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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Restaurant bill query

155 replies

SallyGinnamon · 15/07/2017 17:53

So we were sort of bamboozled into having a Spanish teen staying with us for a fortnight - niece of a friend of DH.

She's lovely and the same age as DD but for all of us it's hard going having someone in the house for more than a few days.

Anyway, we found out that the day that she was leaving was actually her birthday. Her DF said that he would fly in the night before, stay in an hotel then collect her at 10am on the Saturday.

For her final night we booked a meal in Pizza Express for the five of us (Me, DH,DD,DS and Spanish girl). Partly as a treat as it was almost her birthday.

That evening got a text from her DF that he was coming round to collect some luggage. I explained that we were taking Spanish girl out to eat as it was her birthday so he decided to come with us.

At the end of the meal the bill came and he just ignored it. Sat there silently looking straight ahead. So DH picked it up and paid. No thank you, nothing.

So AIBU to be a bit cross about this? We were expecting to take his daughter out, not him. He sort of invited himself. Plus I've fed and ferried about his DD for two weeks using my own food and petrol.

I was expecting him to offer to contribute something. Or at least say thank you.

DH thinks it might be a cultural thing. AIBU?

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 15/07/2017 17:56

Dunno if it's cultural...but a present for your generous hosting wouldn't have gone amiss if it was.

fabulousathome · 15/07/2017 17:57

Gosh, it's a bit mean for him not to even offer to pay. He presumably isn't too poor as he flew over to collect her and stayed in a hotel.

Perhaps he thought he had paid enough. I'm assuming he didn't give you a thank you gift for looking after his daughter either? Perhaps something huge will arrive after they have both gone.

You won't be doing this again I assume or do you want to send your DD to Spain in return? You can be confident of her not needing much money to take with then!

ilovesooty · 15/07/2017 18:01

Text him your bank details to transfer what he owes you. How were you "sort of bamboozled" into hosting her in the first place?

thekillers · 15/07/2017 18:03

Did you invite him to join you?If so then you pay?

Original poster
SallyGinnamon · 15/07/2017 18:19

Killers. No we didn't invite him. I said we're just going to take his DD out. Assume you ate on the plane (it was 8.30). He said no, he'd join us.

In terms of gift, she arrived with a china figurine. Not my taste at all!!

OP posts:
Original poster
SallyGinnamon · 15/07/2017 18:22

Bamboozled in that DH got a message from his Spanish friend in about March asking if we knew someone we absolutely trusted to host his niece for a month to learn English in our town. His brother would pay all expenses etc etc.

He obviously meant us! I reluctantly agreed for a week. It ended up being a fortnight.

No offer of payment just a flamenco figurine!

OP posts:
Donthate · 15/07/2017 18:24

Is the ceramic figure lladro? Stick it on eBay if it is. Next time just say no or ask for a set amount of cash first.

Original poster
SallyGinnamon · 15/07/2017 18:26

Yes Lladro. Never heard of it.

Wouldn't dare EBay china. Knowing my luck it'd break in transit!

OP posts:
Whodoesthis17 · 15/07/2017 18:32

Maybe you should write out a bill for the stay and send it back to the friend with the text that stated the father would pay the bill, I wouldn't include the meal out, as you were doing it anyway, but you could include his meal if you wanted,,, as after all you will never see them again, and that way even if it doesn't get paid you will know your point has been made, just say you hadn't sorted it till after they had gone back.

dotdotdotmustdash · 15/07/2017 18:33

A decent sized Lladro figure will probably pay your restaurant bill!

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/07/2017 18:33

Do you have the fathers email address? Has she now gone home? I'd be sending a bill in this case.

HolyShmoly · 15/07/2017 18:34

What a liberty! Quite a lot of spanish teenagers go to Ireland for a period of time over Summer (and often during term time) to brush up on their English. There's quite a few programs I believe and it's definitely not free! I know some people who host and get paid very nicely in a lot more than ceramic figurines. At the very least he could have paid for everyone's dinner, never mind wangling himself a free meal.

LockedOutOfMN · 15/07/2017 18:35

In Spain to "invite" someone means you will pay for them. I live in Spain and would say that if there was a pre-arranged family meal then the arrangers/inviters would be expected to pay. So I think this could be a cultural misunderstanding on the man's part. If your daughter went to stay with their family, I would be surprised if she or you were expected to put a hand in the pocket for anything. (Not that this makes the situation ok).

You may be able to "return" the Lladró figurine to a retailer in the U.K. (John Lewis?) in exchange for a voucher. New they cost upwards of 500€.

RedSkyAtNight · 15/07/2017 18:35

Er - hang on - so he did offer to pay expenses? Maybe he is expecting you to send him a bill!

bimbobaggins · 15/07/2017 18:35

He's obviously seen you coming, agreeing to take his daughter in without asking for the previously mentioned expenses. Culture is no excuse for rudeness but I don't understand why you pussyfoot around him and not just say how much he owes or ask for the expenses

Tofutti · 15/07/2017 18:40

He is a cheeky fucker. But did you not clarify when and how much they would pay for expenses?

HollywoodStunt · 15/07/2017 18:41

Surely if it was a cultural thing its up to him to follow the culture here not the other way round

PetitErmitage · 15/07/2017 18:41

I think it is perhaps a cultural assumption that you were 'hosting' for the meal, although a 'thank you' wouldn't have gone amiss!

Lladro figurines can be very valuable.

SpaghettiAndMeatballs · 15/07/2017 18:41

I was going to guess Lladro too - it's a thing. Check Ebay - the others are right, it's necessarily the inconsequential gift you thought (and would absolutely be the thing to take as a gift among the people I knew in Southern Spain)

I don't know about not sharing the bill, I just can't remember, but they are a lot more relaxed about getting around to paying it - it might be that had you waited 10 minutes he'd have thought about getting involved..

Ceto · 15/07/2017 18:42

You should have just told him what his contribution would have to be.

SpaghettiAndMeatballs · 15/07/2017 18:42

not necessarily.. sigh..

Trollspoopglitter · 15/07/2017 18:46

Christ, those figurines are ugly. In that 2.99 mail order from back of the Sun sort of way, and in your local charity shop for .59 p months later.

ZenNudist · 15/07/2017 18:48

Plesse let it be the really expensive one!

Ok lesson lesrned. No right to bitch if you dont state your terms upfront.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/07/2017 18:50

Omg if it is, sell it. Get it specialist wrapped in a crate or something and fully insured!

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