DCs (age 8 and 10) can't swim or ride bikes

[iwouldgoouttonight]

It's more of a what would you do really. I feel like such a failure as a parent. If one child couldn't swim or ride a bike I might think that was their personality and they weren't a very physical person but as it's both of them I guess it's our fault.

They went to swimming lessons for about a year when they were younger (about 4 and 6) and they didn't enjoy it but I kept encouraging them to go. But by the end although DC1 had moved up a group they still both hated it, to the stage where they'd have only got in the water if I'd physically picked them up and put them in screaming and crying (which I wasn't going to do).

DP can't swim so I thought I'd take them swimming each week and teach them myself. They enjoy being in the water and DC1 has got to the stage where he can 'swim' under water and is very confident but can't do an actual stroke and can't lift his head out to breathe without putting his feet on the floor. DC2 can't put her face in the water despite lots of encouragement. She's done it once, hated it, refuses to do it again.

Similar with bikes, they both had bikes, we tried with stabilisers, tried with taking the pedals off and going down a slight slope to get them balancing. But every time they'd get upset, say they don't want to do it and everyone would get stressed. We tried one to one and also with them both trying together. They've now both outgrown the bikes they had so they don't have bikes and it doesn't seem worth buying another one for it to sit in the shed with them refusing to ride it.

DP and I both cycle to work so they're see cycling as a normal every day activity but they just don't want to learn. DC1 had bikability at school and he refused to take part there too.

I'm not as bothered about the cycling but I would like them to learn to swim but I have no idea how to go about it. I thought one to one lessons might help but they don't want to go.

They're really well behaved and as enthusiastic about other things, and will try new things. Eg DC1 went on a school trip to an outdoor pursuits centre and tried abseiling, kayaking, etc. and enjoyed it.

Any ideas?? Saying 'learning to swim is non-negotiable in our house', as some RL friends have said, isn't helpful, we know it's important, but you can't physically force a child to do it.

Never "force" anyone to learn anything. Such a bad idea if there's a phobia or specific weakness at play, you'll destroy their confidence and regardless you'll quite possibly make them hate the activity.

And DC2 has just finished year three and has never had swimming at school.

As I say, bribery. And at that age, probably with something fairly substantial that they have to 'work' for.

Having said that, do secondary school dc get swimming lessons as standard in England? I'd say at dd's primary, the lessons achieved very little, those who couldn't swim didn't learn. But at secondary with one term of swimming each year as PE from yrs 7 - 9 they did all become base level competent (at least according to dd).

My dgd5 learnt to swim using this snorkel mask - she could swim underwater but not on top but this helped her so much.

www.amazon.co.uk/Snorkel-Compatible-180-Full-Breathing-Technology/dp/B06ZZWWH2W/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1500211308&sr=8-2-spons&keywords=full+face+snorkel+mask&psc=1&tag=mumsnetforum-21

MiniCooperLover they don't have bikes, they've outgrown the three we've tried to teach them on. Weve not bought any more because they refuse to try to ride them.

SerfTerf that is my worry. We've tried bribery, encouraging, etc but they just won't. If I force them to get into the water crying surely that's just going to take away any enjoyment they got from swimming.

If anything I'd push the cycling over swimming. It's more useful in every day life than swimming

But swimming is what could save their lives, especially as OP says they like being around water.

I would make learning to swim non-negotiable if they want to continue to go to the pool for the inflatable session, paddle in the sea, go on a boat etc. If they don't go in for their lessons, then all these things will have to stop.

I see swimming as something you have to force

In our house both DDs were made to start lessons age 3. There was no option not to.

You need to be strong on this and offer no other treat or reward at all until they can do it. Swimming is so important and it's only going to get harder. I'd be stopping parties, days out etc. Clearly they enjoy the water so it's just poor behaviour really. They are kids and they shouldn't get a day on this. They'll certainly be sorry in the next few years as kids start to do with their mates at age 10/11. I wouldn't let mine go at all if they couldn't swim. What about holidays, waterparks etc?

I'm afraid I think you've been a bit soft in terms of consequences.

Mine both learnt to ride a bike age 5 and love it but if not be as stern on that one as kids can pick that up in an hour if they really want to.

There has been some good suggestions.

divide and conquer.

Stressing the importance.

Bribery or loss of things, screen time ect.

No more trips were water is involved.

Plenty of posters have made suggestions.

You just have decide what to go with and stick to your guns that learning to swim non negotiable.

You need a balance buddy bike bar. We got one for 9 year old who still struggled on her bike and it's been brilliant.

Ds1 could ride a bike without stabilisers at 3, ds2 refused to even try it until he was gone 7. Ds1 had swimming lessons to get the basics at 5, ds2 refuses to consider them. He has to do swimming in year 4 next year at school and he is going to struggle because even when I take him swimming he just plays and won't really try to swim! But then, ds1 struggles academically and ds2 shines that way, so I think they're just very different kids.

Definitely focus on learning to ride a bike more. I never learnt as a kid and it was humiliating having to pretend I just kept forgetting my bike when I would go and play out with my friends who would storm off on bikes and id have to walk behind them to catch up.

Soon as I got a paper round I saved up for my own bike and NDN taught me. I was 14 before I fully learnt.

rizlett that snorkel mask looks cool! We're not allowed snorkels in our pool, DC1 tried.

Posted and now reading the thread properly! Don't they want to learn?

Buttercups do you live somewhere where needing to know how to swim is vital? Or is it just something you consider an essential life skill wherever you live?

highlyintentional
Ds is a lifeguard and they test the dc swimming ability when they have inflatables, they wont let them on if they cant swim.

What really helped for us with swimming was a holiday house with a private pool. They were playing in the water every day and their swimming really came on. So a pool on holiday, make it fun, lots of floats may move them forward and then a few 1-2-1 lessons as soon as you get back to consolidate?

How about going to a fun pool? Slides, flumes and all that?

Would you seriously take your non swimming child to a place like this? I stress about DS going down the rapids/ splashing off the end of flumes into deep pools etc and he is a club swimmer!

OP you seem to have given an 8 and 10 year old a lot of control. I would just take them to swimming lessons and if they didn't get in they wouldn't see any of their gadgets/ favourite toys/ friends again until they had the next time.

How do you get them to do other things they don't want to do?

Thanks TheWitchAndTrevor I feel a bit overwhelmed by all the replies, and already feeling like a failure so I know I'm being negative about it all. I'm definitely going to try divide and conquer (start with DC1 as he's the eldest), stressing the importance (although I do already do this) and bribery or loss of things. I'm going to try to find one to one lessons firstly for DC1 and then say he has to go or he loses tablet time. And if he goes in the water and does as he's asked for a certain number of weeks he'll get a reward. Then try it with DC2.

I suppose it doesn't help that both of them have close friends who cant swim or ride either so they've not had the peer pressure. That might change at secondary school.

Also I think I feel like I don't know where to start because it's both of them and two important life skills. If just one of them learns one thing it might seem more achievable.

SerfTerf that is my worry. We've tried bribery, encouraging, etc but they just won't. If I force them to get into the water crying surely that's just going to take away any enjoyment they got from swimming.

I went through similar with DD for years. In the end, I booked a week's holiday with a private pool (not our usual kind of holiday) and spent a large part of two days just floating in it. On the third day curiosity got the better of her and she asked me to show her how. We didn't get further than different positions of floating that week but it was a breakthrough. Formal lessons never worked for her.

If you think they're possibly dyspraxic, it's worth googling for a screening questionnaire and seeking assessment if indicated. There could be other issues lurking undetected like processing speed issues.

I deal with a lot of young adults and those dxed earlier feel better for the self knowledge and insight.

I used to force mine to go swimming, but that was when they were much younger. The older they are, the harder it gets. Mine used to sit at the side of the pool crying, refusing to get in etc....then they refused to get out!!! I hate it when I hear parents say "oh they will learn at school", no they won't!!! Our school did three half hour sessions per term. So by the time they got changed that was twenty mins water time. The thing about swimming is you need regularity and consistency. So once a week definately, more if necessary. Lots of local swimming baths do half term swimming lessons where they are in the water every day. Failing that, take them on holiday somewhere hot with a swimming pool. Let them play in it every day.

You are NOT a failure OP. Drop that now.

The fact that it's two of them is as likely to indicate a genetic factor, even if "only" a marked lack of athleticism as anything else.

What about learning to swim on holiday in the warmth?.... maybe they don't like the cold, smell of chlorine/ public pools?.... I learnt to swim in a pool ( with instructor)Portugal when I was 5.... my dcs could all swim proficiently by age 6 as I see it as a life skill and opens so many opportunities for recreation

I don't cycle and I didn't as a kid although I could and I had a bike. It seems round here to be a family activity, or not. Either while families cycling off on a Sunday but no random kids biking about.

Swimming - mine are the same age and can manage a crap length. Three years of lessons wasted really. Can't afford more, 121 was hard to find so they spent ages in a group mucking about.

It bothers me a bit, from a safety point of view.

all 3 of mine are dyspraxic and swimming is one of the best all round activities to help with coordination