my age here, but I can't get Number Six running away from a big bouncing beach ball out of my head.

gingergenius · 19/07/2017 21:32

@IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday then why bother with your reply??? Here, have a Biscuit

PenguinOfDoom · 19/07/2017 21:36

Not wanting an app which tracks your every move isn't indicative of being up to something.

I can 100% guarantee that neither DH or I are doing anything suspicious, yet neither of of would be happy knowing the other was watching our every move. DH is a bit of a gadget nut and wanted to put Nest cameras in our kitchen and living room just because. I refused because I felt it was overly intrusive and I didn't like the idea that he could, if he chose, log in and watch me watching TV or cooking if he was away, and vice versa, for that matter. He saw my point and didn't install them.

Your issue is that you think him not wanting to be monitored night and day is suspicious and you think if nothing was wrong, he would be fine with it. Well, I don't want to be monitored night and day, and I'm not cheating.

Botanicbaby · 19/07/2017 21:37

"Families! are you sick of eating cold rice for dinner every night? Meal planning becoming impossible? Why not download this perfect app"...

Maryz · 19/07/2017 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 19/07/2017 21:39

ginger thank you, I like a jammy dodger.

ShastaBeast · 19/07/2017 21:40

I hate the idea of tracking DH but he prefers it so we have a similar app. He's rubbish at texting and we have to coordinate for childcare. I don't really like being tracked but have nothing to hide, I just prefer he doesn't know I had cocktails on the south bank or whatever.

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 19/07/2017 21:42

This is why so many people think all this bloody technology make us miserable.

The intentions behind the app have been done to death and I think a little unfairly, as by the sound of it this want exactly imposed upon him.

Personally I don't think you should ruminate over his infidelity because he deleted an app. It would take at least a couple of surreptitious texts or something out of character to make me think that.

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 19/07/2017 21:42
  • Wasn't not want.
Hunted68 · 19/07/2017 21:43

Tracking someone is weird full stop. I would delete it too

kmc1111 · 19/07/2017 21:43

Off the top of my head I can think of dozens of ways to get around the tracking aspect and make it look like I'm somewhere I should be when I'm anything but, so there's really no reason to delete the app if you're having an affair. You could manage it just fine with the app. In fact, I expect a lot of cheaters love it. Very easy to leave your phone somewhere/with someone to create 'proof' you're somewhere you're not.

I really don't understand all the comments about organising dinner. Unless you're making soufflé every night of the week it's not that hard surely? Anything that cooks for a while is fine being warmed for 30+ minutes while someone's stuck in traffic, anything that would be ruined by sitting around for a little while or getting nuked for a minute can be cooked quickly when everyone's home.

Maryz · 19/07/2017 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 19/07/2017 21:47

@IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday that's a bit rum.
I don't have a job and I'm looking after our kids all day. I'd love to know what bored means, I can't even go to the loo in peace or drink a hot cup of tea. I realised today I was so tired and harassed I'd worn the same pair of knickers two days running and felt hideous. I also accidentally brushed my teeth with a toddler shark toothbrush this morning.
And I definitely not have that app.

tangledup123 · 19/07/2017 21:47

I'm confused how it's gone from:

OH hadn't realised that his every move was tracked

to:

He knew because he also joined me in persuading teenage children of the family to install it!

Not that it really matters either way. Either he never knowingly consented to being tracked or he tried it then changed his mind. Whichever is true, he doesn't need to give you a good reason for removing the tracker.

indigox · 19/07/2017 21:50

I love how anyone who justifies these apps always uses the "I just want to see when they're going to be home without calling so I can make dinner" excuse.

There's no way I'd have this app.