Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think OH is either being a dick or having an affair?

228 replies

Ahardyfool · 19/07/2017 20:03

Point 2 is unlikely but never impossible.
I needed to call him to ask about an Ocado order (how mundane).
We have the Life360 app which tracks where our family circle is at any time and it's real time and also sends a message when anyone leaves home or gets home. It's useful to know when people are arriving back for various things like mealtime planning but I don't watch it like a hawk. Sometimes I'll acknowledge that OH or DD have left home or college and if I need an ETA I might physically and specifically check location. Other than that, not much though given.
OH hadn't realised that his every move was tracked and started moaning about this last week and I didn't give it any thought because it wasn't important at the time.
I just went to see when he's due back as I'm cooking and also doing the Ocado order with my free hand and he's travelling from two counties away today and saw his location was not known. I was going to ask him for our £15 off voucher order and checkout the delivery. So I called him and got that info but also asked if he's logged out of Life360. He's said he deleted the app entirely as he's not comfortable.

I said "I'm not the Government FFS" and then after mutual huffing talked about other stuff and then stirred my rice.

aibu to think he's being really precious or having an affair. The affair bit is tonguw in cheek but then I thought well, he could actually be.

Irritated either way.

OP posts:
darceybussell · 19/07/2017 20:28

My DH and I have something similar, neither of us have a problem with it, it's useful sometimes to see what time people will be home and my DH got fed up of ringing me to ask if I'd left work yet.

We both log onto it occasionally to see whether the other one is home yet - neither of us has a problem with it, neither of us is a stalker, neither of us feel like our privacy has been invaded. Not sure why so many people have expressed such horror!

Guepe · 19/07/2017 20:29

Essentially what grumpysausage just said. It wasn't secretly added.
But, according to your OP, he hadn't initially appreciated that the App was tracking his every move. Now that's he's realised that, he doesn't like it, which is entirely reasonable.

TheRollingCrone · 19/07/2017 20:30

Ooh no get rid, it's not healthy in a relationship.

kali110 · 19/07/2017 20:30

Ops husband didn't realise though!
No wonder he deleted it.
He doesn't have to be having an affair.

Itsnotwhatitseems · 19/07/2017 20:31

isn't this the storyline in EastEnders at the moment. Steven is stalking Lauren via her phone..I can see your point OP, its not that he deleted it, its why he went from happy to have it, to deleting it, unless he didn't understand how intrusive it was.

GirlOnATrainToShite · 19/07/2017 20:31

I don't think you can legitimately call someone who cheats on you, your 'other half'.

In these circumstances, break up is usually the wiser option, over tracker app.*

Well thanks stranger on the internet who knows fuck all about ANY of our circumstances for your unwarranted and unwanted advice Smile

gingergenius · 19/07/2017 20:31

@GrumpySausage that's a very sensible reason to have it, and of course puts a different slant on things, but still think in the main, for non Bear Grylls types, it's overkill. Hats off to the PP using it to rebuild trust with her OH - it's not easy is it? (In same boat and getting a little better each day) 🍷

DisneyMillie · 19/07/2017 20:32

I don't really get why most people seem so against it - my dh and I both have a find my friends thing which can track each other. We trust each other 100% and it's not crossed my mind to "check up on him". I do use it to see if he's left work though rather than pester when he might be busy - he's totally fine with it. And I'm fine with him knowing where I am whenever he wants to (not that I think he looks / cares unless I'm supposed to be somewhere meeting him and I'm late) I don't find it creepy.

tangledup123 · 19/07/2017 20:33

The posts about how useful/amazing this app is are completely irrelevant. The point is that all parties being tracked need to give their consent. The OP seems to have encouraged her DP to install the app without him knowing she could use it to track his movements.

OnionKnight · 19/07/2017 20:33

unless he didn't understand how intrusive it was.

Read the OP, that's exactly it.

GirlOnATrainToShite · 19/07/2017 20:34

gingergenuis

Thanks and he works away all week so this way paranoia doesn't tear us apart too.

itsgoodtobehome · 19/07/2017 20:35

Good god this tracker thing sounds horrific. Whatever happened to people having their own space and time? I have nothing to hide, but wouldn't want my dh being able to track my every move. Tonight I thought I had a late work meeting. It was cancelled, but I had already arranged for dh to pick up ds, so I met a friend for a cheeky glass of wine instead. I wouldn't want dh to go - oooo you're in the pub, I thought you were working late.

gingergenius · 19/07/2017 20:36

@GirlOnATrainToShite yep the paranoia is a killer. Glad you've found a way to try to make it work. Hope it works out for you x

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/07/2017 20:37

I think it's the creepiest thing I've heard of for a long while. Saying that, it was nice on Harry Potter, that 'family clock' so you'd know if a loved one was in moral peril and you'd need to get your wand out... but for mere mortals - NO!

I would delete that app and if you have an issue with your husband doing that OP then you have trust issues that you need to sort and resolve with him.

Gemini69 · 19/07/2017 20:38

Not a chance I'd have this APP... and I'm not having an affair ... heck that APP's just gawd darn creepy....

caffeinestream · 19/07/2017 20:39

No way on earth would I allow this! I don't want people knowing where I am 24/7 - I want to be able to spontaneously go for a walk or to the pub or to see a friend without being questioned or asked why I was at X and not Y.

I don't want to be tracked. I'm not cheating or doing anything wrong but I want some privacy to be able to go somewhere and not have my partner knowing my every move. Luckily he has no clue about most forms of technology and would have no interest in it anyway not that it would work here as there's bugger all signal

notoneofyou · 19/07/2017 20:40

Creepy, controlling, AND a massive battery drain to have location services on all the time.

Original poster
Ahardyfool · 19/07/2017 20:40

When DD was in New York it was fun to use as I could share some of the experience with her and check she was back at hotel from time to time which stopped me worrying about her being so far from home for the first time. I'm not luxuriating in spare time sufficiently well to actually monitor anyone like a freak.
So far, mostly people seem to be anti. I'm quite surprised as I see it as no big deal.
Will have to concede on this one then.
Right now eldest DD and middle DS have not come back from a dog walk and neither of them have had the foresight to take their phones. Supper is going cold for them and Life360 would right now be great if they had Their phones. I could text them, admittedly but it will be stuffed in a pocket...

OP posts:
ThePants999 · 19/07/2017 20:41

I actually wrote an app to let my wife track me. It's just convenient for her to know when I'll be home.

OnionKnight · 19/07/2017 20:42

How can you text them if they don't have their phones? Well you could, they just wouldn't get it.

BlondeB83 · 19/07/2017 20:42

I would absolutely hate being tracked everywhere! It's weird, controlling and I would probably react like your DH.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 19/07/2017 20:43

What a fucking weird thing to do/have. There's no way I would accept being tracked at all times!! There's a magical thing callled a microwave if their tea needs reheating...
Weird weird weird.

thebigbluedustbin · 19/07/2017 20:44

Nothing wrong with these apps if everyone being tracked agrees to and in comfortable with being tracked

If someone is not comfortable, then no app. Forcing it on a person is not right.

Original poster
Ahardyfool · 19/07/2017 20:44

I mean if they had their phones I could either check location on the app or text them but the text would be pointless given they have on silent mode most of the time and if walking then would be in pocket. They've just come back so am putting youngest DD to bed and all is well other than cold rice!

OP posts:
caffeinestream · 19/07/2017 20:46

It all seems very...controlling. Needing to know exactly when people will be home, planning dinner around it, wanting to get in touch when people are slightly late...I don't know, it feels quite clingy to me. I'd feel smothered!

Your husband is an adult, he doesn't need to be accountable for his every move. If he works late, you know he's working and he'll be home when he's done. His dinner can be reheated if he's late, or he can make himself a sandwich or order a pizza.