Restaurant bill query

[SallyGinnamon]

So we were sort of bamboozled into having a Spanish teen staying with us for a fortnight - niece of a friend of DH.

She's lovely and the same age as DD but for all of us it's hard going having someone in the house for more than a few days.

Anyway, we found out that the day that she was leaving was actually her birthday. Her DF said that he would fly in the night before, stay in an hotel then collect her at 10am on the Saturday.

For her final night we booked a meal in Pizza Express for the five of us (Me, DH,DD,DS and Spanish girl). Partly as a treat as it was almost her birthday.

That evening got a text from her DF that he was coming round to collect some luggage. I explained that we were taking Spanish girl out to eat as it was her birthday so he decided to come with us.

At the end of the meal the bill came and he just ignored it. Sat there silently looking straight ahead. So DH picked it up and paid. No thank you, nothing.

So AIBU to be a bit cross about this? We were expecting to take his daughter out, not him. He sort of invited himself. Plus I've fed and ferried about his DD for two weeks using my own food and petrol.

I was expecting him to offer to contribute something. Or at least say thank you.

DH thinks it might be a cultural thing. AIBU?

It might be cultural? My Austrian / German friends are like this about restaurant bills (except usually it's them paying for us!!). If you try and pay or contribute to the bill they get quite offended and say 'no, no, we invited you'. But that's just the meal. If the initial agreement was that expenses would be covered then you should really have clarified that before the visit ('ok, we can have her for X week. We'll probably take her on trips out to these places, and a couple of meals out, some treats like ice creams etc so suggest £y to cover her expenses. Is that acceptable?). As someone else said these sort of language visits are very usual and NEVER free - the host families are paid (a fee, not expenses).

DC have found it. Called Lolita apparently.

Sorry. I don't think the picture pasted at all.

Sell it.

Next time he asks if you know any hosts, say - No sorry

As others have said, I think it's likely to be cultural not rude. It wouldn't have occurred to him to pay - splitting the bill is pretty unheard of in most of Southern Europe. If the situation had been reversed I suspect that he would not have let you pay a penny - for that or any other meal hosted by his family.

If I invite someone out, I always pay. So if we offered to take DC on day trips in years gone by we'd always pay. But I'd always offer when friends took my DC out and give money to buy ice cream for everyone or similar.

When we booked the restaurant we thought he wasn't coming till the next day. It was the fact that he pretty much invited himself. But from what I can gather from earlier posts, in Spanish culture the host pays. Fair enough.

This one?

www.lladro.com/figurines/01005192-LOLITA/

ChocolateWombat Are you always this patronising?

Builtahome. Very similar but in red. For politeness I put it on the mantelpiece for the duration of her stay. Not sure if I still have certificate of authenticity.

Just get over it and stop this very narrow minded, British centric view of things which can't see that there maybe loads of different ways of behaving socially which are different to yours

I'm British and I'm not narrow minded. Neither is anyone i know. Do you hang out with particularly dense British people?

Wombat no, I'll not do it again. DH can man up next time and say no! I'm not very social really. Wouldn't have minded for a week but two was tiring.

The girl was lovely and had a nice time. We got on well and had fun. Had money been offered we'd have said no, but it's nice to be offered. Very British presumably!

We made a big fuss of her on her birthday morning; balloons, prezzies, cards and singing happy birthday like we do for our DC. She's usually at camp on her birthday apparently.

But why is British culture 'wrong' and other countries' 'right'? We just need to positively say what we mean. You owe me for the meal/wine etc. Who cares if it's 'petty'.

I'm British and it wouldn't have occurred to me to expect him to contribute to dinner, and I can't imagine any of my friends quibbling over it either. YABVU.

Good grief I'd have that hideous thing on eBay as quick as you can say Jack Robinson

Thank you to everyone for their comments.

I suppose I'm used to that English dance where you'd not accept a contribution but expect the offer!

I accept that in a different culture there are different expectations. It didn't help that I'm knackered from hostessing for a fortnight.

Quite stunned that the figurine may have cost £100 or more. Still not my taste so not sure what to do with it. It's back in it's box for now.

I wouldn't have expected the DF to pay for the meal, either all of it or his part of it, but if he had reached for the bill and insisted I would have let him. It was Pizza Express not Claridges

Crikey it was Pizza
Express, not the Ritz. Don't understand all the angst tbh. You seem very sneery about the the gift.

Blimp. Not sneery, just not my taste at all. And I had no idea that things like that can cost that much.

If it's this one it's sold for £189 new.

I sold quite a lot of china on eBay after my mother died as it wasn't to my taste. So long as you get lots and lots of bubble wrap and mark the parcel "Fragile", you shouldn't have a problem with packaging once it's sold. I even sold a large china horse whose legs looked very delicate and it arrived in one piece.

Another alternative would be to advertise on eBay as "buyer collects". That way, if there is a breakage, it's not your fault.

Good luck!

I dunno I am not British but if I took a teenager into my home for two weeks and fed her and cared for her and entertained her, (FOR FREE) then I would expect her parent to offer to pay if we went out for a meal on the final night. In fact I have hosted Spanish students (for pay) and on a couple of occasions their parents have flown over to collect them and we have gone out to eat on the last night. They have always insisted on paying as a a thank you for the care we showed their child, despite the fact that we were paid to host them. I have never heard of lladro either, but then I have no interest in ornaments.

That's the one mohuz.

Why so expensive?

Wow that ornament is hideous. I guess at that price it cancels out his restaurant bill though.

Send them a bill for expenses (at least). Surely they're expecting it?

It's a big collectible brand. I know nothing about such things, but my mum collected it when she could. There is a cheaper version made by apprentices I think called Nao. It's just very desirable. Expensive in the way handbags are, presumably.

Did you expect him not to join his daughter on her birthday? Did he have any correct currency? I think you are being a big harsh here. It is quite conceivable that he believed you had asked to host and didn't want to offend you by paying. Sell the figurine.

Holy shit, that thing is ugly. I would have had no idea it was so expensive.