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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate how fat I am

225 replies

fatbernie · 16/07/2017 15:57

I know all I have to do is stop eating so much (so please don't give me diet advice. I've heard it a million times before).

It irritates me so much that no matter what diet I try I can't stick to. I lose a stone and then it's all back on. I even went a full 6 months on slimming world but eventually got bored.

It's not savoury food I crave. I make all my meals fresh. It's just I eat far too big portions and far too much sweet food. Today I've eaten a magnum, a mr kipling apple pie and an ice cream cone. My breakfast was scrambled egg on wholemeal toast and lunch was baked sweet potato with veg and chicken so my main meals are healthy but I eat so so much snacks it's unbelievable.

I can't stay at anyone's house because I feel like I'm dying of starvation when eating 'normal' amounts of food.

I walk a lot and enjoy walking. I walk two miles a day at least so that's one positive but I cannot stop using food as enjoyment.

I just eat when I'm bored. I would love to be slim but I never will be. I never have been since the age of 8 and I'd not even know how to eat a normal diet as I'd be starving!

Anyone else the same? I know it's acommon problem.

I'm only 28. I should not be so fat. I have a pretty face, I could be gorgeous. It's such a shame.

OP posts:
GoodBadOrIndifferent · 16/07/2017 16:12

Be kind to yourself. It helps a lot!
The biological, psychological and sociological factors influencing obesity are understood to an extent. It is not as simple as eat less and move more. It may not be considered a disease in this country but it certainly is in others.
95% of people who lose weight put it all back on. Few cancers have that kind of relapse rate.
Depends on how obese you are but weight loss surgery had the most evidence behind it.

yes of course Im on a diet

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 16/07/2017 16:13

I think you need to address the psychological issues behind your over eating. You know what you need to do, but something is stopping you. You've mentioned stress and being on your own as triggers.

PurpleDaisies · 16/07/2017 16:13

I think it's important to learn not to eat it when it's there too. Or else you're not truly having a good relationship with food

What's more important though? Being able to have cake in the cupboard or being a healthy BMI?

It's more difficult if you've got family who will continue eating the junk food, but I agree with sirzy that it shouldn't be a daily thing for anyone and there are ways around always having it around if you are serious about losing weight and this is causing you such a problem.

SandysMam · 16/07/2017 16:13

You could be fat with an ugly face, it could be worse!!

coddiwomple · 16/07/2017 16:13

get addicted to a sport, that should help. Anything, 10k runs/ marathons, trail running/ swimming/ zumba/ martial arts. Anything, it's entirely up to you - give yourself 6 months to a year to become truly addicted. The first few months you can't go hard core and 3 to 4 hours a day, but it will come.

First of all, when you train, you don't have time to eat, and it makes you thirsty. You drink more, so you are less hungry, and less peckish. You start building muscles and the fat disappear. You start enjoying it, and start eating for energy. You sleep better to recover, so you eat less.

It's far from being the whole solution, but it helps massively.

Assburgers · 16/07/2017 16:14

No, if your other family members want the stuff they can go out and get it, eat it outside the house.

It is how I managed to quit smoking - I just made it so that it wasn't an option.

Honestly- I LOVE snacks. I am a sugar monster. I can eat an entire pack of Jaffa cakes in minutes. So I don't buy them.

Are there no healthy snacks that you like?

KoalaDownUnder · 16/07/2017 16:14

Honestly? You can 'not have it in'. Nobody needs a kitchen stocked with sweet junk. If they want a Magnum, they can go to the shop and buy one.

If one person needs to lose weight then that's what the rest of the family should do.

I think it's important to learn not to eat it when it's there too. Or else you're not truly having a good relationship with food.

Okay, by that criteria, I have a poor relationship with food. Because if I only had to walk to the kitchen instead of driving to the shop, I'd eat a hell of a lot more junk. As it is, I am realistic about the fact that my willpower isn't great, and that helps me maintain a healthy weight. What would you prefer?

goingagain · 16/07/2017 16:15

Take each decision at a time. It is difficult but you can do it.

When you are thinking about eating the apple pie, just stop and make a healthier choice - carrot sticks and hummus or whatever. Obviously it is not as nice and satisfying but that is the only way you are going to get there - one decision at a time. If you fall off the wagon, don't think 'oh well might as well have the Magnum as well', but think 'I can redeem this by eating healthily for the next meal'.

Also you need to get used to feeling hungry after eating normal portions in order
to let your stomach have time to shrink. Again, not necessarily fun and you don't get that post-Christmas-dinner-stuffed feeling, but you really shouldn't be eating to that extent every meal.

I don't mean this to sound insensitive, but you can complain about how hard it is (which everyone acknowledges!) or you can tackle it one decision at a time.

After my third baby I had lost a lot of the baby weight without changing my eating haunts but plateaued with a stone to go (until I was pre preg weight). Not to everyone's liking but I basically cut out all (I mean all) sugar and refined carbs and cooked exclusively almost from Madeleine Shaw's books. I lost weight within days. I also started doing some exercise.

Would you be willing to try something like that?

Original poster
fatbernie · 16/07/2017 16:15

If it wasn't in the house I'd go buy some more.

I don't think I've gone a single day without a dessert. It's sad.

I know what I need to do. But whenever I try I fail.

OP posts:
swingofthings · 16/07/2017 16:15

There are no miracles OP, it only comes down to one thing and that's willpower. Some people are born with a better ability to fight temptation, but for most, it's a skill they gained through a lot of practice.

Many slim people you will see around you are so because of the willpower to say no rather than because they are lucky to not be faced with temptation.

I personally think that Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is the way to tackle this issue, but it's a long process, with step backs, and pain, but you can make yourself have more willpower (and gather some tips to help you through it).

TotallyConkers · 16/07/2017 16:16

I get it OP. I have been thin and fat and now I am back being overweight. It would be better not having crisps etc in the house but there are others that live here so it's not that easy. I am trying to get into the right 'mindset' but it just doesn't seem to want to happen right now.

PurpleDaisies · 16/07/2017 16:17

I know what I need to do. But whenever I try I fail.

You're already setting yourself up to fail by being so negative about it. You have to decide this is the time it will work for you and do what's necessary, even if it means your family need to go out and buy their own junk food.

Original poster
fatbernie · 16/07/2017 16:17

Like I said, I've heard all this advice before. I already know it, have heard it etc.

I hate being fat but don't need advice on how to lose it. I already know.

I've been fat years and if I had a pound for all the weightloss advice I've been given over the years I'd be a millionaire. For some reason, I never ever stick to any diets or healthy eating plans.

I just cannot do it. The motivation to lose weight is not as much as the motivation to eat that piece of cake. It sucks but it's the way my stupid mind works.

OP posts:
PinkSparklyPussyCat · 16/07/2017 16:17

I know how you feel OP. I don't eat huge portions at meal times, I snack in between. I eat very little fruit as it doesn't agree with me so I can't even snack on that. Even if I didn't have the food in the house we have a corner shop a minutes walk away so it wouldn't take much for me to go and buy it.

MikeUniformMike · 16/07/2017 16:18

Have you considered hypnotherapy? I'm not a hypnotherapist but have heard that it can work.

bridgetreilly · 16/07/2017 16:19

When you're bored, have a glass of water. I find that helps me stop reaching for the snacks first. I still eat them, but less.

Also, take up knitting or something like that. Keeps your hands busy and stops you being bored, so you're not eating to pass the time.

turquoiseblueandgreen · 16/07/2017 16:19

bernie have you lost weight before, ever?

Original poster
fatbernie · 16/07/2017 16:20

Thanks pinksparkly

What do you eat in a typical day?

I am such a determined person. I've got an amazing job I fought tooth and nail for. I've achieved things against overwhelming odds. But I can't give up food. It's ridiculous.

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 16/07/2017 16:20

The motivation to lose weight is not as much as the motivation to eat that piece of cake. It sucks but it's the way my stupid mind works.

Well, that's a good place to start: realising it's about your mind. Try CBT?

Original poster
fatbernie · 16/07/2017 16:20

The most I've ever lost was a stone.

OP posts:
BeepBeepMOVE · 16/07/2017 16:22

You have the complete wrong attitude. Saying you'll never be thin. You can be when you decide to be. It's hard, you have to put the work in.

abundantlyclear · 16/07/2017 16:24

You are exactly the same as me op. If I'm not binge eating, I'm desperately fighting the urge. I too joined slimming world, lost 2 stone and crept closer to the healthy bmi stage. Now it's all back on and I'm struggling with depression because of my addiction to food.
People saying 'just don't have it in the house' have no idea. It's an addiction, wholly absorbing any willpower and happiness, making lives miserable.
I am now due to start slimming world again, I cannot give up because otherwise, it will kill me. Don't give up op. Go through a detox and cope anyway you know how...it will get easier with each week. Don't give up on yourself Flowers

MrsOverTheRoad · 16/07/2017 16:24

Look...most of us would like to eat a magnum a day plus whatever else we fancied but we don't.

It IS hard. But if you want to, you can stop. You just have to decide to do it.

And you CAN stop buying crap food...even if other members of your family like it.

It's hard luck!

cardibach · 16/07/2017 16:24

As a PP said, check out rebelfit. You can have the cake. Denial doesn't work long term. But you need to handle your fitness and body composition in a different way.

whirlycurly · 16/07/2017 16:25

Ok - if you want that cake you'll have to walk more than 2 miles a day. Can you look at it that way?
If you track everything you eat on my fitness pal and then aim to burn at least 500 cals more than you eat, you'll start to slowly shift it.
Have the cake, but earn it by doing a longer walk. Works for me Smile

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