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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think OH is either being a dick or having an affair?

228 replies

Ahardyfool · 19/07/2017 20:03

Point 2 is unlikely but never impossible.
I needed to call him to ask about an Ocado order (how mundane).
We have the Life360 app which tracks where our family circle is at any time and it's real time and also sends a message when anyone leaves home or gets home. It's useful to know when people are arriving back for various things like mealtime planning but I don't watch it like a hawk. Sometimes I'll acknowledge that OH or DD have left home or college and if I need an ETA I might physically and specifically check location. Other than that, not much though given.
OH hadn't realised that his every move was tracked and started moaning about this last week and I didn't give it any thought because it wasn't important at the time.
I just went to see when he's due back as I'm cooking and also doing the Ocado order with my free hand and he's travelling from two counties away today and saw his location was not known. I was going to ask him for our £15 off voucher order and checkout the delivery. So I called him and got that info but also asked if he's logged out of Life360. He's said he deleted the app entirely as he's not comfortable.

I said "I'm not the Government FFS" and then after mutual huffing talked about other stuff and then stirred my rice.

aibu to think he's being really precious or having an affair. The affair bit is tonguw in cheek but then I thought well, he could actually be.

Irritated either way.

OP posts:
flippychick · 19/07/2017 21:50

We use Find My Friends - I fully trust my partner and he fully trusts me.

I travel a lot, and he will occasionally check where I am to check i'm safe (usually when there's an incident in the city I'm in) or to get dinner ready at the right time. I occasionally check his status when he's on the way home - he walks past a particularly nice shop, so if he hasn't got that far yet I'll make a request for a few items, or if he is nearer I'll put the kettle on.

Neither of us are controlling arses, so don't use it for anything sinister.

gingergenius · 19/07/2017 21:52

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday you're welcome!!! 🍷

Fruitcocktail6 · 19/07/2017 21:53

So people actually plan dinner to be ready the moment husband gets in from work? Is this the 1950s?

FWIW, DP and I manage to eat dinner every night together, we don't have a trackers app or, shock horror, a microwave 😱

GrumpySausage · 19/07/2017 21:55

@harshbuttrue1980 you clearly didn't read my post which mentioned my long commute. I work. And even if I didn't work I'd hardly have time to be a bored housewife. SAHM is a pretty hard job too.

Maybe read things fully before assuming?

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 19/07/2017 22:01

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness you misunderstood my post, I was quoting the delightful comment made by another posterGrin

BewareOfDragons · 19/07/2017 22:04

Hell, I actually asked my DH to put something similar on my phone so he could tell me where I was when I was worried about getting lost! Also came in handy when the car broke down on a major road at night and I had the children ... he came for us!

wherearemymarbles · 19/07/2017 22:04

We find a friend on our phones Has its uses. Could'nt care less about it.

flippychick · 19/07/2017 22:05

So people actually plan dinner to be ready the moment husband gets in from work? Is this the 1950s?

God no, but when I walk in through the door at 9pm** having been away for 3 days and after a 4 hour drive it's lovely that he's got a meal and glass of wine waiting.

Original poster
Ahardyfool · 19/07/2017 22:06

He's a half listener. He managed to have a whole conversation with me about the app. Another several conversations with DC about it, look with me at where DD was in New York, download the app and all the flipping instructions to set up his user account and then suddenly have the epiphany that yes he was being tracked. Anyway, it's over with now. Me and the children will use it and if he moans at any point about me not rescuing him or having hot food then slightly tough.

OP posts:
Delancy · 19/07/2017 22:06

FGS, why is everyone so paranoid about an incredibly useful and practical free app?
Myself and DH have this and sometimes I use it, sometimes he does and its always for a practical reason, not because we're bored, and I couldn't give a fig when he checks on me or not.

Why on earth would I?
I don't flatter myself that I'm someone special.

I use it for example when I know he's driving and I want to know when he'll be back and don't want to have a text conversation asking where he is when his hands should be on the wheel.
Loads of other practical reasons. Meeting up in the shopping centre when he or I are with the kids, we can find each other without having a long descriptive phone conversation when we need to keep an eye kids don't run off, wreck the shop, wet themselves, etc. Sometimes he needs to pick up kids from school and sometimes he forgets, etc.

We are showing our age. Doubt our kids generation will have problems with apps this like. This thread should be kept for posterity as a sign of times gone by, they will be amused by how old-fashioned we sound.

I suspect OP's DH was unsure and mentioned it to a friend/colleague and they had the shocked paranoid response given above, so he deleted it.
Unfortunately, its usually not the man's responsibility to take care of all the practical matters with the family and home, so its no skin off his nose, but a real PITA for the OP.

KoalaDownUnder · 19/07/2017 22:06

I have a friend who always asks me to turn on 'Share my Location' when I'm on the way to meet him.

Nope. Not even for 5 minutes. It makes me shudder.

There's no way you'd get me to install this app. No way.

MaidOfStars · 19/07/2017 22:11

The app is weird. I'd never consent to it.

However, for the bikers, hikers and runners, Strava Premium lets you share your route in real time with a nominated safety contact. Always useful so they can determine which ditch you fell into.

gingergenius · 19/07/2017 22:12

@IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday I owe you an apology. I completely misread your post and thought you were being a GF. Sorry.
Can I have my jammy dodger back please???

Fruitcocktail6 · 19/07/2017 22:14

flippychick

Of course! But that doesn't require an app, surely?

GrumpySausage · 19/07/2017 22:19

@MaidOfStars that's useful thank you. My dh is a big strava user so I could use that.

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 19/07/2017 22:23

@IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday well in that case I shall proffer an apology have my rum back. Though as I'm pregnant it's useless so keep it and enjoy!

Nicknacky · 19/07/2017 22:33

How on wrath dis people plan meal times before these apps were introduced? People are making out as if it is a necessity!!

gingergenius · 19/07/2017 22:35

@Ginlinessisnexttogodliness if @IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday doesn't want it, can I have it? I'll swap it for the jammy dodger?

Nefer795 · 19/07/2017 22:37

I've never thought twice about using this. DH and I both work full time but his hours are very erratic and he is useless at texting to say he's leaving. Even when he remembers, he often gets home before the text turns up. Rural mobile signals......grrrr. We originally set up Life 360 so I could find DH when he got lost (not much sense of direction) but now it's just an easy way to plan meal times. Also makes it easy to meet up if we go out straight from work. It's honestly never occurred to either of us to feel it's controlling. Actually feels like a low-key, easy way to keep in touch. I'm planning on asking my mum to install it next time she comes to visit so I can help her if she gets lost on the way again. She hasn't got the hang of maps on her phone.
I think it's up to people to decide for themselves - clearly from the responses this app is not for everyone but I also don't think that makes it creepy or wrong. I guess it suits some relationships and not others Smile

Nicknacky · 19/07/2017 22:38

What went wrong with my post lol?! Is should read "how on earth did"

wherearemymarbles · 19/07/2017 23:27

The other useful thing about find iphone etc is that if it gets lost or stolen your partner etc can kill it.

Not sure about all the angst. I ride a motorbike, if i am out my wife can work out when ill be back if needed or if i am sticking out of a hedge...

Jellybellyqueen · 19/07/2017 23:33

I love how anyone who justifies these apps always uses the "I just want to see when they're going to be home without calling so I can make dinner" excuse.
Could it be because this is actually how they use them? Hmm
Another one with OH on a long commute by bike. It does make life easier and is reassuring if he's noticeable later than usual due to accidents etc. Don't see why ppl think it's stalking.

GreeboIsACutePussPuss · 20/07/2017 00:02

I would delete it because I will occasionally leave my phone on silent and just disappear for 15 minutes after work, I'm not doing anything DH can't know about, I just don't want to talk to anyone, I even put my headphones on with nothing playing so strangers won't try to start conversations (I work with SN kids, it's pretty full on and the break lets me relax before i get home to my DC)

Could it be just that he thought he was installing it for you to use in emergencies and didn't realise you planned to use it as much as you do?

thekillers · 20/07/2017 00:23

Stalker like behaviour OP and totally not on to track anyone.

BeachyKeen · 20/07/2017 02:29

I do love to be off the grid, I live in Canada and we have an awful lot of wild space, where I spend most of my time.
I go to remote beaches that are only accessible at low tide, or out on islands. As in, no one is driving to get me, sort of places.
I don't worry about what dh gets up to, he is in the Navy and is sometimes gone for 8 months at a time. There are men and women on the ship; if I was the paranoid type , our marriage wouldn't last.