DCs (age 8 and 10) can't swim or ride bikes

[iwouldgoouttonight]

It's more of a what would you do really. I feel like such a failure as a parent. If one child couldn't swim or ride a bike I might think that was their personality and they weren't a very physical person but as it's both of them I guess it's our fault.

They went to swimming lessons for about a year when they were younger (about 4 and 6) and they didn't enjoy it but I kept encouraging them to go. But by the end although DC1 had moved up a group they still both hated it, to the stage where they'd have only got in the water if I'd physically picked them up and put them in screaming and crying (which I wasn't going to do).

DP can't swim so I thought I'd take them swimming each week and teach them myself. They enjoy being in the water and DC1 has got to the stage where he can 'swim' under water and is very confident but can't do an actual stroke and can't lift his head out to breathe without putting his feet on the floor. DC2 can't put her face in the water despite lots of encouragement. She's done it once, hated it, refuses to do it again.

Similar with bikes, they both had bikes, we tried with stabilisers, tried with taking the pedals off and going down a slight slope to get them balancing. But every time they'd get upset, say they don't want to do it and everyone would get stressed. We tried one to one and also with them both trying together. They've now both outgrown the bikes they had so they don't have bikes and it doesn't seem worth buying another one for it to sit in the shed with them refusing to ride it.

DP and I both cycle to work so they're see cycling as a normal every day activity but they just don't want to learn. DC1 had bikability at school and he refused to take part there too.

I'm not as bothered about the cycling but I would like them to learn to swim but I have no idea how to go about it. I thought one to one lessons might help but they don't want to go.

They're really well behaved and as enthusiastic about other things, and will try new things. Eg DC1 went on a school trip to an outdoor pursuits centre and tried abseiling, kayaking, etc. and enjoyed it.

Any ideas?? Saying 'learning to swim is non-negotiable in our house', as some RL friends have said, isn't helpful, we know it's important, but you can't physically force a child to do it.

Obviously that doesn't help you OP just saying. Good luck OP, but do not give in. That the key. If it was something like maths or learning to read you wouldn't let them off the hook it's just the same and you need to teach them that perseverance is important and pays off. One of the most valuable life lessons a child can learn.

And reward any progress and effort they make.

You are supposed to learn to swim in Year 4 at school, then in Year 5 if it doesn't work out. My dd had private lessons after a Year 4 in which she just didn't manage it. It was a week long course and she could swim by the end of it. The school kept her in lessons for Year 5 and she's now pretty good. Some kids just can't swim until 10. Maybe try a week course over the holidays for both of them. My dd can just about cycle but she just prefers scootering so she doesn't really try!

I have total and utter irrational fear of sharks (in swimming pools - see irrational)

I think that's more common than you realise, I have known several children with that phobia.

It's not the end of the wold if they don't learn these things as kids. I taught myself to ride a bike aged 10 - I just decided one day that it was too embarrassing not to be able to. My DH taught himself to swim in his 20s.

And don't beat yourself up OP, the fact you are even thinking about this means you are definitely not a failure as a parent!

Hi we got our son a light weight bike and he rode it first time and was 7 please don't worry.

Swimming - do you have a friend who can help them learn?

I couldn't be doing with years and years of swimming lessons. We took ours to the pool regularly for fun and splashing from being babies. And spent hours in the pool and sea every holiday. They associated being in the water with having a good time. They were super confident; able to float and dog paddle and jump in from a very young age.

When they went to swimming lessons at five is six they just whizzed through the grades really quickly. They have all revisited their swimming from time to time, done stuff like life saving and technique lessons. And they have all tried kayaking, surfing, paddle boarding and various other stuff. I am quite glad none of them has been interested in club swimming though, with all the long hours of practice that entails.

Don't be hard on yourself. If he wants to do kayaking and similar activities he needs to be as safe as he can which means swimming lessons. Now it's time for tough love on the swimming.

What motivates your DCs? Competition with each other? Rivalry with friends? Hard cash? Weekend at Centre Parcs only when they can both do both activities????
Re the bike- my DC2 was very reluctant until he was 9. I got him a larger size balance bike for older children ( not cheap but hoping to sell on). He could ride a proper bike in 2 weeks.
With Bikeability looming at school, we lent it to 2 friends also aged 9 who were reluctant/ physically impaired. They too rode proper bikes within a couple of weeks.
Swimming- just keep them going regularly for fun sessions. Doesn't matter if they can't do perfect strokes so long as they can build up confidence in the water.
Always always always better to wait for your children to be ready. From potty training onwards...

You are not a failure loads of adults cant ride a bike or swim or both.!!! If theyre not into it that doesnt make u a failure, theyre probably good at other things other children arent , my little one cant swim and cant only rides with stabilisers but kicks absolute arse at reading and school stuff, don't stress theres too much to stress about already!!

Aww, your poor DC1 and poor you. :( but the fact that he is crying is a good thing really in that he is able to let out his emotions and perhaps understands where his anxiety is coming from. I was recommended this book from CAHMS for DD which may be useful in your case? OTOH if it's just the sensory things he has trouble with some practical solutions such as googles, a swimming ear band, swimsuit that covers more of the body (or a wetsuit) may help. OR you can just leave it for a bit longer and let him and sibling mull it over - obv you know best how they can work things through.

Sorry, haven't read all the replies so maybe I'm repeating what someone else has suggested but could you enlist the help of a friend / cool uncle / aunt... that your children admire? I was taught to ride a bike by my really cool Auntie Sherry! I think my mum had tried several times before with me and was slightly (in the nicest possible way) put out that my aunt came along and was able to teach me within half an hour!

Another idea... Perhaps you could try to find some youtube videos of really cool BMXing or olympic swimming. Even I want to become an athlete after watching the olympics!

I think every child should learn to swim. For me I just feel they don't have to win a medal but get themselves to safety if needed. As for bikes I wouldn't push it

Do your children have friends who ride bikes? Most kids love riding bikes especially in the neighborhood or in parks. Do they ave scooters? My son's 5 & 8 have both. My youngest follows his brother and has just started peddling with stabilizers.He refused to do it a year ago but is really eager now.
Maybe your kids think bikes are your thing and feel shy to learn and worry incase they have to go riding on the roads like yourselves. Something is stopping them.
As for swimming.My 8 year old has going for two years. He is now doing strokes. He moved up a stage and is not using armbands now. He hated swimming and often didn't want to go but I'd keep encouraging him.

I have a friend who is as old as me, which is leaning towards ancient, who can't cycle. She's a mean swimmer, though. Both are useful life skills when they pop up. Guessing swimming better. As in don't drown. Find a nice private instructor for that, bikes are easier, stabilisers, whip them off, they're off.

There are people in my swimming classes learning to swim in their 70s.

I had similar issues. Ds2 was a bit younger though.

1. I booked a cycling instructor, Johnathan for a 1-2-1. £50. Was expensive but best money I've spent. Ds2 had the confidence after that and there's been no stopping him.

2. similar with swimming. He was a water baby and adores water, jumping in etc. But strokes? Swimming lessons had been pointless. So I booked an intensive 1-2-1 and he liked the teacher and it made a huge difference.

Both costly. But when I look back on it, I now see, that it was SO worth it.

Swimming - Book them in for crash courses of swimming lessons at local pool over the summer hols (at least two weeks of 5 lessons each) Plus go swimming loads to practice. As kids who are not scared of water at 8 and 10 they will be swimming by September. They won't cry in a group lesson. They are not 5 anymore. Then carry on with weekly group lessons for next year.

Cycling - Get them a second hand bike which is the right size. Don't bother with stabilisers. Offer to support their seat if they want you to get going but let them try it out for themselves. They will soon get hang of it with bike of right size.

If I said we're going swimming every morning and cycling every afternoon my kids would be in Heaven. Just be enthusiastic about it all :)

Go on and request 1:2. There's usually a waiting list but keep nagging different pools

Barracudas holiday clubs do a week of beginners / improvers lessons as an extra on their summer camps so if you're working this might work well :)

Am not completely convinced about swimming saving lives. A lot of people who drown (I don't know the stats, but I'd bet it's most) are swimmers who are overconfident. They go in the sea and get caught in a rip tide, for example, or they jump in to rescue a dog and get swept away. Or they swim in a lake or outdoor stretch of water and are overcome by cold water shock. Non-swimmers are more likely to stay away from the water.

Interesting article here:
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-27923677

I didn't learn to swim until I was nearly 12. It's a life skill, as a result of being able to swim as a teenager I saved the lives of 2 children who got into trouble in deep water. I also have a a younger brother who drowned (when I was 11 so that's when I learnt!). It is totally a life skill. My daughter hated her swimming lessons and cried & was really anxious before them but for the reasons above it was non-negiotiable. She is 8 now & swims better than me. Weirdly she didn't like lessons but has always loved playing in the water so has no of it. I would suggest a crash course over the summer with a bribe for completion. They can learn to swim in a week with a good teacher easily. I wouldn't recommend 1:1 - its intense and really stressful if you don't like swimming - I speak from personal experience! Cycling - I agree with previous posters who suggest a "cool aunt" or friend!

hackmum but obviously you don't hear about the kids and adults who fall into water and manage to survive due to their swimming skills - obviously the deaths are mostly to swimmers, for I think, the quite obvious reasons that you listed.

The swimming skills you sort of need to survive that people talk about, are slipping into a river, pond or canal, pool, suddenly finding yourself out of depth when paddling etc. Not born from over-confidence and very easy to rescue yourself if confident enough not to panic.

I do agree with the general sentiment that it's a bit over-played how important it is, and as you say, despite lots of people not being able to swim the deaths are among those who can.

Just to say I do think it's worth persevering with swimming lessons. My son started in the Easter term of his reception year. He's in year 9 now.

He made very slow progress, at least twice staying in the same group for a year. Sometimes it was down to less good teaching, but he just didn't have a talent for it.

However, it's the one activity he has not wanted to give up - well he did once but I said he could once he had his stage 7 and by the time he got to that level he had forgotten he wanted to give up. He is now 14 and still doing a post gold teenfit course once a week. He really enjoys going. I wouldn't want to tot up how much it has cost me over the years, but I am happy that there is something he enjoys and that is good for his health, too.

He's probably not good enough to be a club swimmer, but he's very competent and is waiting for his 16th birthday so he can do lifeguard training.