DCs (age 8 and 10) can't swim or ride bikes

[iwouldgoouttonight]

It's more of a what would you do really. I feel like such a failure as a parent. If one child couldn't swim or ride a bike I might think that was their personality and they weren't a very physical person but as it's both of them I guess it's our fault.

They went to swimming lessons for about a year when they were younger (about 4 and 6) and they didn't enjoy it but I kept encouraging them to go. But by the end although DC1 had moved up a group they still both hated it, to the stage where they'd have only got in the water if I'd physically picked them up and put them in screaming and crying (which I wasn't going to do).

DP can't swim so I thought I'd take them swimming each week and teach them myself. They enjoy being in the water and DC1 has got to the stage where he can 'swim' under water and is very confident but can't do an actual stroke and can't lift his head out to breathe without putting his feet on the floor. DC2 can't put her face in the water despite lots of encouragement. She's done it once, hated it, refuses to do it again.

Similar with bikes, they both had bikes, we tried with stabilisers, tried with taking the pedals off and going down a slight slope to get them balancing. But every time they'd get upset, say they don't want to do it and everyone would get stressed. We tried one to one and also with them both trying together. They've now both outgrown the bikes they had so they don't have bikes and it doesn't seem worth buying another one for it to sit in the shed with them refusing to ride it.

DP and I both cycle to work so they're see cycling as a normal every day activity but they just don't want to learn. DC1 had bikability at school and he refused to take part there too.

I'm not as bothered about the cycling but I would like them to learn to swim but I have no idea how to go about it. I thought one to one lessons might help but they don't want to go.

They're really well behaved and as enthusiastic about other things, and will try new things. Eg DC1 went on a school trip to an outdoor pursuits centre and tried abseiling, kayaking, etc. and enjoyed it.

Any ideas?? Saying 'learning to swim is non-negotiable in our house', as some RL friends have said, isn't helpful, we know it's important, but you can't physically force a child to do it.

It's funny you say DS can't swim cos basically he can't do the breaths while swimming with fave in water....i have NEVER likes swimming with my face in water and swim quite competently like a turtle with head always above water!! Dislike doing front crawl so always just do breast stroke. As long as he can swim from a safety point of view. Do t see that as a problem at all.

would your partner be up for learning to swim? Perhaps if they could learn with him, or he signed up for adult lessons and they could compare notes?

You need to make swimming fun for them, take them to swimming pools with slides, water parks etc. Get rid of their fear of water and let them see other kids having fun. Teach them the basics then that will encourage them to want to learn. Once again don't stress about bike riding, just encourage them to ride with you with stabilisers on, before long they will change their minds X

My son was convinced he could swim and consistently messed about during lessons. We took him kayaking in a swimming pool and they had to Eskimo roll out of the kayak. He was just out of his depth (could bob up and down on his toes)and it frightened him a little. I offered to take him for lessons again - he was probably about 9 - and it is amazing how quickly he learnt to swim in a class where he was head and shoulders taller than everyone else. Bit of fear and embarrassment worked for us! Bad mother. Get them to join scouts and they'll need to learn to swim to get fully involved.

Both are activities that my DS would have refused to do if it was left to him. With swimming I booked one to one. I explained it's non negotiable because it could save his life. Many talks about having to do stuff sometimes you don't like. Carrots - if you go swimming you can have half hour minecraft (not allowed generally in week) Sticks. - no telly if you don't co operate (only used as last resort). Cycling. Horrid. Again for us, something we do at the weekend so he needed to do it. We told him he'd get a book he really wanted when he had learned to ride. We took him to a long road through a show ground so no cars. It was hard for him. He lacks all co ordination and core strength, but I saw it as a skill he just needed and one that could help and give him confidence. We persisted through tears and sulks and he can now tide a bike and he can swim. Not brilliantly, but good enough.

We had similar issues with my son, we tried different group lessons, 121 lessons and he didn't like any of them. Last year when he turned 7 I said he had go to have lessons. Our local pool offer a weeks crash course in the summer holiday, 1/2hrs a day for 5 days, he really enjoyed it so I booked him on another 2 crash courses, he finished them and had passed his first 2 levels of swimming, he then started weekly lessons on level 3. He is now on level 5 and has just passed his 100m. I think the crash courses game him the confidence he needed and they were fun x

Surprised school let him kayak if he can't swim. I'm sorry but I made my son learn when he was little. I put him in screaming and crying as it's such an important skill and within a week or two (and some bribery) he started to enjoy it. We gave up with lessons once he only swam under water and didn't hear a word of what the teacher said. He loves the water now. He loves diving, surfing, swimming you name it. It's worth a little stress on your part for their safety. Also maybe if your partner learnt with them and they could have a competition with them? Might be an incentive.

Wengo to the beach every uear abd so did I when I was younger. I risked drawning when I was 10 and it was in really shallow water. It is rather easy. Bike is not a problem, but becoming a competent swimmer is I think compulsory and I spent a fortune on tuition for my daughter.

Re swimming my youngest DS was reluctant. We stopped then re-started when he was about 8. He was ready and moved up 3 groups in a term and very soon was confident and happy in the water.
Maybe try lessons again with DS.

Re bikes I don't know. I can't really remember. I think ours just wanted to do it.

Don't worry about the bikes, but your failure to teach a life saving skill is your responsibility. They need lessons NOW, and you must persevere no matter how much they hate it/moan/cry. It's not a decision, it's a necessity.

I think both are important skills and it is far easier to learn things like swimming and riding a bike when you are under 10.

I would suggest enrolling your children at the local swimming club - then they will learn the correct technique and also have fun learning with others their age.

I would probably resort to bribery to encourage them to learn to ride their bikes, with a prize to aim for once they have mastered it. You could probably find some cheap bikes on Ebay for them to learn on.

I would hold off for a while.. take the pressure off! Sure go to the pool for fun and splashing about but no lessons atm. My ds2 is dyspraxic and had a million swimming lessons when he was little but got nowhere, just sank like a stone. He also couldn't ride a bike. It had all become such an ordeal we left it for a couple of years. By the time he got to secondary, he decided to learn to swim for his duke of Edinburgh award.. he was 14 in a class with kids of 6/7.. but he did it! He's never going to be an amazing swimmer but he can certainly swim. He has recently learnt to ride a bike too.. he's 16. What I'm trying to say is relax, just because they're not getting it atm, doesn't mean they won't in the future.

They are both life skills - especially swimming. Make it fun and otherwise use bribery if you can afford it at age 8 and 10. Re learning to cycle, there's a great trick around using a scarf around the torso.

With the bikes I recommend getting secondhand from a car boot for them to try rather than getting expensive new ones in case they don't want to learn. My son absolutely wasn't interested in learning to use his bike and outgrew it. He then used his cousins balance bike which was also a bit small for him but it was a bike and he was riding it so was borrowed it. After that I spotted a bigger bike at a car boot for £5 so I got it. I brought it home and told him to try it in the grass with me pushing him. I toms him big bikes didn't have stabilisers so I held him up for a bit. Then I let go and he just went. He was 8. So I think sometimes they just aren't bothered until they feel like it. Definitely not worth spending lots on bikes but worth grabbing a cheap secondhand one for them to try occasionally in hopes they change their minds. My DD is 5 and she won't ride a bike stabilisers or not. She won't even use a scooter.

Neither of my DCs can swim. I feel awful about it but swimming lessons near me are so expensive that there's no way we can afford it. So unfortunately I can't help you except to say that you aren't alone in having kids that won't ride bikes or swim. You're trying and that's what counts so you absolutely aren't failing as a parent.

I didn't learn to swim until I was 9 yrs. We were on holiday and my parents had bought me a cheap pair of flippers (fins). The extra speed they gave me allowed me to swim above rather than under the water. If you can find a pool that allows them it might be worth a go (though might mess up your 1:1 lessons if you have booked them) Fins aren't too expensive and you may get lucky if you ask your local charity shops. As for the bikes - if they aren't interested then I'd leave it. The swimming could save their lives - cycling is fun but if their friends aren't in to it then they may not miss out. One of my DDs is dyslexic and dyspraxic. Didn't learn to ride a bike until she was 9 or 10. Took a lot of patience one Sunday afternoon. She then hardly looked at a bike until she turned 20 yrs and now cycles regularly. The time just wasn't right for her before then.

At our pool they only allow fins in adult lane sessions

Swimming is definitely a life skill. I would persist with the swimming but not bother too much with cycling. However if their bikes are now too small they will never learn.

Swimming has been non negotiable in our house. I can recall countless hours by. Pool feeling like th wicked witch while my children were sobbing in the pool. They both swim very well now and in fact my daughter won her swimming gala races this year.

I think both cycling and swimming are life skills.

From someone who is married to someone can do neither very well, please make sure they learn. It is really restrictive when you can't eg go on a family bike ride etc and that is looking at it from my selfish perspective. I am sure it is even more restrictive for the person concerned. When they get older they might want to go to on cycling holidays or learn to dive etc.

Also, lifeguarding is a great holiday job but you obviously need to swim well for that.

I am 32 and can't swim or ride a bike. Due to time and money restraints as a kid I could not have lessons, my dad and aunt tried to teach me as a kid but illness took over and it stopped. I'm not trying to learn to ride a bike and finding it so hard, the natural balance and not being afraid to fall is difficult to overcome and yes it is very embarrassing to tell people this.

I do recommend they learn these things, maybe get family involved as it'll be less embarrassing than around friends.

i feel really bad for you! especially as you have obviously tried hard to get them swimming and set a good example of cycling yourself! They are both life skills though, and its for their own good so i would probably book lessons for swimming and set some family time for cycling every week. Just stick at a regular timetable and swich off from the moaning / crying. As hard as it will be they will thank you eventually!

I think part of the issue is me and DP get frustrated when trying to teach them which clearly doesn't help

Just wait until you try teaching them to drive 😂😂😂

One of my DC can't ride a bike - she is an adult now and I'm amazed that she can't. I don't really know how it happened 🤷🏻‍♀️ She roller blades like a demon and can skate, snowboard and ski so it's not that she's not got decent balance or because she is a scaredy-cat
I bike ride a lot so it's not even that I'm setting a bad example.

I would just carry on taking them once a week for fun with some toys to swim and get. You can play shark tag etc to get them swimming. Playing games will take the stress out of it and they'll learn better that way.

Show them some pics/videos of the coolest water park you can find. Tell them that if they attend swimming lessons and learn to swim properly, they can go there next summer holidays and take a friend each.

They sound like they are determined not to like swimming, and that's the reason why all attempts have failed. Same goes for the cycling thing, but its very important for their own safety that they learn to swim.

I taught myself to swim at the age of 10.

I held onto the side and put my face under for longer and longer periods of time.

Once I'd got to about 10 seconds I started letting go of the side but still stood close to it.

Then I started bending down to get used to going deeper underwater.
Then I tried crawling along the bottom of the pool. My natural buoyancy puppy fat pushed me up to the surface. Then it was a question of lifting my head and sort of paddling like a dog.

Once I was comfortable dog paddling I developed a kind of breast stroke, and the rest followed along.

My father had tried to teach my for years by supporting me in the water while I thrashed around, letting me use a float, or hang onto the side and kick. Eventually he used to just leave me in the little pool and go and do his own thing. I got so bored I taught myself because I didn't want to spend one more session holding onto the side and kicking for an hour.