DCs (age 8 and 10) can't swim or ride bikes

[iwouldgoouttonight]

It's more of a what would you do really. I feel like such a failure as a parent. If one child couldn't swim or ride a bike I might think that was their personality and they weren't a very physical person but as it's both of them I guess it's our fault.

They went to swimming lessons for about a year when they were younger (about 4 and 6) and they didn't enjoy it but I kept encouraging them to go. But by the end although DC1 had moved up a group they still both hated it, to the stage where they'd have only got in the water if I'd physically picked them up and put them in screaming and crying (which I wasn't going to do).

DP can't swim so I thought I'd take them swimming each week and teach them myself. They enjoy being in the water and DC1 has got to the stage where he can 'swim' under water and is very confident but can't do an actual stroke and can't lift his head out to breathe without putting his feet on the floor. DC2 can't put her face in the water despite lots of encouragement. She's done it once, hated it, refuses to do it again.

Similar with bikes, they both had bikes, we tried with stabilisers, tried with taking the pedals off and going down a slight slope to get them balancing. But every time they'd get upset, say they don't want to do it and everyone would get stressed. We tried one to one and also with them both trying together. They've now both outgrown the bikes they had so they don't have bikes and it doesn't seem worth buying another one for it to sit in the shed with them refusing to ride it.

DP and I both cycle to work so they're see cycling as a normal every day activity but they just don't want to learn. DC1 had bikability at school and he refused to take part there too.

I'm not as bothered about the cycling but I would like them to learn to swim but I have no idea how to go about it. I thought one to one lessons might help but they don't want to go.

They're really well behaved and as enthusiastic about other things, and will try new things. Eg DC1 went on a school trip to an outdoor pursuits centre and tried abseiling, kayaking, etc. and enjoyed it.

Any ideas?? Saying 'learning to swim is non-negotiable in our house', as some RL friends have said, isn't helpful, we know it's important, but you can't physically force a child to do it.

I think with bikes you need to get them second hand bikes of the right size and then make an effort every weekend usinf bribery or lessons or just lots of attention over a short time. Cycling is such an amazing freedom and increasea kids sociability and as soon as it clicks foe then they will love it

I bet with focus they will be swimming and cycling this time next year.

Most2 people say their kids really click with swimming when they do it every day intensively...on holiday or through a crash course. Im not sure weekly 20 mins in the pool is that effective.

My eldest is very similar. She hated swimming. I started her lessons (small group) at 4 years old. She cried, she refused to join in and it was very frustrating and took forever to move up from the beginners group. But I persisted as I didn't learnt until I was 10 and was so embarrassed at school being that old and in the beginners group. I would lift her in crying to the instructor. We had a sticker chart and she was rewarded for trying her best. Gradually, very very gradually! She got better. She is now 6 and in the next group up and actually looks forward to her weekly lessons.
She also isn't great on her bike . She still has stabilisers and is very nervous riding up and down hill but rides around the garden quite confidently.
I think persistence is key personally, though I understand how hard it is. Not all children are great at these things but I think they will miss out if they can't do them.

I just reiterate with bikes, that it REALLY makes a difference if you get a very lightweight bike designed for children.

You could get a second hand Isla Beinn 26 - I have seen them for £125 recently .

Apologies for not reading the whole thread but I just wondered what their hearing was like? It could affect balance (bikes) and The noise in a swimming pool can be very distressing. Just a thought...

I just reiterate with bikes, that it REALLY makes a difference if you get a very lightweight bike designed for children.

You could get a second hand Isla Beinn 26 - I have seen them for £125 recently .

Swi.ming is vital.The only activity that could save your life.Send them to lessons they may be more receptive now.Can't believe you would even consider kayaking as non swimmers! Husband was saved from a rip tide in Portugal my children swam to safety as strong swimmers every penny spent was worth it.Luckily husband saved from miles out by attentive beach guards could have been tragic.

I told my girls it was the law to learn to swim and now at 16 and 13 they still believe that to be true!!! Am I too good of a liar or should I take up poker!!!

Our local pools offer a 'splash' course over the summer holidays every day for a week. It really seems to work well, they don't have time ro forget what they learnt the previous week! Maybe combine something like that with good old fashioned bribery if they go in sensibly each day! Good luck

I think finding the right one to one teacher will make a huge difference OP. Tuition from parents who understandably get frustrated and in front of whom the children are not embarrassed to make a fuss is totally different to a cool calm teacher they want to impress.

Also, see if you can find someone who won't push the faces in water thing, you can swim without doing that.

A bit too late on the thread but here's how I learnt to cycle:

My father put stabilisers on my bicycle which was slightly smaller but ok for my size. He hit them from the bottom with a hammer so they bent and went higher off the ground, about an inch, maximum. When the bicycle would go faster, both stabilisers would go off the ground so they would do absolutely nothing, letting me free to cycle, although because they were still there I never realised that I didn't actually use them but they still gave me a false sense of security. The day when my father took them off I could instantly cycle. I then had to learn how to break and get off without jumping

My area does cycling lessons (for free) for kids and adults. If you've got something similar in your area it's well worth it. Dd2 was a reluctant rider and although she was almost there she lacked the confidence. 30 mins into the lesson and she was cycling like a pro. Sometimes they just need somebody different to encourage them.

Mine are 8 and 12, and neither have liked the idea of swim classes, they did some with school though in yr 3. I found it helped to just take them to free play sessions at the pool at weekends, they got there eventually, but it took the pressure off.

Something that really helped with learning to ride a bike was those balance bikes, with no pedals, they help with balance. I'm not sure what age they go up to.

I still remember learning to ride a bike myself and was around 8, I found it more difficult as older I thinks more aware of it! My dad put a piece of wood on the back to hold on to to steady me then gradually let go!

Hope they get there in the end, Kind thoughts.

It seems they do balance bikes for older kids, might be worth a try? they do really help.

www.kidsbalancebikes.com/bikes-by-age/5-6-7-year-olds/

Late to the thread but Yy to balance bikes. My DS2 loved his and as a result of getting the balance right was riding a bike before he was 3 - I kid you not. DS1 and DS3 not so keen on balance bikes and they were a good, few years later. DS3 only recently at age 5 and only because he suddenly decided he wanted to, so I feel your pain about them resisting. I'm sure it'll come in the end.

My kids did not like swimming when they were younger and my daughter struggled with riding a bike because of stroke when she was younger. We, as a family, thought these skills were important and ignored all whining and used all kinds of rewards to get them to succeed.

You have to find a hook and some patience and the energy. We went out everyday (or close to) with my daughter to get her riding her bike.
It helped that the reward was a family trip for ice cream, which I never buy normally. It was the work that was rewarded, not how well she rode the bike.

As for swimming, if they went to their lessons, without crying etc then after the term we would all go to the local fun pool with slides etc, which they wanted to do. This was the whole family. If one cried or caused problems, then they would not go, but the others would go. It was whoever did what we asked without fuss. I had to remind them sometimes, but they knew I meant it.

You have to decide if it is important to your family and then get through it. I can only say that as they get older not knowing how to swim may be more limiting for them in experiencing things as water is everywhere. but that is my opinion.

It seems part of the battle is going to be actually finding one-to-one lessons. I've phoned and emailed five now and no response!

Re bikes, you don't need to buy balance bikes. Buy the right size bike for the child, take the pedals off. Then let them scoot about on it, with the ability to put both feet right down.

When they can push off and free wheel and keep their balance, then put the pedals back on.

Then they will be off pedalling.

Seriously do try it. Stabilisers are the worse possible thing as they actually do NOT teach you how to balance. A bike with no stabilisers on feels TOTALLY different to one with, a child has to totally unlearn what they have learnt and of course trying to do that at the same time as pedalling is impossible.

We had to wait about two years for our 1-2-1 lessons .... worth it in the end though.

Let them do it at their own pace. I didn't learn to swim until I was 24.

Now I go two or three times a week.

Not yet RTFT but thank you OP for your honesty. I have spent years secretly feeling like a terrible parent for my kids not being able to ride a bike.

I've tried countless times. I initially bought them bikes (with stabilisers), thinking it would be easy. After the most stressful hour of my life, it ended with dd1 having a major accident and going over the handlebars. Her teeth went through her lip, bleeding tongue, chin torn through on the ground.

Many failed centerparcs visits later I had to give up. We weren't getting anywhere. Still haven't managed (now 11 and 13). Feel I've missed the boat - maybe they will never learn. I LOVED cycling as a child, and feel they have massively missed out.

Swimming was worse. Years and years of swimming lessons - just weren't getting anywhere. I watched other kids swimming at three, wondering what I was doing wrong. Lots of money, seemingly thousands of pointless journeys to and from the lessons.

In the end, I switched to a nanny for childcare so that she could drop them at swimming lessons and pick them up weekly. I had lost the will. In the end, they both just about broke through and could just about scrape 25m.

I am determined that one year we will crack the bikes. Thank you all for your tips which I will study.

Hi just a late thought for you... if you cannot somehow get your kids pedalling at this stage, it could in not so many years time affect their ability to competently ride a moped thru lack of balancing skill and not understanding the intuitive way you steer a two wheeled vehicle. It will be Much Harder to learn, and obviously they may need to get themselves to college/work. Near where I work there is a 'family cycling centre' with lots of different types of bike for people to try. There may be a similar scheme near you. It seems very popular. Good luck and make it your summer project.

I'd say it's highly unusual amongst middle class families not to be able to swim or ride a bike. If they fell in water would you wish you had done more? Probably. Just because they didn't get the hang of it at swimming lessons when younger doesn't mean they won't now.
Swimming is school a joy!

My daughter went through a stage of hating going swimming despite being a good swimmer for her age, she had a bad experience with an instructor she didn't like. I found her a new one in fact 2 new ones and made sure she was happy. With cycling she's a bit scared and won't do it very much. We just keep preserving. That's all you can do. Being a parent is hard work. Some kid do things quickly some don't. It's our responsibility to not give up. It will click.

cloudspotter sorry you have the same issue. It makes you feel so guilty doesn't it? I can't believe I thought when they were little I'd just book swimming lessons and they'd get taught. I sometimes don't think people understand, if they have a child who has learnt easily, what it's like to drag a child to the swimming pool every week, spending the majority of the 30 minutes you've paid for standing on the side trying to get the child to actually go in the water, and then when they go in the water, even after a year they're no closer to being able to swim. That's what put me off for so long, and I know I should have tried lessons again sooner.

Spoke to DC1 today about the fact that I'm trying to find some lessons for him and it'll just be him and the instructor so he doesn't have to worry about anyone else seeing him, and how important it is for his safety and I know he doesn't want to but it's for his own good and he'll feel really proud when he can do it. He's now sobbing in his room not speaking to me.

I think it's harder to force these things as they get older, definitely worth starting at 3 having proper lessons. I took my daughter to play in the pool regularly from a baby, but didn't bother with lessons till 3.5, she loved the water and that was the main thing. I think getting goggles when she was 3 helped as it encouraged her to put her face in the water.