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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think OH is either being a dick or having an affair?

228 replies

Ahardyfool · 19/07/2017 20:03

Point 2 is unlikely but never impossible.
I needed to call him to ask about an Ocado order (how mundane).
We have the Life360 app which tracks where our family circle is at any time and it's real time and also sends a message when anyone leaves home or gets home. It's useful to know when people are arriving back for various things like mealtime planning but I don't watch it like a hawk. Sometimes I'll acknowledge that OH or DD have left home or college and if I need an ETA I might physically and specifically check location. Other than that, not much though given.
OH hadn't realised that his every move was tracked and started moaning about this last week and I didn't give it any thought because it wasn't important at the time.
I just went to see when he's due back as I'm cooking and also doing the Ocado order with my free hand and he's travelling from two counties away today and saw his location was not known. I was going to ask him for our £15 off voucher order and checkout the delivery. So I called him and got that info but also asked if he's logged out of Life360. He's said he deleted the app entirely as he's not comfortable.

I said "I'm not the Government FFS" and then after mutual huffing talked about other stuff and then stirred my rice.

aibu to think he's being really precious or having an affair. The affair bit is tonguw in cheek but then I thought well, he could actually be.

Irritated either way.

OP posts:

Guepe · 19/07/2017 20:18

YABVU. How creepy!

EllaHen · 19/07/2017 20:18

I know someone who's husband tracks her. She leaves her phone in her car near say a friend's house and goes off to her rendezvous. If you are a cheat and know you are being tracked ... well, it's not hard to get round.

MTBMummy · 19/07/2017 20:19

I'm surprised by the number of people against this app, DP and I both can and do track each other's phones. There's nothing sinister in it, we use it for checking when to start dinner, if he's going to be home in time to take DD to an activity, if not I have to take both via bike, when to put the kettle on (most important use) but we also both do activities on our own that should something go wrong we could end up in the middle of no where potentially unconscious.

I don't have the time nor the desire to watch it constantly, nor does DP, but I wouldn't dream of getting rid of it

OnionKnight · 19/07/2017 20:19

*We have that app because OH shagged someone when he said he was somewhere else.

HTH.*

How the fuck does that help?

RainbowPastel · 19/07/2017 20:20

You sound seriously controlling. There is no way I would allow this app.

mygorgeousmilo · 19/07/2017 20:20

No way would I have that app, and I wouldn't suggest it for my husband either. I'm also not having an affair. I don't really get the need, I'm not a fifties housewife, panicking if the dinner isn't piping hot on the table the second he walks in the door. Weird app. Weird reason to have it.

Writerwannabe83 · 19/07/2017 20:20

An App that tracks the family?

I find that really, really creepy.

Using an App to track people's movements is really not normal.

You get messages when someone leaves or enters the house? It's creepy as hell and there's no way I'd tolerate it.

GrumpySausage · 19/07/2017 20:21

OP I've got this app with my dh and it works well for us. My dh often goes riding in remote locations and is a bigger for responding to texts so I check it to make sure he is alive/moved recently. My dh also checks it as I have a long commute and no hands free in my car and he, like you can, get an ETA for tea. You know what works for you and your family.

However if my DH said he didn't want it on his phone, I'd respect that. I would however start to wonder why the sudden refusal if he already happily agreed?

GirlOnATrainToShite · 19/07/2017 20:22

I am just saying we have it because of a massive trust issue.

I can't imagine why else you would have it or agree to have it and then want to delete it.

TheDowagerCuntess · 19/07/2017 20:23

We have that app because OH shagged someone when he said he was somewhere else.

I don't think you can legitimately call someone who cheats on you, your 'other half'.

In these circumstances, break up is usually the wiser option, over tracker app.

SheldonsSpot · 19/07/2017 20:23

Both DH and I manage to plan mealtimes and serve up delicious hot food without tracking each other's phones. And if members of our family aren't home for tea and have to reheat their portion, it's really no big deal.

Creepy as hell with the flimsiest of excuses for "tracking" him.

tangledup123 · 19/07/2017 20:23

This has to be a joke right? You've been secretly tracking/spying on your partner and he's being a dick because he wants you to stop? If the genders were reversed you'd be told to leave your controlling abusive boyfriend.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 19/07/2017 20:24

You put a tracker in your husbands phone without his consent then think he's being weird deleting it when he finds out?

Wow

cricketballs · 19/07/2017 20:24

Very weird there is no way I would have that app (although it would just prove my boring existence!)

Bythebeach · 19/07/2017 20:24

I have this type of tracker. DH and eldest DS are trackable and all agreed to it. DH because he commutes long distances and has very variable work end times and it's handy to see whether he's 30 mins/1 hour/2hours from home when I'm planning food/kids/bed. Also I do enjoy tracking him in different European cities...it seems funny glancing where he is andcseeing he's x hundred miles away in x street in Copenhagen or whatever!
DS is tracked because he is 12 and pretty dopey and never hears/answers his phone but if he doesn't arrive home as expected I can see he is on the way/waiting to be collected despite prior different agreement. I can go days without checking either and no one minded it being set up.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/07/2017 20:24

That app is creepy and totally outrageous. I would never allow myself to be tracked like that. Your husband is an adult, not a criminal in need of a tracking bracelet, ffs.

cuirderussie · 19/07/2017 20:25

No. Weird. I would hate it and I'm not having an affair and my movements are fairly predictable. If I'm going to be a bit late or early I let dh know out of courtesy and same with him. If either of us was having an affair I don't see how we couldn't get round a tracking device somehow

BeachyKeen · 19/07/2017 20:25

Dh and I have something similar on our phone, but I am happy with it . At the first I was creeper, until dh showed how it would help us. It has been a lifesaver when I have been driving and got lost, he was able to look me up, find a route home, and talk me through it over the Bluetooth. I had no where safe to stop and very little data left, so it helped a lot.
For us the, the main thing is that I go off trail , back of beyond, hiking and I am super accident prone. If anything were to happen to me in the back country , he would be able to find me. I often go on spontaneous excursions, and have been injured/stranded before.
I also can't hear my phone well when I am at the beach, so I miss calls. He can check and see if I am still there, so he knows to start on making supper

Original poster

Ahardyfool · 19/07/2017 20:25

Essentially what grumpysausage just said. It wasn't secretly added.

OP posts:

Guepe · 19/07/2017 20:25

However if my DH said he didn't want it on his phone, I'd respect that. I would however start to wonder why the sudden refusal if he already happily agreed?
It's apparent from the OP that he didn't initially realise that the App was tracking his movements. Now that he's realised, he seems to be of the view of the overwhelming majority; that it's creepy and unnecessary.

unwantedwoman · 19/07/2017 20:25

I wouldn't have this on constantly.

Oh and I have a deal that if either of us is driving a lot that day or driving a long distance we'll turn on 'find my friends' so if need be, we can check each other's progress due to not using mobiles whilst driving.

But otherwise no.

AnyFucker · 19/07/2017 20:26

I would delete the whole shebang. Including you.

Piratesandpants · 19/07/2017 20:27

I would not tolerate a tracker device! Even if it was used in the way you describe, I would hate feeling that I had to 'explain myself' if I made some unexpected or out of routine trips.

JaneEyre70 · 19/07/2017 20:27

Buy yourself a microwave OP so you can reheat anyone's tea if they are late, and save yourself all this stress. Tracking your partner let alone cooking around their arrival at home is seriously weird .

kali110 · 19/07/2017 20:28

Not a chance would i have this app.
I wouldn't make my dh have it either.
We don't control each others moves.
Don't blame him for deleting it.

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